Oct. '99
As The World Churns
The official BBS of Amish Rake Fighton the DALnet


Churn out a Post?

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 01, 1999 at 02:57:59 (PDT)

THE AMISH RAKE PROJECT



Ignatz Lipschitz, leader of a team of scientists studying legends of giant Amish rake-fighters in the hills of Pennsylvania, has alerted authorities to an event they are describing as a "horrible slaughter."

Lipschitz told police he had left the team in the woods with a camera and a couple of gallons of Gallo red wine. When he returned in two weeks, all he found was the camera, some used condoms and a bunch of candy wrappers. Upon viewing the footage from the camera, he was shocked.

One scene records an unidentified member of the doomed party saying "I just had time to snap a picture of one of them, and the next thing I knew there was bodies flying everywhere. It was terrible. I-I-I'm so afraid... There was a loud roaring noise coming from the rake, I believe it was probably the oscillating pulse-beam we had theorized. Some alien intelligence must have given them the technology. It was pure evil. I was knocked down by the dismembered arm of our field assistant, and as that horrible rake of death swung within inches of my face, I noticed that there was a special hidden blade on it. I theorize now that it was probably designed either to disembowel cattle, or to cut the suspenders of an rival rake-fighter, leaving him open to ridicule when his pants fell down."

Mr. Lipschitz paused to wipe away the tears before he continued the film; "There was a crazed look in his eye, and he kept saying something that sounded like 'hasen pfeffer incorporated' as he swung his deadly rake to and fro, cutting down my fellow scientists before raking their mangled bodies into a big pile." The picture then degenerated into scenes of a mad scramble through the trees, marked by screaming and freaking out in general.

Though the scientist was able to escape the carnage, apparently he was not able to escape the giant. His body was never found.

Authorities are baffled, and are seeking your help in explaining this tragedy.




(EdZeppelin, with special help from BiteMeElmo)




A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 01, 1999 at 23:31:52 (PDT)

The doomed party wrote the lords prayer on the head of a pin before they left all the footage and trash. The enviroment will never be the same. They could of at least used the Gallo bottles as nifty candle holders.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 04, 1999 at 18:16:23 (PDT)

where the hell is all my damn Gallo wine? I love that brand


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, October 05, 1999 at 05:01:38 (PDT)

I will never look at a rake the same!


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, October 05, 1999 at 16:25:41 (PDT)

Dey are chust fine. Ve chust put on de show for de camera so dat Lipshitz fella leaf us alone, da. All de white coat fellas is here in de cave, ve are mekking more vine und schtreudel und laffink about de vey ve looks in de camera like all mean und killink dem.

Chust good fun, you see. Dey say to send dat Lipshitz fella vit more vine und maybe some more fraulein, dese two sore and tired, plenty. Engliche. Suchen Dumpkopf.

Amos Schwartzenegger


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, October 05, 1999 at 20:08:26 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Happy Baaaaahday to ewe,
Happy Baaaaahday to ewe,
Happy Baaaaahday Dear SLiiiiiiiiiiiii,
Happy Baaaaahday to ewe.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, October 05, 1999 at 22:27:06 (PDT)

Luna I did not get my peanut butter goat fudge. I thought it was lost with you in the woods......pout!

LUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 06, 1999 at 10:54:22 (PDT)

Hi kids,
I am currently trapped in Windoze land, as I am at the Siebel database conference... i am in the process of loading the GFY page on all the terminals in the breakout rooms! Anarchy now!


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 07, 1999 at 21:03:09 (PDT)

I am freezing my nipples off!!!!!!! When did winter come in the fall? Must have something to do with the evil "Rake Project".


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 09, 1999 at 13:06:57 (PDT)

You know, the madder I think about it, the longer I get.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 09, 1999 at 22:04:23 (PDT)

OK you Amish and any one else who is evil. I need you to pull out your best dirty tricks and do some good work at the following web site: www.gofilm.net

This is the asshole who not only pushed me out of my company but then proceed to steal thousands from me and my other partner. So the best dirty trick will get a very nice bottle of wine. Let me know of all the evil you have perpatrated like sending any one who goes there to a nifty animal fuck site or some such and the best one wins a lovely bottle of a nice vintage.

