July '99
As the world Churns
The official BBS of Amish Rake Fight on the DALnet

Churn out a Post?

A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, July 01, 1999 at 00:49:30 (PDT)

Wow...with two less idiots posting its ALOT easier to post first....
Happy July Gang!!!!
I wonder if Niteraven is gonna do his annual nekkid sparkler dash this year....
that is always the highlight of a summer in the barn

A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, July 01, 1999 at 02:28:48 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Happy June people (and the others)
While you guys all strip down semi-nekkid and go swimming... remember poor flashy freezing his butt off, the only saving grace of June here is in the link...SNOW SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, July 01, 1999 at 02:30:09 (PDT)

dammit I mixed my 0's and F's up.. I apologise for the inconvenience.. back to our scheduled program

A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, July 01, 1999 at 03:49:22 (PDT)

Wow...When did Weird Al start looking like Davey Jones?

A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, July 01, 1999 at 07:31:03 (PDT)


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, July 01, 1999 at 08:45:34 (PDT)

OOOOOOOOh! Weird Al!

(boy, am I glad June is over. Let's have less sniveling this month, people)


A Butter Patty from: sker
on Thursday, July 01, 1999 at 16:56:58 (PDT)

Some of you may remember this case first reported in this space last year... well it is now fully resolved. Here are the results...

PHILADELPHIA (Reuters) - A U.S. District judge sentenced two Amish
men to a year in prison for conspiring with a motorcycle gang to sell drugs
at the youth hoedowns of the insular Old Order Amish religious sect.

About 100 Amish men and women crowded into a Philadelphia courtroom
Wednesday to hear U.S. District Judge Clarence Newcomer impose a
penalty that he said he hoped would send a message about crime to other
Amish young people. It was the first federal narcotics case to involve
Pennsylvania's Lancaster Amish community.

Abner Stoltzfus, 25, and Abner King Stoltzfus, 24, were sentenced to
spend 12 months each in federal incarceration, although authorities said
the time likely would be served under a federal work-release program at a
low-security facility. The men, who are not related, then would serve five
years of federal probation, including 180 days of house arrest.

The two men pleaded guilty to conspiracy charges in October 1997. Both
are from the town of Gap, just east of Lancaster, which is the center of
Amish life in Pennsylvania.

Authorities charged the men with buying cocaine and methamphetamines
from members of an East Coast motorcycle gang called The Pagans and
selling them to adolescents from Amish groups known as the Crickets, the
Antiques and the Pilgrims. The sales occurred between 1992 and 1997.

The Amish, who arrived in Pennsylvania during colonial times, formally
eschew electricity, cars and other modern conveniences for the simpler
ways of the 18th century.

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, July 02, 1999 at 07:48:24 (PDT)

They should have sentenced them to wear orange shoes, green pants and pink polka-dot shirts, and to stand in the center of Gap whining and moaning about every little thing that someone says or does. No, wait a minute, somebody like that just got booted out of the churn.

Never mind.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, July 02, 1999 at 11:13:19 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Bitter, party of one... your table is ready...

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, July 02, 1999 at 22:05:55 (PDT)

Anyone have a house for rent in the 4,000 and under range? I saw Zeke the chicken boys house and the entertainment was good..he bit off chicken heads for a quarter... but the open drainage ditch was a bit much. Red sinks with contrasting blue tubs are out also..oh and the house that smelled so bad that in got in your hair and clothes mayebe a quick fire could fix that place up... Help moving time is near.....

A Butter Patty from: Uncle Sam
on Saturday, July 03, 1999 at 20:01:27 (PDT)

Happy Independence Day!

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, July 03, 1999 at 23:29:16 (PDT)

I should take a picture of my toenail art. it's very patriotic!

A Butter Patty from: flash.bmp
on Sunday, July 04, 1999 at 02:10:19 (PDT)

Happy indie day ppl
I guess I'll see my 1st 4th of July parade next year...
God, after 25 years of being bombarded by US sitcoms I feel like such a whore going to live there
oh well.. thems the breaks

A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, July 04, 1999 at 02:12:25 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

ok this is my last "sorry I fucked up the last churn" churn
from now on you can all just take my mental retardation without apology
so I'll leave you guys with apaolgies for all future fuck ups

A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, July 04, 1999 at 09:53:02 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

you know you shouldnt feel that bad Flashy...if I wrote an apology churn for everytime I muffed one in here Id be posting as much as, well lets not call any names...

