June '99
As the world Churns
The official BBS of Amish Rake Fight on the DALnet


Churn out a Post?


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 01, 1999 at 07:49:10 (PDT)

Happy June... or whatever.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 01, 1999 at 13:15:02 (PDT)

Does the whatever include drinking, barbecue and naked swimming? That would make my June very happy indeed. Perhaps naked barbecue, drinking and swimming, or swimming in large drinks with barbecue sauce on the side. Whatever.....


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 01, 1999 at 15:32:34 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

For safety's sake, I'd recommend that men not drink and barbecue naked at the same time. It's easy to get caught up in the moment and stand too close to the grill. Even IF you are sober, don't barbecue naked unless there's a pool in close proximity. If you choose to ignore this advice and proceed with your naked drunken barbecue, select hamburgers, rather than hot dogs, in order to avoid confusion that might result in painful burns or unsightly fork marks. It is acceptable and, under normal circumstances, completely safe for women to barbecue and drink naked... in fact, it is recomended. Worst case scenerio is most typically the unpleasant odor of seared tuna that results from standing too close to the grill.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 01, 1999 at 18:25:28 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

HO ho ho!


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 01, 1999 at 19:01:56 (PDT)

Did I win 10 million dollars , Ed?


A Butter Patty from: mantooth
on Tuesday, June 01, 1999 at 20:41:46 (PDT)

For safetey's sake, I reccomend that no one barbecue near a monitor, especally with a bbq fork. Painfull and some rather strange dreams....


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 01, 1999 at 20:59:23 (PDT)

typos from weirdos and Ed...OH MY!



A Butter Patty from: mantooth
on Tuesday, June 01, 1999 at 23:42:13 (PDT)

OK, so I need to take a remedial typing course. That didn't change the dreams. I know (experience here)that it's a bad idea to play with electricity, but sometimes, you get the get the urge, and just gotta stick the BBQ fork into that new slot........

(Insert another bizarre dream with Jodie Foster in it here..........)


And, Yes, I am proud to be a wierdo.


A Butter Patty from: mantooth
on Wednesday, June 02, 1999 at 01:06:55 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

This one's not mine, but belongs to Chris White at Topfive.com. Kudos, Chris!

The Number 1 Way to Prepare for the Millennium Bug...

Send Schwarzenegger back in time to bitch slap those lazy COBOL engineers.

No plagarism from ME in The Churn!

If you steal it, tell who you stole it from!


A Butter Patty from: Lord FlashHeart
on Wednesday, June 02, 1999 at 05:30:28 (PDT)

Naked swimming in June???
Oh yeah the whole hemisphere thing....count me in then
this is my first churn.. so take give me somethng to bite on and be gentle
with me OK?


A Butter Patty from: Lord FlashHeart
on Wednesday, June 02, 1999 at 05:33:52 (PDT)

ok ok I better beat the spelling gestapo to it, and the grammar police.. not to mention the waste of space committe...


A Butter Patty from: James_Brown
on Wednesday, June 02, 1999 at 09:13:34 (PDT)

Please, chirren. Listens to yo ol unca Ed, don't barbecue nekkid. They's just nuffin to be gained by it if you is mail, why I agrease wiff de wimmin cook nekkid, mine aw duz en nodobby complent yit. But you be stannin det close de barbecue yo jonson git all burnt an look lak a lil pink acorn, en de wimmin day laff en point. Don't wanna play Dale Evans ridin on yo trigger no mo, dig?

Yall weah som pro tection now, yhear? One o them lil meat squeezin underwire de french dudes lak so much, put a potato in dere too, ifn need be. (Member to put it in de front!)Unca Ed don't need no mofo potato doh. Ann cook hot dogs an not hamburs neither, cuz you can tell yo wimmen to spread dey buns befo you stick dat hot meat in, ann dey laff. Ain't nuffin you kin do wif a hambur dat's funny, sept go "here" ann you don get no pussy wif line lak dat. Ha!

Ga go now, honky bizmen usin ma baffroom agin, ann I got haid full o' dat dummy dust ana hangun. Shoot out ma tars, ride on de rim...

James (Ah fee goo!)


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, June 02, 1999 at 10:59:05 (PDT)

Gidde up!


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, June 02, 1999 at 20:10:01 (PDT)

Woo hoo!! I just got back from the store, where I spent money I didn't have on a
brand new computer!! imac, in grape, for those of you keeping score at home!! Apple
rules


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 03, 1999 at 01:42:45 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Unfortunately, this URL isn't a joke... but it IS funny!!! Be sure to listen to the rousing RealAudio samples...