Hug and kisses and do your best evil!!!!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, October 10, 1999 at 16:49:03 (PDT)

I'm so excited! I just got two tickets for Michael Bolton's show at the Glory-hole in San Francisco. I'm going by myself, but the reason I got two tickets is so that after I get inside and start smacking people in the back of the head, yelling "What the fuck is wrong with you people? This guy SUCKS!!!" and they throw me out, I can use the second ticket to get back in and do it again.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, October 12, 1999 at 23:22:16 (PDT)

Microsoft's annual report: Made on Macintosh
The evidence is written all over the report's
Microsoft Word file.
- - - - - - - - - - - -
By Scott Rosenberg
One of the strange and magical traits of
files saved in Microsoft Word format -- which
means the vast majority of word-processing
documents on PCs today -- is that they store
a lot more information than you may realize:
Passages you once deleted, for instance, or a
record of past versions, or the names of
computers and disks and folders where the
file was created and saved. This data-packrat
behavior is one reason Word files are so much
bigger than it seems they'd need to be just
to store their verbiage.
And sometimes the excess data that Word hangs
onto can come back to haunt you -- or, as was
the case recently, Microsoft.
It seems that when Microsoft issued its
annual report this year it also provided the
document in Word format, downloadable from
its Web site. And if you look carefully at
the extra information implanted in the
document -- say, by opening it in a plain
text processor -- you find something odd: The
report seems to have been composed on a
Macintosh computer. (At least, there are
references to an author's G3 Mac and records
indicating the file was created using Word 98
for Macintosh.)
This intriguing little fact, which was
discovered by Richard Smith and reported on
the Macintosh news site Macintouch, is not,
of course, reason for Bill Gates to go red in
the face. After all, the days when Apple was
viewed as Microsoft's chief competition are
long gone, and the Redmond colossus is now
even a (small) investor in Steve Jobs' new
Apple.
Still, there's something deliciously daffy
about the thought of the very ledger of
Microsoft's jumbo profits being composed on a
Mac -- and some kind of poetic justice in
that fact coming to light thanks to the
idiosyncrasies of Microsoft's ow


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 13, 1999 at 10:30:01 (PDT)

Iss nice rant, jah? I try to say same ting mit shorten words; dey use de otter kind computer make report. Iss fonny as farten in church, nein? Geten der life.

Amos


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 15, 1999 at 05:19:49 (PDT)

I have been away WAY too long :)

Hi everyone! Still Alive. Just so ya know :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 15, 1999 at 21:59:38 (PDT)

LUNA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Where have ya been girl?


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 16, 1999 at 03:52:39 (PDT)

Teaching preschool :)



A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 16, 1999 at 13:38:48 (PDT)

Large earthquake causes area kitten to go
berzerk... more details to follow..


A Butter Patty from: Dr. Popeye X
on Sunday, October 17, 1999 at 08:27:43 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Oh, Ed! Not you, too! Slagging that beautiful man, Michael Bolton, on a public bulletin board where children can be exposed to your gutter filth? I'm going to report you to the Bolton Gestapo. Here's their headquarters. Maybe they'll let you live,, if you apologize and take an oath to fight against the web's most insidiously popular Bolton molester.... ME! anti_popeye_x-subscribe@globelists.com


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, October 17, 1999 at 13:42:14 (PDT)

Thanks for the heads-up, Dr. Popeye-X. When I have raving lunatic fuckheads like you agreeing with me, it's time to re-think my priorities. The last time I looked, I only needed one asshole.

In the great din of noise that is the Internet, you fill a much-needed void.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, October 17, 1999 at 18:25:59 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Ahem.
For those not in the know, allow me to introduce my good friend from San Antonio, Dr. Popeye-X. Master musician, bitchen website owner, Michael Bolton hater, and last time I looked, NOT a raving lunatic fuckhead nor an asshole. Also, I am in one of his songs. Thank you in advance for not judging him hastily.