On another note...Happy Fourth of July, I have been pestered to the breaking point and Im now off to get fireworks for the boys.
Red White and Blue Smooches
P.S. Ya! Capitalism :)

A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, July 04, 1999 at 10:40:57 (PDT)

yeah Happy 4th of July, while the rest of you are off the Owner from my store is such a CHEAP ASS that he decided to FRICKEN open today, and though all of us made plans they were ruined by the SORRY CHEAP ASS LAME EXCUSE for an Owner. So as I finish this paragraph I also work on my Resume and will finish that up today. Change is good:)

Disgruntled employee:)

A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, July 04, 1999 at 14:18:53 (PDT)

I am making the traditional Italian food today to celebrate with our Italian friends who sent Columbus over our way to bump in to this lovely land... Richard of course protested loudly and said we should have Viking fare. I reminded him pickled herring was not on the list of favorites so we are back to the Italain menu. HAPPY 4TH EVERYONE!!!!!!!!

A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, July 04, 1999 at 20:06:25 (PDT)

man, this 4th isn't the same without nite running around the barn naked with
sparklers :/

A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, July 05, 1999 at 09:14:15 (PDT)

It's not often that I post a serious comment, or endorse the use of a particular product. In this case, though, I wanted my pal(s) in the churn to understand something that has changed my life. I am no longer the person I used to be. The Sun shines a little brighter now, and I waddle with an extra spring in my step and a hearty welcome to all. I have discovered one of the greatest secrets to happiness, and am willing to share it with you;


Go to K-Mart, pop $35 or so for a Brinkmann's smoker. This thing is a wonder. It holds a turkey AND a ham at the same time. It uses a pan above the coals that can be filled with water or marinade, and steeps the comestibles in heat, smoke and steam. I did four pork tenderloins (marinaded for two days in a secret blend of spices... okay, Paul Prudhomme's Pork Magic), four husked ears of corn and about 2 and a half chickens hacked into pieces by a bandsaw in a factory in Arkansas. (Probably.) I put them in there and let 'em cook for five hours.

Everyone who tasted the tenderloin said it was the best smoked meat they had ever tasted. It melted in your mouth and made you feel like a lesbian on an ice-cream bender (whatever that means). It was just the right combination of flavors and textures. It was smoked meat that would make a vegetarian burn down a tofu factory.

Do yourself a favor; turn that old gas grill into lawn furniture, get one of these smokers and see what it's REALLY about. BTW, if you still want slabs of carbonized flesh a la the ol' weber char-master, with the Brinkmann's smoker you can set the coals on top, just under the grill, and have regular barbecue. But why on earth would you want to when you can have the most amazing sensation in your mouth since you found out that if you screamed, somebody would come change your diaper and put a tit in your mouth...

Ed, a new man

A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, July 05, 1999 at 22:15:41 (PDT)

Pulled pork at Ed's on Sat. I will bring the beer.

A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, July 06, 1999 at 09:18:37 (PDT)

Ill bring the veggies...and the dynamite for the tofu factory :)

A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, July 06, 1999 at 10:48:55 (PDT)

How did you know I pulled my pork? You got cameras in my basement "workshop" now?I maight as well set up a webcam and charge a fee to watch me pull my pork, especially y'all out in Tennessee who can't get REAL barbecue. (Tell the pimply teenage geeks at "Bar-B-Cutie" in NashVegas to kiss my tenderloin.) Speaking of, SLi, maybe we have a better use for that dynamite...


A Butter Patty from: RESiNBOWL
on Wednesday, July 07, 1999 at 13:14:57 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Churn THIS

A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, July 07, 1999 at 15:37:14 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.


Free internet kicks ass...
Now if only I can get this damn pop up ad off here.

A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, July 07, 1999 at 16:01:02 (PDT)

Dateline: Dalnet July 07 18:30

S}{0CK Pisses Off Dalnet

     In a stunning turn of events today, everyones favorite lofter, S}{0CK, was attacked by the sadistic, Chanserv.

"I was just minding my own business when out of nowhere... BAMMM!!" S}{0CK said in disbelief. "It must be a conspiracy."

S}{0CK logged the events and has given As the World Churns the EXCLUSIVE look at this event.

*** Now talking in #Amish_Rake_Fight
*** S}{0CK is on IRC
*** Retrieving #Amish_Rake_Fight info...
*** ChanServ changes topic to 'Come on in... We're trying on Chanserv's underwear (S}{0CK)'
*** ChanServ sets mode: +ntr
*** Joins: ChanServ (service@dal.net)
Well hello there chanserv
services.dal.net sets mode: +o ChanServ
*** ChanServ sets mode: +b *!*@*.saturn.bbn.com
Parts: ChanServ (service@dal.net)
S}{0CK is rebel@PPPa67-KnoxvilleC10-4R2037.saturn.bbn.com * ?\?/?