A Butter Patty from: Lord_FlashHeart
on Thursday, June 03, 1999 at 02:35:10 (PDT)

ok this is for the apple fans here ...
I re-installed win95 after DLL overload caused so much instability in my system that I couldn't get online let alone stay online...
this time I tried something different, dangerous and not me at all...
went with netscape instead of the old favorite IE4 then... *shock horror*
installed, in the stead of MS Office, *insert tension building music here* ....
Claris Works..
TAAA DAAAA
it's faster, less 'helpful', does everything I need (including document outlines) AND it's 6 meg as opposed to 200 odd.....
you might make a convert of me yet... ("I'd give my right mouse button for some reliability")
oh yeah... I had BBQ sausage today... might go do some churning of a different kind now...


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 03, 1999 at 12:31:24 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Mr. FleshHeart,

You are in a buncha trouble now, bub. It's one thing to forsake the world's best software products in order to use something inferior (and let's face it, if the software you describe was truly superior, I'd have bought the company and trashed it by now), but quite another to publicly diss my business and blame it on our software. Your scurrilous and entirely unfounded endorsement of a rival software company leads me to believe you are simply paranoid, or perhaps an employee of said software company, seeking to spread lies about my company. DLL overload? Hah! Impossible. Faster? Not a chance. I have heavily and deceptively edited videotape that indicates otherwise.

At this time, I simply have no choice but to have my legal department hunt you down and kill you like the dog you are. Your incarceration for libel will give me a giggle.

Remember, if I didn't believe that we are the world's only real solution when it comes to software issues, I wouldn't have named the company after my penis.

Thank you,
Bill


A Butter Patty from: Lord_FlashHeart
on Friday, June 04, 1999 at 04:24:03 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

ok ok I'm right onto this concept.. I live near a pretty large forrest so I invite all to come over and help me catch one of these bastards. (I have seen the bones of a for real drop bear BTW, but it had been dead for a few thousand years, which kinda sucked)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 04, 1999 at 04:45:47 (PDT)

Is Mayte missing?


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 04, 1999 at 13:00:05 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

They're finally on to me!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 04, 1999 at 14:13:21 (PDT)

I found this bitchin' new background on a porn site, in case you're wondering.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 04, 1999 at 15:46:11 (PDT)

You mean you were looking at porn?!?!?! you horney old bastard!!!

And why didn't you share the link?!?!

:o)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 04, 1999 at 17:04:07 (PDT)

WOOHOO!!!
We've got wood!!!




A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 04, 1999 at 20:15:30 (PDT)

COMPUTER CRASH
will everyone please email me their damn icq uins so i can get my world back 2gether??
:)
Love, Mayte

close your eyes and enjoy the view


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 04, 1999 at 20:16:48 (PDT)

OH my email is
grdhistory@hotmail.com
no porn please
:D

fraccy i'm still alive!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 04, 1999 at 20:26:33 (PDT)

Im loving this background....its so....woodsy!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 04, 1999 at 21:25:39 (PDT)

Come on Billy you knew all the good porn sites in advance Doc learned em from you...


A Butter Patty from: WoodyWoodPecker
on Friday, June 04, 1999 at 21:26:45 (PDT)

*PECK*

*PECK*


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 04, 1999 at 23:17:26 (PDT)

This background makes me board. I mean, planks for the effort, Doc, but it's knot like yew to be a sap. You could just leaf it alone. I can understand trying to branch out, which is oak "A" with me, but maple is holier. It takes me back to my roots, that's plane. Maple someday Yew and I can do larch, Maple knot. We could spruce the place up a bit or knot, and bark at each other until we deciduous one we want to dew. I feel like you can't see the Forest for the trees, if you get my drift.
Wood you agreen? I wooden dew it if I were Yew.

Ed


A Butter Patty from: Lord_FlashHeart
on Saturday, June 05, 1999 at 03:59:28 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

The wood is good but if you wanna see real class.. check out the Marble on that site...
The guy who made it obvoiusly has more taste than a chicken vindaloo


A Butter Patty from: Doc
on Saturday, June 05, 1999 at 10:12:08 (PDT)

...and the URL-proofreading ability of poultry.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, June 05, 1999 at 14:05:56 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Keep email free!!!!!!
Oh yeah, keep ICQ free too!!!!
Send this post to everyone you know!!!!!
Don't let the bastards win and above all else, DON'T PANIC!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, June 05, 1999 at 14:09:19 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I love my Mac too!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, June 05, 1999 at 19:17:29 (PDT)

Ezzy... "Bill 802P" (I notice the number keeps changing) is a HOAX. The web is neato, but try reading a newspaper every once in a while.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, June 05, 1999 at 20:21:35 (PDT)