A Butter Patty from: alice,jpg
on Sunday, October 17, 1999 at 21:24:21 (PDT)

Luna...let me ask you in preschool have you seen those other long lost boys from Tenn.?

OK time out!!!! The whole class!!! No goat milk fudge for you kids!!!!!!


A Butter Patty from: Dr. Popeye X
on Monday, October 18, 1999 at 05:33:22 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Well, Mr. Ed, you better look again, there's a second one winking back at you! *w* I never, ever agreed with you! Please, show a little respect, I have a reputation to uphold, and its a GOOD one. Don't worry, Doc, secretly we're friends, we just come in here to put on a good show. How could true jerks like us REALLY hate each other? Its a setup! BTW, you wouldn't believe the insidious trash being hurled at me by these right-wing pro-Boltonist swine over at the Anti Popeye X mailing list. Some Jellyfish and his moll have repeatedly tried to humiliate me. And the evil pro-Bolton contingent has actually embraced their slimey opinions! People are getting disgusted and dropping off the list like flies. They were hoping there would be some closure, but then Jellysquids come in and start up trouble again, its so disgusting, like that Bolton hit, Love Shouldn't Have To Puke. I'm appalled, and I'm just glad Mr. Ed has his head screwed on well enough to know what a sweetie guy I really am. To all the other Churn People, don't listen to Ed, he's my disciple! He's trying to trick you into falling in love with me, just like Doc's girlfriend did!


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 18, 1999 at 10:31:01 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Damn Popeye...shhhhhhhh

If youre just going to play with my emotions Ill have to tell Catwoman...and you know those canadian women are nuts...or is it that canadian womens husbands are nuts...I can never keep that part straight..anyway..itll take more than some Kraft Dinner and cheap silk roses to win back her love and affection.
Now that Ive perpetuated this ramble in the churn,that the rest of the barn dwellers are totally confused by,Ill be off...just sold another house and I hear the distant sound of "cha-ching" ringing in my ears...
Smooches
SLi


A Butter Patty from: Catwoman
on Monday, October 18, 1999 at 11:53:36 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Ahem you got it all wrong... it is us FRENCH Canadians that are quite nuts... In fact, I will be the first to say that we're out of our fucking mind. Oui oui mes amis, on aime faire chier le monde! Et surtout, on ne flatte pas la chatte ? rebrousse-poil....


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 18, 1999 at 12:11:27 (PDT)

oh shit what have I started??? now the canucks are posting here...


A Butter Patty from: Catwoman
on Monday, October 18, 1999 at 12:22:01 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

You know our goal is to take over the world. You realise that more than half of the Canucks live right on the border with the States? That's right, you better watch those crazies with their skis. We just might decide to impale you all with our hockey sticks and chop your limbs of with our skates.
By the way, you asked for it! Mentioning me was your own fault. HA!


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 18, 1999 at 12:51:40 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Canadians in the Churn, pro-Boltonists running amok, and now I'm getting CD singles from lesbian recording artists in the mail. Surely, the end is near.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 18, 1999 at 13:12:15 (PDT)

Just because we agree that Mike Bolt-neck has pioneered previously-uncharted depths of suction doesn't mean we'll be holding hands in the shower anytime soon.

In fact, inspired by Shakespeare's line "methinks thou doth protest too much," perhaps if anyone could stomach a Bolton "Show" (talk about oxymorons!), they would find Dr. Popeye-x and his feline companion there, eyeing that balding dome, nodding their heads in time to that infernal screech, toes tapping and fingers snapping to the catchy tune Mike was mangling at the time.

On another note; though I've heard of the princess who kissed the frog and he became human, how did you manage to completely reverse the genders and the process itself?

Amazing coincidence dept.; though my wife was raised in Scotland, she was born in Kitchener, Ontario. The only signs are a slight tendency to like cheddar on her fries and her ability to speak fluent Frog, eh.

