Oct. '97

As the world Churns
The official BBS of Amish Rake Fight on the DALnet


Churn out a Post?


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 01, 1997 at 03:23:33 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Ha! Once again you wither in my genius as I assume my rightful position at the toppermost of the poppermost. I've decided that October is Truth Or Dare Month. I'll start it off....hmmmm...Doc....When was the last time you soiled yourself?

Nishlord, shoving an Evian bottle down his throat all erotic like


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 01, 1997 at 11:34:43 (PDT)

Last Thursday, mate. But I soiled me settee more than me keks. So watch where you put your arse.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 01, 1997 at 16:57:36 (PDT)

Oh, I think Im going to like this game.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 02, 1997 at 02:29:20 (PDT)

Go on then Doc, your turn...Jesus....P

Nishlord


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 02, 1997 at 04:55:32 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I never realized they had an English accent in Oregon..learn something new from Doc every day.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 02, 1997 at 15:01:00 (PDT)

Um, I don't know how to play this. What is it I do next?


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 02, 1997 at 19:14:20 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Truth or dare: Nish. hm....damn I've read his whole porn experience..He's written about everything despicable he's ever done...OK okay ok...Nish, have you ever....oh...damn..I give up..I suck at this game.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 03, 1997 at 03:05:29 (PDT)

Fucking hell, do I have to do everything for you morons? Frac...what's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done on IRC?

Nishlord


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 03, 1997 at 04:38:18 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Ak. I'm not sure if that question was for me..but the most embarrassing thing, eh? Well, I've been a kinder, gentler Rat on IRC than I was on AOL...On AOL, half the time i felt like i was on shore leave with a hardon...which lead me to meet a crazy woman from the old Type Your Brains Out, that was so crazy, If I mentioned her nick - Doc would all-of-a-sudden decide it should be a new month here in churn.
OK Nish..back atcha - what's the most embarrassing thing you've done on IRC?


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 03, 1997 at 12:01:54 (PDT)

Um, I once typed an overly intimate /msg to Halogen and accidentally dumped it into channel, where my cousin Russ, among others, was hanging, and I freaked out and accidentally slapped my modem's power switch, and.... oh shit, that question wasn't even for me, was it? Damn, this game is complicated.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 03, 1997 at 17:06:21 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

My most embarrassing moment ended with me using a man's phone number and the words "Free Phone Sex" for the topic in #!!!!!!!!!!!FruitFly.
Next?...


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 04, 1997 at 08:26:42 (PDT)

oooooo, True confessions of the weak and powerless...cool ;) hm.....I'm ashamed to admit I fell into the same embarrassing situation that doc did....(not the setee thing, ya bam) I typed a rather personal message to THE WRONG PERSON. It's so hard to look cool these days. heh heh
lisa
P.S. I'm officially a year older than I was before...Do I look different?


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 04, 1997 at 13:07:40 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Wahoo!


I'm now a sportswriter for a popular e-zine on the web! See my first column here!


Doc, shamelessly plugging away


A Butter Patty from: Doc
on Sunday, October 05, 1997 at 01:28:25 (PDT)

Oh, and uh...Happy B-Day Lisa & Rob! Long may you wave.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 06, 1997 at 19:31:33 (PDT)

'Ere...I'm not hiding from the truth....just going through Moving Hell, I'll get back soon, but I'm telling you now, my most embarrassing moment on IRC pisses all over yours...

That damned elusive Nishlord


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 06, 1997 at 23:35:05 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I once caused someone ELSE's most embarrassing moment on IRC, which though accidental, was somewhat more gratifying than having it happen to ME.
In a channel where many of us used to hang out, there was a regular named Zoshka. One evening, Zoshka was hanging out in our channel and #30something at the same time, where he was a newbie trying to make a good first impression.
Somebody typed "kick me kick me" (hell if I can remember who now), and I moved to oblige him. Upon carrying out the clicking of the proper button and hearing the satisfying "oof" that Ircle provides, I realized I had accidentally kicked poor, innocent Zoshka.
Unfortunately for Zoshka, he was responding to the "kick me kick me" line with "lick me lick me", and my boot came down just before his finger hit the carriage return, broadcasting the message "lick me lick me" into a packed (and puzzled) #30something.
IRC is fun.

Doc


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 08, 1997 at 18:28:03 (PDT)

Hey ho, looks like the whole barn has ground to a halt once more. Obviously, your breath is all of a bait for my embarrassing IRC tale...OK...*sigh*....