Umm... I KNEW it was a hoax... that's why I POSTED IT. The web is for jokes and stuff, right? I should also mention that, since I spent 14 years in newspaper management for Gannett, it's a safe bet that I've read and continue to read a few more papers than the average American. This is despite the fact that print media penetration continues to decline, primarily as a result of changes in lifestyles. For the most part, people just don't take the time to read a morning paper. (They pretty much gave up on afternoon papers years ago.) Adult readership has fallen by more than 20%, in the same number of years. This erosion of readership has sent "grey ladies" scrambling to do increased zoning of editorial content and has often led to the creation online editions. In many cases, they get their asses kicked by alternative city papers, particularly in larger urban markets. These city papers got there first, because they weren't as tied to full-run ad revenues from major accounts, such as department stores and auto dealers. Metro papers are seeing those revenues go south, along with their readership, due category killers in the major account category and, more importantly, because advertisers are no longer concerned with broad brush coverage- opting for more targeted advertising vehicles. I would've dumped my Gannett stock years ago, if they hadn't changed their focus toward broadcast and outdoor media. There's no telling how much their stock would be worth, if Al Newharth hadn't sunk millions upon millions making his pipedream, USA Today, a reality. I must say that being on their launch team wasn't a bad gig at the time. Woops... too much coffee here.


A Butter Patty from:
onSaturday, June 05, 1999 at 20:41:41 (PDT)

Uh, jeez, just really wanted to point it out to everyone since the link looks pretty authentic.

And, the paper I work for ran a letter just this week from one of the slack-jawed locals who not only bought it, but felt compelled to express his outrage over it to the local newspaper. I got quite a kick out of that, but I don't want the Churn perpetuating that shit.

Walt Disney Jr. has a free vacation for you! E-mail me for details!


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, June 06, 1999 at 08:01:07 (PDT)

Could somebody tell me what people are saying here in the churn? I'm too fucking lazy to read it. Now, what channel is Springer on?

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, June 06, 1999 at 11:02:12 (PDT)

I'll bet you guys thought I did it again huh? dropped off the face of the planet.. well, all you sickos i didn't but I got a great joke for ya:
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water
hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another
animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a
rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop.

The frog said "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I
will grant you both three wishes... Bear, you go first."

The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said "I wish
for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and immediately put
it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting
his wish like that.

It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the
bears in the next forest were female as well."

Rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned
the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these
stupid things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the
motorcycle.

For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish
that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."

The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said "I wish that the bear
was gay..."


ROFL.. that rabbit must be related to me..

Billy, you never did answer the question.. How in the hell did you get out of college? I mean, with a degree?
I think im in denial..


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, June 06, 1999 at 15:50:28 (PDT)

hi everyone! I'm in Boston now, and life is good. email me if you really need to hear from me, but i dont really have an isp yet, doh, or a computer :( (i lost your phone # frac)


A Butter Patty from: flash.bmp
on Monday, June 07, 1999 at 03:46:43 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

This band refused to do interviews for the 1st two albums then bragged about selling out... this site is actually the title of album #4
they did however grant one interview earlier.. they agreed to a newspaper interview on one condition... the interview was to be centered around a game of table tennis.. if the reporter won a point he got to ask a question. well since the whole band wear ski masks they just hired a table tennis champion, put a ski mask on him and had him do the 'interview' for them.
They are refuted to be a lawyer a local politician and an advertising agent.
greatest hits include ("He'll neve be an) old man river" (the chorus: I'm on the drug I'm on the drug I'm on the drug that killed River Pheonix"), and the new single "What are ya? (you're a wanker)


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 07, 1999 at 03:48:50 (PDT)

ok you can stop sniggering now, smartasses


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 07, 1999 at 04:29:14 (PDT)

OOOGA BOOOGA

*snicker*


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 07, 1999 at 12:40:46 (PDT)

Well... I uhh... uhh... I uhh... I EARNED IT! yea thats it... I earned the diploma. They told me I would get it in the mail. Somehow this is soundind like one of those "I've heard that before" stories.... hmmm


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 07, 1999 at 18:40:16 (PDT)

In a refreshingly candid interview, alternative music enema-nozzle Beck revealed; "I suck. There are things lying around on the ground under the monkey cages at the zoo that have more talent than me. "Devil's Haircut" was originally "Brady Haircut." I got the idea from a fantasy I had about Florence Henderson's laundry hamper. In five years when people mention 'Beck,' they'll be talking about the guitar player again. I'll probably wind up on the business end of a glory hole in a rest area, doing what I do best: suck. If I keep at it long enough and maybe learn a few chords on the zither, eventually I'll suck as bad as Petty. I mean, listen to that mewling on "Don't Cum Around Here No More" and you just have to say to yourself "That sucks!." Hey, I notice you have some toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Do you mind if I lick it off?"


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 07, 1999 at 19:44:11 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

(luna clears her throat)

TOM PETTY IS GOD

thank you


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 07, 1999 at 20:57:54 (PDT)

ummmm..does that totem look like a penis or do I just see those symbols in everything long thick and bulbous. Lord are you trying to tell us something about being down under?