Ed


A Butter Patty from: Catwoman
on Monday, October 18, 1999 at 13:29:24 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Who ever said it was the Princess who kissed the frog? I think THEY switched the genders around to make it cuter for the kids.

I'm a frog
You're a frog
Kiss me
*kiss**kiss*
And I turn into a prince suddenly!

The next lyrics to Bolton's future song.


A Butter Patty from: Dr. Popeye X
on Monday, October 18, 1999 at 14:26:34 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

If any of you music lovers (haters?) would like to hear the voice of your beloved Churnmeister as it currently appears in my "music", please click the above URL, and download the MP3 flie named "OH MY GOD". This is just the first of many appearances I have planned for the beloved Chrunmeister, it is my intention to make him a full-fledged permanent member of my "band", and that is mainly because he's such a cool dude, and he really makes me laugh my ass off sometimes. Now, since I'm from Texas, I don't know jack shit about French, Amish, or any other goddamn thing, except maybe Mexican food, which I eat every day of my life, but I still can't speak Spanish worth caca. Get the MP3, its cool. Catwoman is one frog I would definitely kiss, and if I had to endure a 1000 Michael Bolton concerts to get my chance, so be it. BTW, I don't hate Bolton, not at all, but I hate anyone who doesn't hate him MORE than I do, and I think simple decency will tell you why. If Bolton offered me a job playing his yucky music 300 nights a week, you can bet I'd do it, in a San Antonio split second. I don't hate the man, its his FANS that disgust me, especially when they are modern day Pop Star Gestapo informants. Think I'm making this up? Check out the latest documentation found at http://www.popeye-x.com/uglytalk.htm You won't believe the cow pattie Dr. PPX stepped in this time. Watch out when you slag people's heroes, they don't take kindly to it. And if you make merciless fun of their dismay, you had better prepare yourself for being accused of the vilest of crimes, and you WILL come to the attention of all kinds of law enforcement. But guess what? In the US of A, as long as you break no laws, you are FREE to think, and say, whatever you please. Don't ever take that right for granted, there are real life maniacs out there who will do their utmost to destroy you for daring to disagree with their musical "tastes". You have been warned!!! God bless America!!! Bigots beware, Dr. PPX will kick your silly ass just as soon as it pops up! I feel its the least I can do for my country.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 18, 1999 at 14:55:09 (PDT)

Listen to Mike massacre "When A Man Loves A Woman" and marvel that anyone craves that. I know, some people also like abcesses. A quick /list on IRC will reveal folks who like even weirder things than that.

My theory is that the Boltonistas were forced by their parents to listen after dinner to recordings of pet shops burning to the ground before they could get their pudding. Just a theory. Why else do their wee brains put the words "Michael Bolton" and "Child Abuse" together? Perhaps they were paddled with Bolton cds when they made poo-poo in the yard. We might be on to something here.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 18, 1999 at 15:11:06 (PDT)

Oboy!! I'm in a band!!! When do we tour? Can weopen for MichaelBolton? Can I have a megaphone like that dude in The Butthole Surfers? Can I bring my girlfriend along? Dang, there's so much I don't know about the kids and their "music" these days.

Churnmeister DJ Doc


A Butter Patty from: Dr. Popeye X
on Monday, October 18, 1999 at 21:16:33 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

That Percy Sledge shit is a crime! My God, the depravity, the abuse, the molestation! I want Doc on the keyboards, Ed on the bass, SLi on sexy tambourine, Catwoman on tapped cell phone, everyone on vocals, and me, wearing my "Michael Bolton's Re-Animated Corpse" stage outfit. I want sparklers, bottle rockets, hairspray cans with Bic lighters, and our Yellow Ryder touring truck will be filled to the brim with 4,000 lbs. of ANFO (ammoniun nitrate + fuel oil) explosive, just in case we ever get to open up for you know who. It will be called the Molestation Agenda World Harassment Tour, and it will be the biggest bang since Waco and Oklahoma City put together. We don't need equipment or songs, because we can just download MP3 files from our websites, and lip sync them while they play back thru whatever PA is available. We can have URL bumper stickers plastered everywhere, advertising all our various web interests. This is it! I hope you cats are ready for the big one! That other Kurt, who was he? That Kurt Cocaine guy... his suicide will be a footnote compared to our musical homicide!