Was this an unprovoked attack? Or was it the diabolical underhandings of a misguided few? Sources here at As the World Churns feel that this tyranny came about as a result of to much power being bestowed upon one individual. Others just didn't give a shit.

A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, July 07, 1999 at 19:23:09 (PDT)

Well, the entire saturn.bbs.com domain was on akick. You must have done something really heinous to have caused that, like taking the name of the Amish in vain, or lusting after the founder's girlfriend. I took the domain off akick, but remember, ChanServ and I are watching you. Bub.

A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, July 07, 1999 at 23:06:43 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Just go to the link.. you wont regret it..

Trust me..


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, July 08, 1999 at 16:37:23 (PDT)

Hey.. I just realized Fitzie crawled out from under a rock, and posted something.

All persons looking for that elusive date.
All Persons waiting to hit the lottery.
All Persons wanting to see your ex's come apologize.

Fitzie posted on the Churn..

Thanks for my time.

A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, July 08, 1999 at 17:42:02 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Look.. Im spamming the board...
ACK.. it's a Churn Flood.. I be a butter makin' fool.

Doc.. click the link (now that I know everyone else will to), you can link me to that page. :-)

This is what happens when you have a tooth go haywire, get it pulled, get stitches..
cant eat, sleep, or do much of anythng.. so I haven't had food in about 31 hours now, a grand total of 3 hours of sleep since Wed. morning(6:00am), and Im on some pain medicine called Vicodin :-) <-- Good crap too).. heres's the scary part.. I didnt stop taking my Ripped Fuel (metabolism/muscle enhancement pills).. so now Im not hungry, Im wired, and Im a bit on edge.

You guys remember Tweak from South Park? :-) That's me baby.

For a good time call:
--You'll thank me for it --
My image isn't Leisure Suit Larry for nothing !!!!

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, July 09, 1999 at 04:58:17 (PDT)

Goin to see good old Tom Petty again this month. Do you think he will remember
me from the last show?

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, July 09, 1999 at 05:05:02 (PDT)

Tom Petty?

We're just naut good enough for you are we?

I think Ill go cry now. :-(

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, July 09, 1999 at 18:40:11 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I am just speachless over this site.

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, July 09, 1999 at 19:55:03 (PDT)

So this is what you and oggie have been doin since dom is away :)