About 18 months ago when I started this internet shit, I was going through a very rough patch with my girlfriend. With all the grief that was going on, and the novelty of IRC about to take over huge chunks of my life, one thing lead to another and I ended up in a transatlantic, er, thing with an American woman (no-one from this channel, before you ask, you nosey shitbags). Yes, we knew it was wrong, but it was much too strong, we met every day at the same caf?, meeee-EEEEE ah-HAND Mrs! Mrs Jones! We got a thing going oh-HONNNN....you know the score.

Anyway, after a while I realised I had to check meself, and I was heading up Arsehole Street, so we talked, and we both agreed to put the brakes on.

A night later, I was up at 4am caned off me tits, and decided to write her an e-mail saying thanks for everything, see you next lifetime, dropping a few last intimacies. As I finished it I looked up at the screen.

That was when I remembered I hadn't opened my e-mail application.

Yes, I, Nishlord, had typed the whole fucking thing into our regular IRC channel.

I screamed like a girl, ripped the mains socket out of the back of me Mac, ran to me bedroom, threw meself on the bed and ran round and round on me side like one of the Three Stooges.

My turn, I think...hmmm...Doc...you have the opportunity to get off with anyone in ARF...who do you choose? And oh, saying me or Rob or any other bloke in an attempt to hide behind a pathetic pseudo-homoerotic facade won't work, so don't bother.

Nishlord, still blushing, bless him, the cheeky scamp


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 08, 1997 at 18:55:32 (PDT)

Easy choice. Me. I'm the only sonofabitch in the fucking channel right now.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 08, 1997 at 22:44:26 (PDT)

Try Again...


A Butter Patty from: Me
on Thursday, October 09, 1997 at 09:06:54 (PDT)

mmmm Doc!
(Not the Hanson song, the person)....Thank you for picking Me ! The feeling's mutual. Good Choice! Now....what's Nishlord's problem? hmm? Don't think I'm a good enough choice, Nish? Buggery Bollocking Brits.
-Love, Me


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 10, 1997 at 09:02:04 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Surprise!!! Yes it is actually me and before I get chastised for my absence of late my only excuse is 5:00am is still coming really early in the morning despite my repeated requests to schedule it for later in the day...but onward and downward to Her Royal Sli-ness' most embarrassing IRC moment (*digressing only to say Thanks to Nish....I love Truth or Dare!!!!)
Well, it seems that there is more than one " Izzy" on Dalnet (dont ask why the concept never occured to me before the incident) and of all the chats in all the world an " Izzy" other than my significant other popped in to mine. Needless to say earlier in the day I had a memorable experience with "Izzy" and msg'd this "Izzy" telling him in graphic detail what I had enjoyed most about it the imposter then did a lil cut and paste directly in to the channel so now people from all over, being that it was a rather packed room, know just a lil more about me than they probably ever wanted to.

-with the possible exception of Johno and Fitzie but then again having symbiotic sex beats none at all so Im told.
Giggles- SLi


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 10, 1997 at 13:32:40 (PDT)

hmmmm my most embarassing irc moment was when i revealed my hieght!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 10, 1997 at 14:06:34 (PDT)

Luna's most embarassing moment provided me with many hours of short joking glee!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 10, 1997 at 16:27:09 (PDT)

Damn Nish, you promised not to tell ;) Just so ya know...my dog still whimpers just thinking about you. (that's not a clever metaphor)
heh heh
lisa


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, October 12, 1997 at 09:51:25 (PDT)

Wow...
I think that dog story is the most interesting Truth or Dare tale yet..


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 13, 1997 at 03:00:19 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Er...isn't someone supposed to ask someone else a question now? Or do I have to do it AGAIN? Jesus, I'm not your fucking Mam, y'know... I'd ask Doc, but he's obviously such a puff...hmmm....Nite...describe your first orgasm. It's time to get SERIOUS.

Oh, and I only just heard...big respect to Flyin' Brian.

Nishlord


A Butter Patty from: Doc
on Monday, October 13, 1997 at 16:55:19 (PDT)

Anyone else get the idea that Nish started this lil game just so he could bare his sickest without anyone acting with the proper revulsion?


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, October 14, 1997 at 03:53:05 (PDT)

Er, what makes you think I give a toss whether anyone's repulsed or not by what I have to say?