A Butter Patty from: alice,jpg
on Tuesday, October 19, 1999 at 22:11:59 (PDT)

ya know what the english do best don't ya..die.........


A Butter Patty from: Road Manager
on Wednesday, October 20, 1999 at 06:01:19 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Hey, Ed! I'm working on the itinerary for the MAWHT (Molestation Agenda World Harassment Tour), and that GLORY HOLE venue in San Francisco sounds right up our alley, can you get us in there? Let me know. Click the above URL to check out other bands we'll be appearing with.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 20, 1999 at 21:45:49 (PDT)

Here's a site too weird for even me; Barney Fife's Bible Study page. Huh?


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 21, 1999 at 11:52:37 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Here's a site too weird for even me; Barney Fife's Bible Study page. Huh?


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 21, 1999 at 20:39:58 (PDT)

you can say that again....


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 22, 1999 at 14:48:40 (PDT)

Fictional TV characters used to illustrate
spiritual lessons taught by other fictional
characters... sort of reminds me of that new
Reagan biograp


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 22, 1999 at 14:50:23 (PDT)

I see that the "cut off the last word of
Pale's post" malady has returned... and I'm
on a different computer with a different
browser... must be those dumpster bums
again.....
!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 22, 1999 at 21:04:31 (PDT)

Pale honey I think you need to take the immortal words of Barney Fife to heart where the dumpster bums are concerned..."Nip it in the bud!"


A Butter Patty from: Dr. Popeye X
on Saturday, October 23, 1999 at 04:51:35 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

If you only you knew the GARBAGE certain hard headed readers force me to wade thru, this Barney Fife Church Of The Hot Glue Thelma Lou Gun wouldn't phase you folks a bit. One time, this "fan" started rambling on & on about Andy Griffith this, and Mayberry RFD that, and I got real sick of it, real fast, so I suddenly exclaimed, "Well, you know, I used to have sex with a big foam rubber Aunt Bee, but I never really fell in love..." She replied, "I don't think that's very funny..." "YOU DON'T WHAT? HOW DARE YOU COME SNIVELING INTO HUMOR WEBSITE, AND HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SUGGEST THAT ME HAVING SEX WITH A BIG FOAM RUBBER AUNT BEE (without ever really falling in love) IS NOT UPROARIOUSLY FUNNY!!!!" She said, "Well, I just think its in questionable taste..." and so on, and so on, and so on, this woman actually tried to ARGUE with me at great length about how "not very funny" I was! You know what that showed me? Can anybody guess? How about you Ed, any psychic flashes come to mind? I'll tell you what I thought. First thing to pop in my head was..... she doesn't like the fact I had all that hot sex, and never really fell in love because... SECRETLY, she wanted to "get it on with me", and she knew that big foam rubber Aunt Bee description was hitting just a little too close to home..... and me NOT FALLING IN LOVE is just not very nice at all! Well, it may not be nice, but suppose I had fallen in DEEP love with a bulbous polyurethane pump-a-loaf, would you say that was a laughing matter? No, that would be disgusting, and that's where I draw the line. I definitely would not FALL IN LOVE! I have my standards, too, ya know. She eventually wound up on my website's shit list. Click the above URL and see what happens to such PARTY POOPER PRUDES who say I'm not funny. She's down in the reader comments area, her name is Sandra. And yes, she still emails me EVERY WEEK, I think she NEEDS www.barneyfife.com desperately.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 23, 1999 at 09:18:57 (PDT)

She's hipper than you think; Carson used that "fucking a foam-rubber Aunt BEA doll" joke on Ed McMahon in 1976. If you recall, it set off a huge firestorm of controversy between the Bea, Thelma Lou and Opie camps as to which was preferable for pinning to the parquet with your party-piston.