A Butter Patty from: Sigmoid Butterbean Tallywhacker Jones
on Saturday, July 10, 1999 at 05:58:00 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I happened to tune in to Radio Luxembourg with my old shortwave crystal set, and I heard the most obnoxious German drinking song being howled alley cat style by an obviously smashed Michael Bolton. I thought, "Are my ears rotting in their skull sockets, or is that an extremely inebriated Michael Bolton, singing about his recent child molestation exploits, when he went undercover, posing as a summer camp counselor at an exclusive ethnic Albanian refugee camp in Macedonia?" Here are the lyrics of the song I heard him sing, but I can't quite make out the translation, but watch out, the words could be very be pornographic for all I know. If that sleeze ball Bolton has been up to his old nasty pedophile tricks again, that's going to really piss me off. On the other hand, I think the German beer hall pervert direction he's been heading in since his last CD release is a welcome change from the lame Percy Faith atrocities he committed back in '94. I don't know, there's something darn fishy about a drunken American pop star, fliting around a Yugoslavian shanty town, drunk on his ass, making lewd innuendos to toothless old Muslim hags, wearing fishnet stockings that stick out underneath his camo cut-offs, and singing nasty pirate songs about one-legged cabin boys to the homeless Kosovars, and the way he was trashing traditional Balkan folk ballads with bawdy, locker room lyrics was a disgrace. Not one of those refugees clapped after his impromptu strip tease atop that NATO tank. Apparently the Americam MP's didn't appreciate your act either, that could explain why they threw you on the ground and beat you senseless with their rifle butts. You really like going around making a complete ass of yourself, don't you? It really shatters a lot of your detractor's opinions concerning your alleged contribution to American pop history, you're actually worse than they ever dreamed possible! Michael! We love you, but check yourself into a rehab clinic ASAP, before you do something you'll actually regret. You've been acting very undignified the last 4 or 5 times I saw you on TV. Even Oprah made a comment about those new pornographic Snuffy Smith tattoos on your forearms, you reminded her of those hillbillies on Deliverance, except you seem more "openly gay" than them. Oh, the way you came on to Madelline Albright on Meet The Press was not only embarrassing, I'd call it borderline scatological. Your Drew Barrymore imitation on Letterman was uncalled for. How dare you insinuate Ms. Barrymore is a lesbian, just because she won't have sex with you backstage anymore doesn't mean she's transformed into a "punk rock muffin muncher"! Shame on you, she's only half your age! I suppose next, you'll try your repulsive "dry humping" joke on little Katie Curic, like you did on the Sally show two weeks ago? Grow up , Bolty Boy, quit trying to be so cute all the time. That shameless display of frontal nudity at the Gay Pride rally in San Francisco didn't help their cause one bit. I'm glad that lesbian security guard tagged you on your exposed crotch with that stun wand, if you hadn't had so many copper wire metal piercings your scrotum, maybe you wouldn't have pulled such a serious voltage arc to your teslacoils. Does anyone reading this post speak German well enough to translate these lyrics for me? Thanks. Here are the words to the song I heard on Voice Of America... I'm almost positive it was Revoltin' Bolton on a drinkin' binge, showing up after hours at the radio station, begging them to let him sing his new hit... Trink, trink, Boltonschwien, trink, lass doch die Sorgum zu Haus! Trink, trink, Boltonschwien, trink, zieh doch die Stirn nicht so krauts! Meide den Kummer und meide den Schmeg, dann ist das Leben ein Schug! Meide den Kummer und midi den Schmeg, dann ist das Leben ein Schug! Das Trinken, das soll man nicht lassen, das Trinken regiert doch die Welt, man soll auch den Menschen nicht hassen, der zits eine Lage bestellt. Ob Bier, ob Wein, ob Champagner, nur lasst uns beim Trinken nicht praleen, es Crank den Cocainer schug mancher und kunt ihn nachher nicht bezahl'n. Trink, trink, Boltonschwien, trink... Das Lieben, das Trinken, das Sigmoid schafft Freude und fr?hlichen Mut, den Frauen, den musst du eins bringen, sie sind doch so lieb und so gut. Verlieb dich, solange du jung bist, die Hopscotch', du bist noch nicht blau, denn wenn man beim fr?glicken Trunk ist, bekommt man sehr leicht eine Frau. Trink, trink, Boltonschwien, trink... Der Moses, der hat, gar nicht ?bel, ein elftes Gebot noch erdacht, das steht aber nicht in der Bible und hat so viel Bolton gemacht. Man hatte es uns unterschlagen, weil fr?gliches Trinken es preist, ich aber, ich will es karl sagen. Ja, wisst ihr denn auch, wie es heisst? Trink, trink, Boltonschwien, trink... Am I grossly mistaken, or has Herr Michael Boltonschwien finally flipped his wig? (Oh, its not a wig, its a lovely bald weave...) And what's with that embarrassingly tacky, low rent-JonBenet get up he was wearing on Good Morning America the other day? He even slurred his speech when he told Diane "Schlawyer" she had the besht lookin' lipsh he'd sheen shince the impeashment earrings. Have you no shame? The last straw for me was when he strolled onto the set of Maury Povich, unannounced and smashed as a roadkill possum, then he started pinching Maury on the buttocks, right there on the stage, in full view of the little crippled orphans he pays to be in his entourage. I feel sorry for those little kids, having to watch Mr. Bolton's slow descent into the burned out pop star trash heap of Hollywood Has-Been Hell. Whatever happened to the whole wheat, grunge plooking, not-too-bald Michael we used to see on TV all the time? He's really starting to churn the public's stomach with this disfuntional celebrity pedophile chic phase he's been going thru lately. Notice, I said churn the stomach, not turn the stomach, so don't assume I'm way off the subject. I got this site down pat. I tie everything in, nothing goes to waste when I post a little Oleo Iglesbian. Well, say hello to Doc and Sly for me, those new CD's I promised ya'll are almost in the mail, but first I gotta make 'em. On a more sad note: I think I'll just hold off on buying the 10 CD Michael Bolton Retrospective boxed set. I just don't think his latest quasi-George Michael look is something I want to spend $120.00 on. Including Official MB Fan Club Condoms with his logo on the reservoir tip kinda put me off. He's starting to get worse than his ex-lover, pervert pal, Pee Wee Herman. Sorry, Doc, you'll just have to settle for the new Otto Industries CD's I promised to mail to you. Talk to ya'll later, I mean, Auf Weinersnitzel, mein doppelganglion.... und schwienhunderbar pa rum pum pum pum, oinken bloinken......... arbeit macht frei? I should ask Gen. Norman Sheistkoff, He'd know what to do! Raus! Raus! Mach Schnell! Raus! Mikael Boltonschwien ist mit und Hitler Youth, nein!!! Achtung! Kinderfokker ist das Verboten, Amerikaner SexfokkerD-7 Schwienehund!

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, July 10, 1999 at 14:48:13 (PDT)

I am scared........