A Butter Patty from: Doc
on Tuesday, October 14, 1997 at 12:11:40 (PDT)

Never said you did, just found it interesting that you've resuscitated it thrice.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, October 14, 1997 at 15:29:27 (PDT)

Five Worst Things about John Denver Dying

5. Wrecked a perfectly good ultralite.

4. Will miss annual news stories about his drunk driving arrests.

3. Reminders from media that he was not only a singer and a songwriter, but (Oh God!) an actor.

2. My personal mystification over hearing that the Baltimore Orioles play "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" during their seventh-inning stretch at home games (I'm a country boy from... Baltimore???).

1. News programs running footage of those awful live performances of those awful songs.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 15, 1997 at 10:22:34 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

MEAT IS MURDER. There. It's been a while since I've reminded you all.
-The Candster:)
personal note to Nish: Quiffy Bastard my ass, bebe.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 15, 1997 at 23:29:19 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

HAVE A T-BONE. There. It's been a while since I've annoyed you all. Do like I do, and marinate in 1/4 cup of Worcestershire, 1/4 cup of good-quality beef broth, a tablespoon of onion powder, a tablespoon of garlic powder, and a teaspoon of black pepper. Mix ingredients and let stand for 15 minutes. Mix again and pour entire contents over steak. Marinate for at least one hour, turning steak over halfway through. Throw on grill, searing at high temperature for 2-4 minutes, then turn over and cook until done, 15-25 minutes. If THAT is murder, then move ovuh, O.J.! I'm-a gwine ta hay-ell wit yuh!

Doc, rather enjoying his Weber, thank you


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 16, 1997 at 05:31:29 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

MAKE SURE THAT TBONE ISN'T BRITISH BEEF There. Even tho I'm guessing from the style of Nish's writings that he may already be infected with mad cow disease.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 16, 1997 at 08:15:55 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

*I can't stop vomitting.*
-C


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 17, 1997 at 11:50:52 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Shameless self-promotion time again!
Doc has a new column in Denizine today.
Thanks, and remember to send your hate mail to the editor and not me.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 17, 1997 at 14:38:17 (PDT)

WOW....anyone else confused?????


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 17, 1997 at 14:47:47 (PDT)

I told you not to be sticking your column there now look it got stuck. Im going to have a hell of a time explaining how Doc got stuck in me and why you were using your column.
Oh the shame and agony....but then again it does feel pretty good.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 17, 1997 at 18:12:27 (PDT)

I'm a vegetarian, Rat. Only puffs eat meat....latent oral sex thing, trust me...


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 17, 1997 at 19:33:12 (PDT)

One word...BOOBIES....thank you drive thru...


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 18, 1997 at 09:10:37 (PDT)

Thanks, Sli. It was good for me too.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 18, 1997 at 18:50:05 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I had this really MINT clock on my web site...took it off the US Navy page...gave em credit..thanked them for a wild summer....then the bastards visited my site...decided I was tooooo naughty, or Un-American or something....and shut my clock down! I'm tellin' ya, I'm NEVER buyin War Bonds again.

Urging you all to dodge the draft..and join GreenPeace instead...
The (irate) Candster


A Butter Patty from: sugarmagnolia1
on Saturday, October 18, 1997 at 22:40:29 (PDT)

The John Denver thing wasn't very nice, Doc... i happen to love him...or i did!:)


A Butter Patty from: One_With_Impeccable_Musical_Tastes
on Sunday, October 19, 1997 at 10:06:02 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I think all these people with questionable musical taste should be restricted from churning a post. As for those questionable musicians, well, they all oughta die in flaming plane crashes. Wait.....
(I still think the Moz said it best: "Fame, Fame, Fatal Fame.")
-OWIMT


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, October 19, 1997 at 11:47:58 (PDT)

If you admit to loving John Denver in this space, then you're about as intelligent as his music was tolerable.


A Butter Patty from: Doc
on Sunday, October 19, 1997 at 13:58:24 (PDT)

That was a little harsh, wasn't it. Here's my apology.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, October 19, 1997 at 16:53:10 (PDT)

Doc??? Do you seriously mean to say you don't get all misty when they play "Sunshine on My Shoulders"??? >:)


A Butter Patty from: J.Denver
on Monday, October 20, 1997 at 00:11:12 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I gotcher sunshine right here, Nite.
-JD


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 20, 1997 at 06:43:47 (PDT)

Hurrah! Thought you might like to know the Curse of Queen Elton has been lifted in the UK...Back at number one is those paragons of female usefulness The Spice Whores, and at number two is a song that is even more fitting to Diana's life -'I'm A Barbie Girl, In A Barbie World'.