Sales of polyurethane pals soared, and pics of Aunt Bea appeared in High School gym lockers everywhere. It was a horrible time, and I don't think it was funny, either. I notice how you keep stressing that you "didn't fall in love." You missed the best part! Instead of gloating about your ignorance and "sense of humor," you just pumped ol' Bea enough to get you through the years until your face cleared up, and then left her all sticky in the back of your closet while you headed off to Bible School without even a good-bye "reach-around," and now won't even call your own mother. See how you are?

You will never know the serenity of gazing fondly into that charming matronly foam rubber visage and stroking those awesome anatomically-correct contours while moaning "thanks, Aunt Bea. Need a towel?"

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 23, 1999 at 12:45:51 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Hey, kids!

Partially inspired by all the sites featuring hate mail to Dr. Popeye-X, it's the Amish Rake Fight Shitlist Page!

See if you recognize these shunned ex-roomies!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 23, 1999 at 19:00:47 (PDT)

Hey Billy, if you're out there, I had to snare your nick on the DAL for you again. Better keep an eye on it, I haven't put the nick kill enforce on, and some dumbass or another keeps using it from time to time, and it's a hoot ghosting their ass (See below). It's the usual password. Sorry for the public posting, but I can't remember your damn e-mail address.

*** billyz is ~java@1Cust50.tnt6.poughkeepsie.ny.da.uu.net (http://club.euronet.be/frederik.jacobs/chat.html)
*** billyz is on channels #ZELda
*** billyz is on IRC via server webzone.ok.us.dal.net (GET IN MAH BELLY!@%$!)
*** billyz has been idle for 1 minutes and 55 seconds
*** billyz signed on at Saturday, October 23, 1999 6:55:35 PM
*** DrForrester is now known as HeyDumbass
--> nickserv ghost billyz (deleted)
-*NickServ*- Your ghost has been successfully killed.
*** HeyDumbass is now known as DrForrester


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 23, 1999 at 20:01:30 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Gee, Ed, I think that's in questionable taste. I tasted it several times, and I haven't got anything close to an answer, at least not yet, only more upside-down question marks, and a whole slew of flame emails dripping disgusting goo, reeking of decomposed DNA fluids, and filled with ding bat bitties trying desperately to escape from a snare of their own making, provided by yours truly, as a service to help infect general concensus as quickly as possible, as a form of vaccination to keep the world from destroying itself in a flurry of tepid, bent-over-backwards ass kissing. Read my foot's lips, and hang those buns up high, so I can kick the motherfucker when it passes by. Right on, Dockenstein! I maintain a strict zero-tolerance policy for any form of disagreement that happens to find me. For that is truly, THE BIGGEST NO-NO OF THEM ALL!


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, October 24, 1999 at 14:24:16 (PDT)

Barney Fife is a messenger from the devil and Opie is still giving the public his messages from hell in the form of mediocre movies. Barney opened his own church study group soon after he filmed the last episode in Mayberry. It was "The Church of the Fishing Hole Seemingly Good Value Messages When They are Really from Satan." Later the name had to be shortened to "Satans Fishing Hole Church" and then later again after a group of mal content memebers broke off they shortened the name to "Satans Hole"
I am just so shocked that some group has taken up Barney Fife as a wonderful icon for Jesus when he is truly a friend of Satan.
No wonder the elders always warn us to" Be Careful Amoung Them English and Barney Fife".


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 25, 1999 at 03:02:33 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

charming matronly foam rubber visage
underwear panties all ruffled 'n' rigid
pumpin'a churn on the tip of my digit


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 25, 1999 at 10:09:02 (PDT)

<BLINK>

HUH?




A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 25, 1999 at 17:23:52 (PDT)

Whew I haven't made the Shitlist yet:) ANYWAYS...so here I am, miss me? yeah life yet brings me to another struggle, but hey I shall once again stand on my own 2 feet and move on. One of these days I'll make it back into the channel, until then Miss you all bunches.....:)

Fitzie


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, October 26, 1999 at 00:05:35 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Funny, I just noticed, they always end with a "Lifetime Ban". I like, "Hello, Lifetime Ban!" The way you include their abortion and miscarriage info is a nice touch!!!
Snitching off their ovarian cysts...
that pesky IRC medium has all kinds of unpleasant glimpses behind the smarmy underbelly of "CHAT-TRASH".