A Butter Patty from: mantooth
on Monday, June 07, 1999 at 22:08:07 (PDT)

I apologize for offending and/or pissing anyone off.

Apparently, my sense of humor is not welcome on the channel or the BBS, so I will no longer join or post. Please accept my humble apologies to any of the people I have offended, as well as the fact that I never meant to hurt or offend anyone.

With Humblest Apologies,

Mantooth


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 08, 1999 at 02:18:12 (PDT)

Phallic??? moi??? I think you have the wrong perverted disgraced priest here lass..
I'm as straight as an arrow, a real upstanding citizen, a real stand up guy. So like, throw me a bone here would ya? I mean what is your beef anyhow? I mean I've tried to work out how you could think that about me, but it's a real hard one.
Perhaps it's the way I've thrust myself upon the channel, or my penetrating insights into modern life. I'm at a loss at this end, and I have to wonder if perhaps teh time zone difference makes me seem like the cock who rises too early and disturbs the barnyard. Well I'll try harder int he furute and mabye I won't come across as such a boring stiff.
Anyhow I'm off to listen to The Hard Ons (awesome band BTW)



A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 08, 1999 at 06:33:45 (PDT)

Luna, you need to have your dyslexia checked. You wrote "Tom Petty is a GOD"

(and with that, chirruns, I officially end my gentle ribbing of Petty. It bothers her, and I didn't want to do that. She's a sweet lady who doesn't deserve to have her heroes trifled with by the likes of me. She's always been nice to me, a really nice middle-aged lady, and at least she has a good drummer and guitarist, and in a few years we'll never hear of her again. Wow, come to think of it, Luna is a nice lady, too!) Ok, I just had to do one more.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 08, 1999 at 17:56:36 (PDT)

/me hugs ed



A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 08, 1999 at 19:12:16 (PDT)

I was having a tube steak for dinner and wanted to cum in and tell Lord that totem looks hard enough to nail something. Well I have to go park a pink mustang up the old side street.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 08, 1999 at 21:23:09 (PDT)

FRAC IM ALIVE
GET YOUR ASS ON ARF OR ELSE
love mayte


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, June 09, 1999 at 22:09:08 (PDT)

a summer hazard of swimming naked..getting locked out of the house naked..woohoo!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 10, 1999 at 04:35:16 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I'm sure these guys will be falling over themselves to help you out there Alice


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 10, 1999 at 14:25:26 (PDT)

I locked myself out once after swimming naked after-hours in a pool by the zoo. An elephant came over and said "Hey, that's pretty impressive, but can you eat peanuts with it?"

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 10, 1999 at 18:46:43 (PDT)

I know, it's an old joke. But I thought I'd see if it worked, and the answer is NO! Not peanuts, anyway. Someone was quick to point out to me that I was a deviant for even thinking things like that.

Which lead me to ponder why, if you say the name of any particular vegetable or fruit and then assign it an object, such as "Man-Kumquot," "Mango-Woman" or "Avocado-Aardvark," the results are pretty hilarious. But just say "Squash-testicle," "Bok Choy-Boy" or "Muskmelon-antibacterial kitty litter" a couple of times in a crowded elevator and the next thing you know, everybody gets off at the next floor. Rather quickly. What the hell's that all about?

What's the deal with Mantooth? I thought you guys were seeking new blood, I mean victims, oops I meant members to grace the channel and churn, to engage us in witty repartee and guttersnipe loathings and while away the time in good humor and gracious banter.

We should just hang a sign on Brunhilda (the bitch with the broom, the pants and the lantern who stands guard at the door of this here churn) that says "NO SNIVELING." Anyone who ignores it winds up with the imprint of a big iron boot on their butt.

We don't make the rules. We make the rules better.

(Somebody tell me what the fuck that means sometime, okay?)

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 10, 1999 at 20:20:34 (PDT)

IM OUTTA HERE!
Gcne 2 Oregon 2 steal frac, but I fear I might b a little too late. Damn that Oggie. :)

Will be speaking the hell outta some Vietnamese when I return - will make Hieu happy no doubt as I whisper passionate words in his native tongue. Um - I think that was a pun. (see what I think about when I go without sex 4 the summer????)

NEWAY - guys have a great summer and hope 2 see u all happy healthy and tanned when I return! See u late in August!

Love, Mayte

ps S}{OCK I left u my plastic buttscratcher under the sink
Luna - thanks a million 4 the info - muchlove2u
fraccy-dance on gypsychild :)

special love 2 Cyrano aka nite - u WILL come c me when i return or else buddy !!


A Butter Patty from: Richard
on Thursday, June 10, 1999 at 20:59:37 (PDT)

America is waiting for a message in one form or another...