Nishlord


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 20, 1997 at 06:48:44 (PDT)

Is it just me or does anyone else think that Barbie doll song is akin to shoving an ice pick repeatedly through an eyeball?
just askin'
lisa


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 20, 1997 at 11:40:30 (PDT)

But Icey...it's hunka punka, or whatever that baldy TWAT says...


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, October 21, 1997 at 09:51:12 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I take this time (and free advertising space) to hawk THE Ezine of the Moment. Denizine. Oh yeah....we're special. The rave reviews keep a rollin' in. We bad.
Thank you very much,
-The Candster


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, October 22, 1997 at 14:25:26 (PDT)

first princess di now john denver, will nish be next????


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 23, 1997 at 04:25:43 (PDT)

That hateful curse from Luna has just given me a terrible thought...if everyone's in Heaven all happy and blissful, what the fuck is Diana going to do? I think she's up there now drawing everyone's attention to the problems suffered by the residents of Hell - battered this, battered that - perhaps she's starting a campaign to ban tridents or something. You wouldn't BELIEVE the grief that cow has caused me of late, chaps...

Nishlord


A Butter Patty from: Diana
on Thursday, October 23, 1997 at 10:14:27 (PDT)

No Nishy dear actually I have focused my attentions on that age old problem of the severe lack of Ice Water in hell, surely we as the citizenry of heaven can find it in our hearts to remedy the deplorable conditions suffered by the residents of Hell each and every day.
I also hope that we can offer support to the snowballs of the nether regions being that I understand they really never have a chance in the first place. I was thinking of haunting ol' Jugg Ears and seeing if he would liberate some of the money in the Princes trust to let the Snowballs start their own business in the region. Hey maybe they can sell Ice Water!! What a Grand Idea!!
Well Im off now to scare the pasty white philanderer out of a few pounds maybe Ill catch him with ol' Horse face and Ill get a twofer out of the deal..... smooches to all!!!

Diana


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 23, 1997 at 10:18:32 (PDT)

It is so good to see that being living impared hasn't slowed her down at all. You Go Girl!!!!
-Her Royal SLi-ness


A Butter Patty from: BonkeyRat
on Friday, October 24, 1997 at 10:10:48 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

So, Diana, Mr. Denver:
What's the rate for an internet connection up there? Do you guys use network computers? T3 lines? What's the baud rate? Do you get free web space? Or do you have to go through GeoCities like us mortals? Is NetNanny placed on all the computers in heaven or can you still look at the porn sites?
Just curious.


A Butter Patty from: Diana, John, (and Mother Theresa is here too)
on Friday, October 24, 1997 at 11:01:36 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Well being that this is Heaven we have all the eminities that the brochure you saw way back when your Mom dragged you to Sunday school and Church and more.The streets being paved with gold and the pearly gates and all is just the begining. The computer lab is running a cable modem right now cause we got a deal from Viacom, they put it all on our cable bill (and we have rigged the box to get all the pay-per-view and premium channels free!!!...tee hee) but we are looking to upgrade, of course we get free web space and we are our own ISP. Gabriel is the WebMaster and Jesus is learning Java. We can browse the porn sites as a matter of fact Mother T says her new fav is www.naughtyboys.com and she just sucked up and got the $49.99 lifetime password option from AdultAccess, boy I bet they will be pissed if they figure out that she has already passed that whole "lifetime" thing but there was no restriction made for the living impaired if they bitch too much we can always turn it over to legal up here (what you heard bout all lawyers go to hell is not true there are a lot of them up here, sneaky bastards, they find all the loopholes to get in up here) Well were outta here they are serving Lobster and Steak in the cafeteria today..oh and Candy the salad bar is great up here dont worry!!!!
See ya (well at least some of ya....oopppsss I told Pete I wouldnt tell if he let me see the list) Gotta go....
Di, John , and Mother T


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 25, 1997 at 07:54:28 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Salad bar? Free ISP? !!! Kinda makes me wish that I believed in Heaven!
-The Candster :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, October 25, 1997 at 15:29:29 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Uh, just in the interest of clearing up a point here, Di, is there like a cow heaven and a lobster heaven and the like? If there is a lobster heaven, is it lobsters-only or is it more of an arthropod heaven?
Oh, and also, I once heard the Dead Milkmen sing, "Jellyfish heaven is a lot like LA." True or not?