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, October 26, 1999 at 17:01:24 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I have been accused of many vile things, but heading out "without even a good-bye reach-around" is the lowest blow of all! You're trying to say that I did, in fact, fall in love! ....Maybe I did! So what? It gets lonely in the trailer late at night. Somewhere nearby, a possom carcass liquifies in a boiling mass of maggots and green flies. The smell floats on the breeze, wafting thru the windows, until the whole trailer park reeks of that lovely velvettine odor released when a medium sized critter carcass puffs up and pops from the internal pressure.
"My Gawd, what is that smell?" he cries, as he pounds into her urethane valley, sweating bullets, and trying not to take any deep breaths.
"Oh, (gasp)... (gag)..bruuu...(gasp)..what is that smell?...(pukes)"
Now, remember, this is a foam rubber Aunt Bee. She's not the type to answer, "Why, that's just that possom you beat to death in your kitchen 4 days ago, and apparently its starting to get ripe." A FOAM RUBBER Aunt Bea wouldn't say that, right? ...and you blame me for falling in love? So lonely in the trailer at night.....


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 27, 1999 at 18:27:03 (PDT)

Gad damn guys, I gotta get to the library more often, just took me a whole hour to catch up on the churn.
I have to say guys, I'm shocked and a little saddenned, I turn my back for five minutes and everyones opening michael bolton concerts and making rubber dolls sticky...
hmmm I REALLY shoulda got myself to rakefest while I had the chance...
*Lord_FlashHeart walks off mumbling about the price of foam-rubber Aunt Bea doll cleaner


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 28, 1999 at 00:23:28 (PDT)

Hey Doc,
I greatly apoligize if this next post screws
up the churn. Cause if it does, um, Luna
made me do it. 8)




Oh nevermind, I just noticed all the other
Javascript thats on the churn and I don't
wanna get Luna in trouble...
maybe someday ;)


A Butter Patty from: TATTDLHWF
on Thursday, October 28, 1999 at 06:09:11 (PDT)

Really, it was no big deal at the time. I don't see why I should be harrassed for the rest of my life, chased from place to place by villagers waving torches and chanting that I must die. I swear, it was just a simple mistake, and I swear to Buddha if I had the chance to go back, I'd have never mentioned it, especially if I had known what a world of shit it would put me in. You don't know what it's like, the death threats, being disowned by my own family, people spitting on me. Sometimes I want to just throw myself off the Ed Sullivan theater and finally be done with it, but I keep holding out that somebody in authority will finally come to their senses, run the sumbitch back to Indiana and I'll be free at last. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

Love,
The Asshole That Told David Letterman He Was Funny


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 28, 1999 at 10:34:47 (PDT)

<---- Thinks Ed's been in the eggnog to early this year.





A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 28, 1999 at 18:26:10 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Tacki Fishkebob:
Imagine our shock when we saw the disgusting, smutty language on your site when we were expecting a Michael Bolton fan site.

Dr. Popeye X
I'm imagining it right now...... oh... ah.... hahahaha HAHAHAHA! That's hilarious! That would be good on the Internet! That's so crazy, its actually good! I'd like to have a website with a page like that, that would be so fucking cool. I bet a lot of people would blow their minds just trying to figure it out. Oh, this imagination stuff is everything they say it is... you can think of anything! Its really neat, you can write whatever you want! This is so much fun, I bet it could have an audience! It would be great to investigate the promotional potential of this phenomenon on the Internet in a full-time way. Thanks for the idea, Tacki, you're a genius! I think I'll do that.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 28, 1999 at 19:14:39 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Yeah, I know. Y'all are even more baffled by that last post than I was. But believe me when I tell you, the guy is a genius. He has a CD called Church of Machines that is fucking GREAT. If you'll agree to be his friend, he might even give you a copy. If not, offer to BUY one from him. It's so fucking good that it is still in my regularrotation (that is, the 6-disc changer in the car) a whole YEAR after I got it. Right in there with my OMD and TMBG and Chemical Brothers (I know, please forgive me) and Zappa. (Warning: CD contains rough language for a white boy.) His websitehas some of the most hilarious shit I've ever seen, you just have to dig a little. If you dig deep enough, you may even figure out wtf that last post means. Anyway, he has some mp3s from Church of Machines on his website: Grab Crackbaby and Snitch offa there, and then get Oh My God -- because it features ME in it!