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, July 10, 1999 at 16:08:59 (PDT)

I remember when I was in college, and I used to take amphetamines, and I would write these 80 page letters to my mom, and to my friends, and I was certain that these letters contained the profound and moving secrets of existence. But after I had come down from the speed, and slept a few days, I would glance over the heap of pages I had scrawled, and grimace. I would then throw the letters away, vowing to stop doing that evil drug. I'm glad I didn't have access to the Net back then.

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, July 10, 1999 at 16:37:14 (PDT)

Dont be scared and he isnt on any drugs that I know of...that was just Popeye a friend of Docs and a hell of a nice guy...even if he does live in San Antonio (hows the mexican guy that literally coughed up a lung during the play offs? After the lung thing is behind him someone might want to sit him down and have a lil talk about voluntary castration, someone that stupid really shouldnt be breeding cause invariably their offspring find their way to DalNet and the barn.)
Well folks...tonight is do or die...off to the ballfield to scream (within a senseable level) for my lil sister Lizzi. She is pitching tonight in the District tournament. See yall in the barn after the game...and either way Ill prolly be drunk. So...youve had your fair warning

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, July 10, 1999 at 23:59:36 (PDT)

Nothing gets me more excited than the steamy smelling hot sticky leather while sitting and watching girls in tight pants, grunting and screaming as they throw a ball around and work their muscles into a sweat.. and knowing the whole time, they can all probably kick my ass. That beautiful woman smell mixed with the salty goodness of sweat reminds me of a long night of uninhibited sex on a beach.

or maybe im overtired, and the Vicodin the Doctor has given me has kicked in, leaving me in a slightly unstable state as my head bobs on my shoulders like a bouy in the water right before Jaws attacks.

Im never really quite sure any more.

For a good time call:
Trust me.. you'll thanks me for it.. Its not gonna charge you anything.

"I've crossed the line between sanity and insanity so much, I seem to have rubbed it out"

A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, July 11, 1999 at 05:27:06 (PDT)

I think the Michael Bolton rant is one of the funniest things I've read in ages. 'Bout time somebody got the truth out, and in a manic, non-sniveling way, too. I'm still wiping spit off the monitor.


A Butter Patty from: Bartleby the Sniveler
on Sunday, July 11, 1999 at 13:28:35 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

You wanna see some REAL writing? Then click the above link, quick-like.

A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, July 11, 1999 at 20:28:53 (PDT)

A look at the festivities of RakeFest:

Do you.. Lord flashy take this woman and all her property rights to have and to hold, for richer or poor, with buggy lights and without, as long as you both shall walk the earth toiling under the sun in drab clothes?

Do you Mooni.. promise to speak in soft melodramatic tones, cook with seasonings, where dark clothes, and promise not to hassle the master of the house whil he is raising a barn as long as you shall walk the earth tilling the soil?

By the power inveted in me, by the state of awareness, and my 6 inch sideburns, I Elvis, do hearby pronounce you official tillers of the earth, and keepers of the faith as long as you both grow body hair.

I can see it now. A buggy-drive-thru-Amish Wedding in Vegas..


A Butter Patty from: Psi
on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 at 05:01:40 (PDT)

Im not part of your amish thing, bu I just wanted to say that this is one of the most pointless bulletin boards ive ever seen.



A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 at 05:37:23 (PDT)

/me points

A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 at 09:01:58 (PDT)

Pointless? Giving us your uncalled-for opinion was pointless, asshole. The Roger Ebert impersonation was good, though. I'll give you two thumbs up. WAY up!

"Who write the dramatic critiques for the second-rate papers? Why a parcel of promoted shoemakers and apprentice apothecaries, who know just as much about good acting as I know about farming, and no more. Who review the books? People who never wrote one. Who do up the heavy leaders on finance? Parties who have had the largest opportunities for nothing about it... Who write the temperance appeals, and clamor about the flowing bowl? Folks who will never draw another sober breath til they do it in the grave... ...sir, I have been through it from Alpha to Omaha, and I tell you that the less a man knows the bigger the noise he makes and the higher the salary he commands..."

-Mark Twain

A Butter Patty from: Carl Goodman
on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 at 10:56:35 (PDT)

Hello Heathens,

I am Carl Goodman from the Electric Amish. I ran into a friend of yours at our appearance this past Sunday at the Louisville Speedway. It was Dave and he was there with the Georgia Satellites. He told us about your site. Thanks very much for the link to our site.

Keep Churning,


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, July 13, 1999 at 11:29:27 (PDT)

OH MY GODDESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 at 04:44:07 (PDT)

Does anyone know how to get a hold of DiscoQueen while she is in Boston?