Doc, back from Mobster heaven


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, October 26, 1997 at 16:53:28 (PST)

With the deaths of all of these cultural icons and the ensuing fallout in charity circles, I feel somewhat obliged to take up some of the slack. Therefore, in the tradition of "battered women" and "battered children" I am now taking contributions for a charity which has very dearly won my heart: "BATTERED SHRIMP" Please send all donations and contributions directly to ME! Cash preferred but blank checks also acceppted. Tax deductible. Remember..its YOU who makes the difference. I, much like Sally Struthers but 500 lbs less or so, cannot come to you. YOU must take the first step. Give until it hurts!! Thank you--- BSSA (Battered Shrimp Society of America)-President


A Butter Patty from: ModernAngel
on Monday, October 27, 1997 at 15:42:25 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Has anyone here ever worked for UPS? I have an interview tomorrow A.M., and
I want to know if they do pre-employement drug screening.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, October 27, 1997 at 15:53:21 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Dunno, Angel, but I'll bet they do. Testing for marijuana is a great way to find out if applicants are moral enough to work for you, if you happen to be a rich Republican asshole or a pussy on a board of directors unwilling to stand up for basic constitutional civil rights.
Consider going to your local head shop and purchasing some Gold Seal. It takes a few days to work, though, and I think they have an alternate product (I think it has the word "flush" in the name of it) that works faster, like in 24 hours. However, you're supposed to take Vitamin B with it, otherwise, your piss will be suspiciously clear, like tap water. Mind you, I've never used either of these products, this is stuff I've been told, so who knows?
Hope this helps.
To paraphrase from a golden oldie, "If you wanna know, if he doesdrugs or no, it's in his piss."

That's where it is,
Doc


A Butter Patty from: Home_Shopping_Club_Customer
on Tuesday, October 28, 1997 at 08:56:19 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

I asked my regular UPS driver, Tim, if UPS pulled drug testing on future employees. Here's what he told me: "Only the computer geeks, accountant nerds and general office dorks get those tests. The rest of us "real guys"...well, we're MEN, ya know? Plus, the Teamsters made sure we were covered in our last contract go round. We depend on the Teamsters. Know what I mean?" Hope this helps! I don't know if Tim's right, but he sure is cute!


A Butter Patty from: nurse rachet
on Wednesday, October 29, 1997 at 12:52:40 (PST)

Ok Angel here is you cup!


A Butter Patty from: nurse rachet
on Wednesday, October 29, 1997 at 12:54:04 (PST)

+r


A Butter Patty from: ModernAngel
on Wednesday, October 29, 1997 at 14:52:25 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Thanks y'all. They're still interviewing some other candidates, so I can't say what my status with UPS is for a couple of days. In the meantime, I don't recommend
you send butter via regular parcel post if your cow has been chewing up your herb garden...y'know, those drug-sniffing dogs...


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, October 30, 1997 at 22:21:11 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN


A Butter Patty from: Corn Holio
on Friday, October 31, 1997 at 06:29:09 (PST)

I Need TP for my bung hole!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 31, 1997 at 07:26:58 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Happy Halloween to all my favorite ARFites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blessed Samhain!!!!!!!!!!!!!
see ya in the barn Love you all - SLi


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 31, 1997 at 09:32:27 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

In the Amish community, they celebrate Halloween by dressing up like Amish folks.

You know, I live in Columbus Ohio, and the surrounding counties have Amish communities. I've noticed that they can't wear things like zippers on their clothing, but almost every Amish person I've seen is either wearing Nikes or Converse sneakers. No joke.

It's weird seeing the little girls looking like Holly Hobby in Hightops..it spooks me. I have nightmares about it. Well, actually, I have happy dreams about dressing up as Holly Hobby and going on job interviews. Of course, I wear spiked 5'-heeled patent leather thigh-high boots in the dream.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 31, 1997 at 09:33:48 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

ok, most of the time it's five INCH heels, but sometimes - well, you know how dreams are weird like that.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 31, 1997 at 12:44:25 (PST)

Well, Truth Or Dare Month went arse over tit, didn't it? You miserable shitbags...


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, October 31, 1997 at 14:18:33 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Candy invites you to her AWARD winning front page! Woo hoo! It's a Halloween WWW style! Blessed Samhain, everyone. :) To all of you, may you get what is rightfully yours. What you deserve. :)
Off To Dance Nekkid!
-The Candster & Rafael cackle off into the Sunset
B*B


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