I'll shut up now lest I encourage him TOO much.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 29, 1999 at 01:03:08 (PDT)

GO DEEP DOC!!

Ok, thats just f'n wrong.




A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 29, 1999 at 05:43:52 (PDT)

I have spent my Thurday evening lying in a coffin scaring ppl. Now, I have a cough. are the two related somehow?

BTW, what's up with Scott?


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 29, 1999 at 10:17:02 (PDT)

Dr. Ed sez;

Yes, the two are related. That's why they call it a "coffin."

It comes from the latin; "E Pluribus Phlegm" which can loosely be translated to "bark up a chunk of lung."

Take two aspirins and a shot of Glenmorangie single-malt antifreeze, and stay out of caskets until its your time.

I've seen this condition before, figure skaters get it. They call it "Peggy Phlegming." We may have to bang you on the knee and make you marry a moron, though that doesn't always work. Ok, please remove your clothes. Don't worry, I'm a professional.

Oh my God...

Now say "Ahhhhh." Ooh, looks bad down there. We'll need to put some lotion down your esophagus. (Good thing I have a tool for that...)

Next!


A Butter Patty from: Shitlisted
on Friday, October 29, 1999 at 19:19:00 (PDT)

Wow, Amish Rake Fight Shitlist? The author of the list must be the type of person that gets pissed off as a hobby. Let it go.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 29, 1999 at 19:35:46 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Hey, Churnmeister DJ Doc, is Shitlisted's comment a typical example of your hate mail? "...must be the type of person that gets pissed off as a hobby..." Is that it? Nobody called you a criminal? You're not a sex offender? Nothing more than a "pissyness hobbyist"? God, this is a stroll thru the park, compared to the 500 gal. septic tank dumpings I get on a daily basis. Shitlisted's description would be a pat on the back over at my site. You got it too easy over here. You've only got one resident sicko, Ed, and he's a funny MF. Over in Hell, I have demonic hate-groupies trying to bite my throat out, and it ain't no joke. I like the Churn and its residents, they aren't FULL OF SHIT like my readers.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 29, 1999 at 21:36:08 (PDT)

LMAO!

I wondered if any of the listed losers still read the Churn. That post was from LlamaJolt, who we tossed over TWO YEARS ago. "Let it go" indeed! HA!!!

Thanks for the inspiration, Dr. Popeye-X! Idiot Fishing rawks!


A Butter Patty from: LlamaJerk
on Saturday, October 30, 1999 at 08:06:44 (PDT)

Doc is a real poo-poo head. So there.

Pity Party for one, your table is ready...


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 30, 1999 at 21:27:24 (PDT)

....and ya caught a big one....now lets see what other shit floats up from the bottom.....


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, October 31, 1999 at 09:07:29 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

That was kinda spikey. She's funny.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, October 31, 1999 at 10:10:19 (PST)

BLESSED SAMHAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and/or HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!

Smooches and Love to all
-SLi


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, November 01, 1999 at 01:31:46 (PST)

Hokay, hokay. I vill tell de trute. Der scientischts und lab-coaty people vas turnt into sausage.(Hey, it could have been wurst!)

Buy der video anyway. Ist gut, jah? Scare de schmidt out of me!

Amos


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, November 01, 1999 at 04:27:26 (PST)

Dave wants to know where you live, Ed :)


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