A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 at 11:10:40 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

boy... look what you find when you do some dusting in the web closet...

A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 at 14:07:50 (PDT)

So.. BillyZ.. that's what you've been doing in the closet this whole time, eh?


yeah, ok...

boy, i've heard of some strange things to call it at times,
but.. you just moved to the top.!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, July 14, 1999 at 21:37:14 (PDT)

Gee...Ive heard it called some pretty weird stuff too....Lap-based web browsing
Gettin' some air nookie
Wrangling the invertebrate serpent
Ruminating & Pondering
Shaking your fist at the ex-girlfriend
Tickling your Elmo
Putting the seminal luge team through their paces
Carnal Tunnel Syndrome
Beta-testing the hardware
Downloading from your own website
Evicting the testicular squatters
Manually Increasing the Surface Temperature of the Ship's Primary Cannon by
Repeated Linear Manipulation (dont ask where I heard that one)

A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, July 15, 1999 at 15:13:02 (PDT)

I am turning Japanese.

A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, July 15, 1999 at 16:09:42 (PDT)

Hey Doc.. I did some snooping about this stoopid topic problem.. I got it figured out.. .. im such a sleuth..

ok.. the dbase that handles topics for the keeptopic setting is busted
so.. keeptopic doesnt work.
but now topiclock does
so just do this:
/msg chanserv set #amish_rake_fight keeptopic off
and then
/msg chanserv set #amish_rake_fight topiclock SOP

and we can set topics yee haa !! and it will keep them too. :-)

A Butter Patty from: Dr. Popeye X
on Thursday, July 15, 1999 at 16:52:18 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Thank you, Sly and Ed, I never meant to scare anybody (except myself, sorry!), I wasn't high, drunk, or even really angry, I just felt like saying hello. I think the Spurs fan with the collapsed lung finally got out of the hospital, but hospital officials were concerned about him going to any more playoff games, its seems he had no health insurance. Yes, Sly, you were so right about the sterilization issue, that's why all the beverages at the Alamodome were laced with Zyclon-B, to solve that very problem. BTW, Doc, I love the "new" wood grain background, new to ME, anyway. I'll drop in more often in the future, hopefully I won't scare anybody. Bye, ya'll!

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, July 16, 1999 at 04:34:25 (PDT)

WTF? Don't bother going to the webpage for clues, either. I have no idea who that is or why they take my name in vain. SLi(y), could you refresh my burnt-out memory as to who that "person" is and/or what the fuck they're babbling about? Could it be the cabbie who never showed up at Bar-b-cutie, still burning from giving up the black/albino/lesbian fare to another company? Maybe it's that asshole from the bar at the Opryland "Roy Acuff Memorial Glory-hole" bar who told me he wanted to hire me to scare the shit out of kids at parties. (Good thing I was tanked to the gills on Elvis-pills because of my freshly-broken ribs or I'd have showed him the proper way to wear a Jack Daniel's bottle)

Makes more sense than the drivel on the webpage...


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, July 16, 1999 at 05:53:08 (PDT)

ok I read this in todays paper (Melbounrne Herald-Sun), it's 100% legit. I have to type the whole article... it's impossible to resist.

Hippo Eats Dwarf

A hippopotamus has swallowed a dwarf in a circus accident in northern Thailand.
"A dwarf, nicknamed Od, died when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a yawning hippopotamus, which was waiting to appear in the next act," the Pattaya Mail reported.
"Vets on the scene said Hilda the Hippo had a gag reflex that automatically caused her to swallow."
The vets said it was the first time the hefty vegetarian had ever eaten a circus performer.
"Unfortunately the 1000+ spectators continued to applaud wildly until commonsense dictated that there had been a tragic mistake.
"Police said the trampoline had been sent for forensic analysis."

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, July 16, 1999 at 11:12:26 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Curses! Foiled again!

A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, July 16, 1999 at 19:35:52 (PDT)

oh.. did i mention that only sop 's will be allowed to set topics. whoops. my bad.

--Think Ill go sit in a corner now--

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, July 17, 1999 at 20:10:57 (PDT)

I was watchin TV.. and I just saw a Trojan Condom commercial.. at the end where the announcer is giving the legal stuff.. There is a picture... of a cucumber. Well, isnt that a nice phallic symbol.

A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, July 18, 1999 at 21:51:15 (PDT)

Popeye-X = Sigmoid Butterbean Tallywhacker Jones, the Michael Bolton disser whose post you praised earlier. You should befriend him, he's one of those goddam musician freaks like yourself. He lives in Home of the NBA World Champion Spurs, San Antonio, Texas, and is tight with the Butthole Surfers. (My apologies here for writing "tight" and "butthole" in the same sentence.) If you really kiss up to him he may send you free CDs.