Just wanted to take a moment to invite everyone out it Churnville to attend the They Might Be Giants concert at the Fairfax County Fair tomorrow evening. As one of those irrefutable signs that the end of the world is upon us, they will be the opening act for The Royal Crown Revue...which I can only guess must be some quintet of soused Boogee Woogee musicians doing a shameless plug for the Seagrams Company. In what is sure to be the highlight of the evening, AliceinW has promised to show me the proper way to eat a corndog, provided of course that I live up to my part of the bargin by purchasing her some cotton candy. That is all for now....................


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 11, 1999 at 13:44:30 (PDT)

I want some cotton candy !!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 11, 1999 at 14:57:58 (PDT)

Have a great time in Oregon, Mayte. You will be a wonderfull addition to that artsy little town.


A Butter Patty from: mantooth
on Friday, June 11, 1999 at 21:27:01 (PDT)

Ed, this one is your fault.........

I can't restrain myself any longer.

E: Oh, Bwoonhiwda, you're so wovewy

B: Yes, I know it, I can't help it

E: Bwoonhiwda, be my wife

etc ......

Isn't it amazing how small childish memories turn into adult psychoses.

I recently went to a preformance of "The Ring" and laughed through the entire thing. The "opera matrons" were highly displeased, but I just couldn't get Elmer and Bugs out of my head. When I started singing "Kill da wabbit" at intermission, they had no clue, and almost went into heart failure! Is it my fault they were born without a sense of humor?

Kill da wabbit, kill da wabbit.......

(snicker, with milk and girl scout cookies coming out my nose)

-tooth (who refuses to give up his nick)

ps: Girl Scout cookies rule.


A Butter Patty from: Doctor McCoy
on Saturday, June 12, 1999 at 00:39:50 (PDT)

I'm dead, Jim.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, June 12, 1999 at 06:36:43 (PDT)

That was bad... I laughed my ass off... but that was bad...

RIP Kelly...
></center><BR><BR>/me bows for a moment of silence...</b><br></font></P></B></U></CENTER></MARQUEE><HR><Font size=4>A Butter Patty from:  <a href=flash.bmp
on Saturday, June 12, 1999 at 10:01:00 (PDT)

Just goes to show...
In Space.. no-one can hear you fade into obscurity...
></center></b><br></font></P></B></U></CENTER></MARQUEE><HR><Font size=4>A Butter Patty from: <img src=../pics/flash.jpg><br> on Saturday, June 12, 1999 at 10:02:53 (PDT) <br><BR><b>damn all file extensions to hell</b><br></font></P></B></U></CENTER></MARQUEE><HR><Font size=4>A Butter Patty from: <img src=../pics/alice.jpg><br> on Saturday, June 12, 1999 at 13:56:28 (PDT) <br><BR><b>Poor Deforest he has been dead for years the wax just finally melted.</b><br></font></P></B></U></CENTER></MARQUEE><HR><Font size=4>A Butter Patty from: mantooth<br> on Saturday, June 12, 1999 at 19:13:21 (PDT) <br><BR><b>Thou mayest not profane the gods McCoy or Spock.  The Kirk, however, is open for whatever punishment may be deemed.  Speak thy piece, if it be not heretical, but beware, for the gods are watching thee.</b><br></font></P></B></U></CENTER></MARQUEE><HR><Font size=4>A Butter Patty from: <img src=../pics/edzeppelin.jpg><br> on Sunday, June 13, 1999 at 01:04:53 (PDT) <br><BR><b>No offense, but if the gods are watching, they sure as hell don't care about some halfwit 1960's TV series with a $400-a-week FX budget. When I was about 22, I lived in Virginia and from 3-7 PM there were three channels all showing back-to-back Star Trek shows. There was absolutely nothing else on, (this was before cable, y'know. Come to think of it, it was before we had enough sense to put aluminum foil on the rabbit ears for our TV)and words cannot express how I grew to detest that show. I learned to juggle, just because I couldn't bear to watch it. Especially Mr. Sulu and Bones, two of the most talentless, worthless entities on tv (with the possible exception of Jan Brady's chest the second season). Maybe Bones is better off now, being in a place where no droves of green-painted pointy-eared alien wannabes gives him the vulcan flip-off and say
See you at Dethcon 2000! (who's next? My money is on Scotty. Reports are he has a leash on his liver and takes it for walks in a little wheelchair.)

ED


A Butter Patty from: Gruever in Vancouver
on Sunday, June 13, 1999 at 09:45:54 (PDT)

Hey Luna, I called home to check in and see if anythings happened while I've been travelling. There was a mailed envelope there with a gold seal on it. Asked them to open it and it was a document from the Sunoco company. They need me as a witness to attest to your affection for their bathrooms. Apparently, the duration of your stay in their woman's bath admiring the plastic plants and brown tiles has touched them is such a way that they are holding a black tie ceremony in your honour. Unfortunately, it's tomorrow night, and I'll be on a bus going east...but I am sure you could find that woman who you talked to that you THOUGHT was me *grin*. She'd work as a witness as well.

