Amish Rake Fight
Hall of Losers Shitlist: Lifetime Bans
We Shun Thee!
It takes a whole lotta really stupid, ignorant behavior to earn a lifetime ban from our little barn, but every so often, someone manages to find a new way to alienate everyone and earn the Digital Amish equivalent of the death penalty: We shun thee!

Some of these losers were banned for life many years ago, so you will see a channel named "Tybo" mentioned in the earlier ones. Tybo (it stood for "Type Your Brains Out") is a long-dead channel that existed first on AOL, then the Undernet, before evolving into Amish Rake Fight after a couple of years.

Enough history. Let's meet the losers!

ScottQQ was the founder of Tybo. He was semi-employed and used faked or stolen credit card numbers and AOHell to get time on AOL. Ever the charmer, Scott eventually quit his job at a trophy shop and set out on a trek across the U.S. in his Volkswagen van, pretending to look for work and using the homes of many of the Tybo women as crash pads on his journey across the country. He would show up at their homes, extremely slutty girlfriend in tow (surprise!), and "borrow" money for booze before moving on to the next victim. Once even charmed FionaFox (see next entry) into paying for a carburetor rebuild for his van, and at the behest of a few channel idiots, proposed marriage to her, which she accepted, then called off later. A repeating trend you will find among the losers listed here is that many of them had a "support group" of friends on IRC that would cheer them on, no matter what kind of stupid or self-destructive behavior they displayed. Scott was certainly no exception. After all the women he fucked over started comparing notes, he earned a Lifetime Ban.

The original cyberslut. Engaged in cybersex with every known male she could find on IRC, often more than one at a time. A slut in real life as well, she hated any competition for male attention, and had an agenda for ridding the channel of all other females, which even extended to the first real life get-together of Tybo members, before which she began spreading rumors designed to make all the Tybo women mad at each other and not attend so she could have all the guys to herself. It backfired because she had been circulating a picture of herself when she was about 100 pounds lighter. She eventually managed to get pregnant during a one-night stand with a Tybo member. At that point, she was so widely mistrusted that even the guy who got her pregnant demanded a signed affidavit from her doctor to authenticate the pregnancy. She had to have an abortion when an ovarian cyst was discovered. She was sponging off yet another male Tybo member, living in a room in his house and using his computer, when she got the Lifetime Ban.

Punki helped speed the demise of Tybo by having cybersex with an asshole who took over the channel when it was on the Undernet. She simply loved attention, and didn't care what sort of ruse it took to get it. Known for showing up in all sorts of disguises to avoid the bans, she was always discovered fairly quickly thanks to the same crazy behavior that got her tossed in the first place. Once had graphic cybersex with a channel member who was away at the time, as if that would get the ban lifted. In her last attempt at re-entering the channel, she showed up as a pregnant woman, but was quickly discovered because she was just too stupid to pull it off: She showed up as a complete stranger and immediately began going on about how wonderful it was to be pregnant. This, of course, raised some suspicions. Then she was dumb enough to reveal that she was actually Punki, as if that would keep her from getting booted. Hello, Lifetime Ban!

Llama (aka Confusedus) was a teen-aged computer geek, and managed to combine remarkable arrogance with no social skills whatsoever. Incredibly self-righteous and a mouthy loser, he would send intrusive private messages to every new female that wandered into the channel, usually driving them off. Once Amish Rake Fight was formed, he was discouraged from dropping by, and so would hang out in the dying Tybo channel with the other malcontents, hastening its destruction. I remember being told of Llama going on and on one night in Tybo about "why people get divorced", preaching to a bunch of married and formerly married people, despite the fact that he was 19 years old and had never even been laid or even had a girlfriend. At one time he even read this, his own bio in the shitlist, and felt compelled to leave a whiny post about it in the Churn, believing he was posting anonymously. Ha! Being that full of yourself can only lead to a Lifetime Ban.

A lot like FionaFox, only skinnier. Puddin holds the the record for the largest number of Amish Rake Fight members laid in real life (males only, despite Fractious's suggestion: "You should switch genders every third time, like Duck Duck Goose"). A Polymer Scientist with a job at 3M and a cheerleader for the Minnesota Timberwolves of the NBA (I swear I'm not making this up), she had the most irresponsible "support group" in memory: When she got pregnant by accident, her "friends" had a web page that was a betting pool based on what day her child would be born, as if giving birth to a child whose father's identity was unclear was just the best thing that ever happened. What a bunch of fucking nincompoops. She had a miscarriage. Last we heard she was living in Alabama, married and still working for 3M. Before getting pregnant, she went on an inadvisable tirade about Amish Rake Fight's founder (that would be me) in channel one night, and several people were put off enough by it to tell me about it later. A "no-brainer" Lifetime Ban.

Pontifex was a right-wing conpiracy theorist and one of the most paranoid subhumans on IRC ever. His world was all about Art Bell, black helicopters and Area 51. He was ugly enough that we once edited a special Terrance & Philip wav just for him. Lonely and a real loser with the ladies, which became all too obvious one night when he randomly started an argument with Fractious for throwing her meth-addicted roommate out, a decision which Fraccy felt awful about and did not take lightly. But poor, stupid Ponty didn't know when to shut up, so we helped him: Lifetime Ban.

Possibly the craziest of them all. Claimed to suffer from Chronic Fatigue Immune Deficiency Syndrome, also known as the "Yuppie Disease", which made her too tired to hold a job, yet was known for typing away on IRC for 16 hours at a stretch. Married and living in Florida, she had been jilted by several cyberlovers before adding yours truly to the list. Cosmic was always quick to tell the story about how during one of her first nights on IRC, she and some of her roomies talked some guy out of committing suicide, as if this validated the importance of IRC, and with it, herself. Took up with me quickly, probably as a method of securing Operator status in the channel, which was deathly important to her. It didn't take long for us to realize how completely screwed up this woman was. She would start a fight one day, then the next pretend nothing had happened. This cycle repeated itself relentlessly. After dropping many hints, I finally had to just dump her, and join a growing list of men who had gotten wiser in a hurry. She felt she was too important to the channel to just leave, so I eventually had to toss her out on her crazy ass. Fortunately, she took her little support group with her, a bunch of mostly female airheads who, if they actually gave a shit about her, would have seen that she got some badly needed psychiatric help. Easy call: Lifetime Ban.

A young shithead who was more tolerated than liked. We gave him the name Ass-tro, and he went by several different names, but he was another one whose entirely fucked up personality always gave him away. Each time, he got kicked for saying something stupid, then went on a tirade against whoever kicked him, with an emphasis on how unacceptable their lifestyle was. We'd put him on akick, and he'd return under a different identity, as if returning to a channel where you had no respect for anyone in it was normal behavior. He'll probably be back next time he switches ISPs again, and we'll catch him again, probably without even trying. Lifetime Ban.

There was never a shortage of screwy mental defectives on IRC.

Amish Rake Fight