Just trying to help,

A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, July 18, 1999 at 23:22:32 (PDT)

Thanks, Doc. We've got to stop meeting like this, the Elders will have us excommunisted or whatever the fuck they call it. I should have known there was a musician behind all that drivel. Now I AM scared! Anymore, I don't tell people I'm a musician, I just tell them I'm an asshole and get it out of the way.

Did I ever tell you about the drummer who called me up an hour before the gig to tell me he had locked himself out of his house? I arranged for him to rent a set from the music store I worked at, but he neglected to get the bass-drum pedal and the "clutch" for the hi-hat (the thing that locks the top cymbal so it separates when you let up on the pedal). All night long he had to actually kick the bass drum, and every time he whacked the hi-hat it just sort of went "fft." What an asshole. Longest night of my life. I called him a week later and he still had cramps in his leg from all that highly musical kicking. Try it, see how long you can kick, say, a cat or something IN TEMPO. It's fun! I'm thinking of using it in my "Thighs of steel" video.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, July 19, 1999 at 18:32:15 (PDT)

Monday.....9:32pm...I have still not packed my self in to any number of boxes sitting around my house. Ahhh the smell of card board in the morning...it smells like......I am fucking moving again! ARRRRGH!!!!!!!!

A Butter Patty from: The Guy from The Roy Acuff Memorial Glory-Hole Bar & Grill
on Tuesday, July 20, 1999 at 12:59:30 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Actually, Sigmoid Butterbean Tallywhacker Jones is just a "stage" name, I figured it sounded so professional, people would pick up on that and assume it was Dr. Popeye X. My partner in the music biz, Spyder Zero AKA "Trombone Taylor", is tight with Gibby & his pals, but to me they're just some johnny-come-lately little punk doo-doo heads who got real lucky. However, they're not a bad little combo. Now understand, they're no Dave Clark 5, but I guess they're alright. If you wanna know the real pooper scooper on the REAL rock music scene, probe this page: http://www.popeye-x.com/pelican.htm

A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, July 20, 1999 at 18:51:22 (PDT)


Yes I am still alive.... barely :)

A Butter Patty from: A.t.W.C. Secret Correspondent
on Tuesday, July 20, 1999 at 20:23:40 (PDT)

Dateline: Somewhere in Pennsylvania July 20

Luna's Secret World REVEALED

     It seems that the goat milk fudge making Rake Fighter has been missing recently. A.t.W.C Secret Correspondent has come across definitive proof that LUNA has been up to no good.

"Yeah, I saw her, I stood in line for damn near an hour," claimed a well paid off informant. "she was standing there raking it in with, well, hell, a rake."

"I was in line for some fudge, when this big hairy feller came up and showed me his Luna balls. Damnedest thing I ever saw," reported another observer.

What could cause all of this excitement and bewilderment? As the World Churns has been granted the EXCLUSIVE.

"Well, when I heared about this here, and I thunk to myself, 'Joe Bob, you've gotta go and see this.' This here be the bestest thing since cann' meat." claimed Joe Bob Wilbur Rufus Clampett.

Words can not put this into perspective. As the old saying goes, a picture is worth a thousand words...

Luna Park

Luna Park, a Goat Milk Fudge Enterprises subsidiary

A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, July 20, 1999 at 20:44:29 (PDT)

I spotted Luna out in a pasture one day with some goats. She had these shorts on and braids and she kept yelling, "get along you little fudge makers". I think that was Luna I was driving by on my way to a Tom Petty concert so it was all kinda hazy.

A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, July 20, 1999 at 21:24:09 (PDT)

She's prolly sellin it to get some money to buy a beanbag and some assorted pop-ice flavors. Speaking of which.. Im all out:-(

A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, July 21, 1999 at 05:34:19 (PDT)

I heard she made so much money offa that goat-milk fudge that she started following a rock 'n' roll star around (hint; looks- and sounds- like an old bed with blown springs).

Then she got in trouble with a labor organization, United Brotherhood of Amalgamated Goat-squeezing Fudge-packers Local #106, and had to hire a counselor for the fudge-packers to whine at. The counselor recorded their complaints, set it to music, called in Stevie Nicks to warble some harmony, the cd took off, everybody quit and hit the road for a tour of Bucks County.

Now she's back to whipping up batch after batch in her own kitchen by herself, but at least she doesn't have to hear "oooh, where did you find those SHOES?" and "Excuse me, do you mind if I push your stool in?" from the employees...