Hello to all the rest of the ARF'ers :), a special slurp to Sli, and a bear hug for the Fitzter who seems to be appearing more often once more.

The Gruever Chick


A Butter Patty from: HECTOR
on Monday, June 14, 1999 at 15:28:11 (PDT)

Remember its the travel season! Stay with us at the 4 seasons and I will personally guarantee the hygiene of all female "bedwarmers" under age 14. thanks


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 14, 1999 at 18:19:14 (PDT)

Hector! How the hell are you? I do hope you got those hemmies taken care of. They were unsightly, to say the least. It looked like you were trying to grow plums.

I tried to warn you that taking the job as cabin boy on Turkish cruise ship would have side effects like that. Your friends at the baths must be so proud of you. I know I am.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 14, 1999 at 20:23:49 (PDT)

Its nearing rakefest time... dave is growing his sideburns!


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 14, 1999 at 21:47:33 (PDT)

ummm Ed, I escaped VA the first time when I was 18 and I can back you up on the Star Trek showings but unlike you I did not hate the show but for some reason I can win bar bets about all the episodes contents....arrrgh it was the foil on the rabbit ears it was beamed in to my brain. I think I need an IN and Out burger.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 15, 1999 at 06:01:24 (PDT)

My website has been visited by 4000 times.. can you believe it! It's the pie
recipe, i am sure :)



A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 15, 1999 at 08:18:26 (PDT)

Don't get me wrong, I didn't hate Star Trek. In fact, I could probably recount every episode (as long as someone promised to shoot me for doing so) myself, but I got really sick of it after watching Kirk chew the scenery so much. When I was a kid it was my favorite show. Other kids were acting out Batman scenes (shows you what an old fart I am) and I would zap them with my phaser, which I always kept on "kill".

Then later when I read about Star Trek conventions, and especially George Tokai's whiny masterpiece-of-shit book (worst thing ever written in the English language) I just realized that I don't get it, and probably never will. Idolize Gilligan or Mott the Hoople or whoever, but not that piece of shit.

The problem is the same with "American Pie." I used to like it the first couple of hundred times I heard it, but now it's to the point where if I hear "Bye, bye Miss American Pie..." on the radio, I drive off the road and leap out of my car, set my pants on fire and run screaming through the woods. To say I don't like it is a vast understatement. It's like a musical cattle-prod.

Speaking of, I have .wav's of William Shitner murdering "Mr. Tambourine Man" and "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds," for those of you who don't respond to over-the-counter laxatives.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 15, 1999 at 19:01:25 (PDT)

ED!!!! You still rule!!!!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 15, 1999 at 20:18:23 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Goin to see Tom Petty in Cleveland, Ohio! Wonder if I can still get a
Bernie Kosar jersey??????


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 15, 1999 at 23:09:55 (PDT)

Oh God No...Clevland don't go there it's ...EVIL.. and if you run in to any of my relatives tell them I did so send a Christmas card. Ok, may be I didn't but I did go to the family reunion last year and our table won the drinking contest cause we are the cool side of the family. Luna, Ohio is full of relatives it's dangerous I tell ya. Worth the risk.. I think not! Wait and see They Might Be Giants in your home state, safer and a guaranteed fine evening of entertainment.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, June 16, 1999 at 08:36:46 (PDT)

Petty. Hmmmm. I promised to be nice. Why you wanna set me up like that?

/me grabs throat, wrestles self into corner, tells self to SHUT THE HELL UP!

Can I at least unload about Cleveland?

(note to self; try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. try to be nice. ...)

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, June 16, 1999 at 09:07:54 (PDT)

Top 10 things that sound dirty at the office but aren't

1. I need you to whip it out by 5!
2. Mind if I use your laptop?
3. Put it in my box before I leave.
4. If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
5. I want it on my desk NOW!
6. Hmm... I think it's out of fluid.
7. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
8. It's an entry-level position.
9. When do you think you'll be getting off today?
10. It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits back!



A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, June 16, 1999 at 09:53:20 (PDT)

Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls...
S}{0CK is proud to present to you the one and only... oh fuck it...

Here ya go E.J.

















A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 17, 1999 at 10:22:30 (PDT)

I am reminded of happier times in LA when I could hop in my car and get an IN and Out when ever I wanted....A salty kiss on your face Shock. snif..snif...


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 17, 1999 at 17:37:12 (PDT)

Welcome home Gruever!


A Butter Patty from: Monty
on Friday, June 18, 1999 at 09:17:40 (PDT)

mmmmmm very very american


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 18, 1999 at 11:55:24 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Looks like the CIA has finally taken their business online...


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 18, 1999 at 12:08:59 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Note that the above URL does not in any way refer to Tom Petty.


A Butter Patty from: Tom Petty
on Monday, June 21, 1999 at 04:43:55 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Life on the road is hard.


A Butter Patty from: not_me
on Monday, June 21, 1999 at 17:30:57 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Who is gonna tell him?


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 21, 1999 at 18:59:37 (PDT)

I'm here, physically at least, mentally well that's another story:)



Fitzie


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, June 23, 1999 at 21:49:58 (PDT)

Mikey I tired to touch you but the folks at the home said your mental state was just too fragile. The physical state was a whole other matter.


A Butter Patty from: ^SherKhan^
on Wednesday, June 23, 1999 at 22:24:48 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

America is waiting for a message of some sort or another...

The above link takes you to a site I uncovered in my unending pursuit of truth, justice, and all that crap. I should warn you in advance that it is extremely disturbing, and will certainly shatter the facade that protects one of America's most illustrious entertainers. The "Bert is Evil" website is not for the faint of heart.

I do not take pleasure in helping to pull the rug out from under one of our nations most beloved stars, but a tiger has to do what a tiger has to do. My long standing doubts as to the dubiousness of this individual stem from a day when I was home sick nearly twenty years ago. (as a side issue from my main point, has anyone noticed that Bert has not appeared to age A DAY in all the years he has been on TV??? What is up with that???) My state of consciousness was swimming in and out of a feverish stupor, and I became aware that Sesame Street was blaring from the television. The character called Ernie was attempting to consume some form of crunchy snack food, and dared to do it while Bert was trying to sleep. (side issue number 2...when two "gentlemen" friends such as Bert and Ernie cohabitate for an abnormally extended period, does not society make certain assumptions as to their sexual proclivities???) Despite Ernie's efforts to continue his ingestion of food in a quiet and courteous manner, Bert's rage grew increasingly more intense, until at last he sprang from his bed and shook Ernie in an extremely violent manner, causing unchewed bits of food to go spewing forth from Ernie's gaping mouth.

I remember thinking to myself, "Dude is like, one song about the letter P from going postal here..."

I have kept my fears and suspicions silent long enough. There are brothers in arms out in the cyber community who have embraced this cause with a passion and diligence which deserves our admiration, if not respect.

That is all for now................


A Butter Patty from: YouGaveMeAHeadache
on Thursday, June 24, 1999 at 18:07:45 (PDT)

that is actually more than enough


A Butter Patty from: NoOneFuckingCaresAboutBert
on Thursday, June 24, 1999 at 18:09:03 (PDT)

see above


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 24, 1999 at 18:16:02 (PDT)

One anonymous, vitriolic post at a time, please, Ezzy. Thanks.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 24, 1999 at 20:10:23 (PDT)

Thanks for reminding me why I decided to quit posting here, Todd.

Take me off your fucking page too.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 24, 1999 at 21:23:46 (PDT)

Three posts in two hours is "quitting"? Please quit less often. Bill. Richard's post regarding the Bert is Evil site was not exactly news to most of us, but blasting a newbie twice over it is really a bit much, don't you think? And please don't tell everybody about the fucking page, it gets more hits than all my other pages combined. I'm sure things will quiet down once I take your picture off it though. Have another drink and calm down.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 24, 1999 at 22:00:05 (PDT)

CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG?????????


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 24, 1999 at 22:34:24 (PDT)

Ummm Ez...in a mood..hmmmm?


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, June 24, 1999 at 22:43:09 (PDT)

Ummmm...Ez, in a mood..hmmm?


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 25, 1999 at 00:28:36 (PDT)

I thought it was brilliant. I had only seen the original "Bert Is Evil" site, with pics of Bert and Michael Jackson, Rev. Swaggart, Hitler, etc. Now I see that he is a lot more evil than I had thought. The truth needs to get out!

The latest rumor is that Bert liked to drive a mini-van real fast along the sidewalks of Portland, Maine, with his headlights off. He also was seen feeding gunpowder to Mike Tyson before the Holyfield fight, showing off two of his ho's on Springer, and got caught squeezing the Charmin. For that, he must die!

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 25, 1999 at 10:02:07 (PDT)

Tuesday: My boss, who I used to like, makes it clear that it's us vs. him, and I won't win. I start looking for a new job.

Wednesday: Had to call Animal Control on my next-door neighbors, who I actually like, after they ignore a year's worth of requests to shut their damn dog up.

Thursday: Our favorite lil trashy-poetry-spouting poster, whom I like well enough to ignore the loathsomeness of his posts, decides to flame someone over a post that wasn't half as bad as most of his own. I take him to task and he throws a fit.

Overall, a great week.


A Butter Patty from: Doc (or Todd, if you're in a shitty mood)
on Friday, June 25, 1999 at 11:21:43 (PDT)

Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that my sister, who just underwent a double mastectomy and began chemotherapy a week ago, should be losing all her hair any day now, which makes all the above bullshit look like a trip to fucking Disneyland by comparison.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 25, 1999 at 11:26:36 (PDT)

yeah and my fucking tooth hurts dambit!!!

Throw us a fucking bone here ppl!!

smile, relax a little... life goes on. Sorry about your sister doc.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 25, 1999 at 12:40:43 (PDT)

I'm real sorry to hear about your sister, Doc. No female in my family has their original equipment, plumbing-wise. Does anybody know what's causing all this cancer?
One of my friends from High School is the leading Ontologist (that's cancer-doctor, folks) in the world. He's a professor at Oxford. I'll write to him and see what he has to say and post it in here.

For what it's worth, Edgar Cayce said eating a few almonds a day would prevent it, and eating kale and green stuff like that would cure it. What the hey, worth a try.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 25, 1999 at 13:07:58 (PDT)

Well, this is my yearly post for those of you who remember me. Um, I have nothing to say. Thank you for your kind attention. :I


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 25, 1999 at 14:21:20 (PDT)

And just who is this nightraven fellow anyways? Is he any relation to the niteraven fellow who used to taunt me about the ineptitude of my favorite sports team until I would run away from the computer and cry myself to sleep? Boy, I am glad the Mariners have the best pitching staff in baseball now (it's true - they have the highest team ERA in the majors by far. We're no.1!) and that those days are over.

Now, anyone remember who this Billy feller is? Call the office.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, June 25, 1999 at 15:17:12 (PDT)

Hey, I don't miss the POT at all :)

I do miss the fellow who put me under it though :)


A Butter Patty from: HeathCliff_Slocumb
on Sunday, June 27, 1999 at 00:48:49 (PDT)

The Mariners??? That team aint nothin without me!!!! I was the MAN!!!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, June 27, 1999 at 08:43:19 (PDT)

Well, appy Sunday morning all.. NAUT
As ewe kan see thees keybord still isnt worckeng write, but Ill maeke du.

I think I had too many pop-ice in the beanbag.
oh well,
nice to be back on a regular(*semi-regular) basis.

I thought id say hello and be prepared for some Leisure Suit Larry wavs..

as soon as i can remember how to amke this program send files upon request. :-)



A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, June 27, 1999 at 21:11:53 (PDT)

Please join me in wishing a Happy Birthday to.....Amish Rake Fight's Very Own....five wonderful feet tall and standing on a chair.....LUNA THE TUNA!!!!!!!


********************************HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUNA!!!!!!!!!*************************


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 28, 1999 at 02:46:40 (PDT)

A birthday poem:

Today is your birhtday
that we now know is true.
You may be getting older
but no need to be blue.
Sometimes we get sad
when a birthday rolls around,
Feeling another years wasted,
that you've let people down.
Well, just remember this
as the day passes to night,
you have lots of friends
in the #amish_rake_fight.
Just throw a big party
and invite all your friends
then type "/me brings a keg",
get drunk, & later make ammends.
Break out the music,
and dance through the night,
(I've got the bean bags, popice,
and a groovy lava light.)
See? You have great friends
to bring you good cheer.
oh wait, you hang out with us....

better luck next year.


Happy Birthday Luna.

Ehcin


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 28, 1999 at 04:01:54 (PDT)

Happy Birthday Luna!!!!!!!!!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 28, 1999 at 08:39:41 (PDT)

Happy Birthday to ewe,
Happy Birthday to ewe,
Happy Birthday to Loo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oona,
Happy Birthday to ewe.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 28, 1999 at 10:09:01 (PDT)

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
Just a "short" note to wish you a happy "little" birthday. You're the sassiest!


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 28, 1999 at 14:38:49 (PDT)

Happy Birthday Yellow Smiley:) Hey someone teach me how to type colors on here:)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{LooneyTooney****}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}]

Fitzie


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 28, 1999 at 19:24:50 (PDT)

awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

thanks :)

*HUGS*


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, June 28, 1999 at 21:23:02 (PDT)

Happy belated birthday Luna!!!! I am sorry I was late but was throwing a bone at Billy.


A Butter Patty from: Me
on Tuesday, June 29, 1999 at 03:01:01 (PDT)

Happy b-day, Luna! ;^)


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 29, 1999 at 04:01:41 (PDT)

Happy Birthday Luna
(J/K about that 'OLD' gag)
:)


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, June 29, 1999 at 11:56:13 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

If you're like me, you'd love an opportunity to see the new Weird Al video before it airs on emptyV. So, click the above link already, and you can watch it to your hearts content. WARNING TO ED ZEPPELIN: it's to the tune of "American Pie," and I know how you feel about that....


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