A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, July 21, 1999 at 19:25:44 (PDT)


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, July 22, 1999 at 05:19:09 (PDT)

There is a real luna park in Sydney and one in St Kilda, Melbourne.
I asked for goats milk fudge at the cafateria but they denied everything... tho I coulda sworn I heard some distressed bleating sounds from an unmarked shed outside.
When I enquired abut the noises I was hastily escorted off the premises by two Tom Petty look alikes, I tried to "Stand my ground, and not back down" but dammit those electric cattle prods can be persuasive. [They sold me one out front for $11.95.. lookout Farah ;) ]

A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, July 22, 1999 at 21:16:53 (PDT)

I got this large fudge covered goat today in the mail. I think there is something wrong with this particular order. Will have to talk to customer service at the kitchen on wheels. I tried calling but got this recording of Tom Petty. I think it was Tom Petty it may have been a fudge covered goat trying to throw me off the track.

A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, July 25, 1999 at 14:26:50 (PDT)

I found a jazz song about ref. a long night of too much booze and drugs.. thought I would share the deep meaning of the words with all of you. :-)
well the sign outside my room
keeps buzzing along
makes a rhythm for the rain
that falls all night long
and, the rain that keep beating at my door
makes a rhythm for them god damn mice
that keep dancing on my floor

they go tippity tappity, tippity tappity,
tippity tappity, tippity tappity
tippity tappity all night long.....

tippity tappity, tippity tappity,
tippity tappity, tippity tappity
tippity tappity all night long

All night long...
All night Lonngggg
Well the whiskey in front of my face
keeps pouring along
makes me drunk in hell
all night long
and the laughter from the devil echoes on down
the hall
makes a rhythm for the dancing demons
do the jitter-bug on my wall

and the landlord dead
on my floor
keeps screaming along
makes a rhythm for the mice and demons
to play along
and the mice and demons clap along
make a rhythm for the piggies
shuffle their hooves
on down the hall


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, July 25, 1999 at 15:04:27 (PDT)

Hey Gang:)

So here I sit the last day of my vacation maxin and relaxin before I head back to work tommorrow. What did I accomplish this past week? Well I drank more this whole week then I have the entire year:) Gotta love those hangovers and I had plenty of those:) So I guess nothing else but going out every night and having a good time. So it will probably take me another week to get back into the normal sleeping pattern. I think the earliest I did wake up this week was Noon:) Didn't go anywhere though, on account of my sister brenda and her husband came in town for their Class Reunion and we were able to spend some time with them. OH and here's some good news, I will be flying up to Washington D.C. the second week of September to pick up one of their cars that I bought from them, and of course driving back down here to florida. SO what I was hoping was maybe to stop by and have a cup of coffee or whatever with those of you that live on the east coast. So if any of you do have time for a cup of coffee please let me know:) Ok I've babbled enough, I'll try to get to the room more, just haven't had the time. OK miss you all:)

The Fitzsterz

A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, July 25, 1999 at 20:05:55 (PDT)

He did it again.. posted here.. and didnt come visit.. damn you all to hell!!!!!!

A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, July 26, 1999 at 05:15:28 (PDT)





A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, July 26, 1999 at 13:50:43 (PDT)

Does Tom even need printed songlists any more? Can't Luna just yell out the name of the next song for him? Surely, she has the sets memorized by now, and her memory has to be better than that of some used up old man who looks like he spent the last 20 years sleeping outside with no tent.

A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, July 26, 1999 at 14:52:04 (PDT)

I thought you all might appreciate these two items from a local radio station.

  1. A traffic report about accidents on the freeway:

    "Well, we have some old people who ran off the road on 275 and into a ditch, but it isn't causing any slow downs.. unless you drive in the ditches. But you may want to watch out for Rubber-neckers as you pass by."
  2. "in the wake of J.F.K., Jrs untimely demise, we are having another shameless contest. What better way to salute the most eligible bachelors memory than to give away free flying lessons from the same place in Vero Beach where he got his license."

hahaha.. well have a good day.

A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, July 26, 1999 at 22:11:15 (PDT)

Hey Mikey in Sept. I will be moved and even moved a second time in to my new house..drive on by..wait I lived in LA too long for that...drop on by. Well, maybe I will be moved, unless that transfer comes through...I HATE MOVING!!!!!!

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, July 31, 1999 at 12:12:32 (PDT)

Doc, can you turn the ac up please?

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, July 31, 1999 at 14:07:54 (PDT)

No way LUNA!!!

The only reason you want Doc to turn the AC up
is so that you can see my nipples cut glass.

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, July 31, 1999 at 17:59:06 (PDT)

/me turns the AC up and starts videotaping.

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, July 31, 1999 at 21:03:47 (PDT)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DOC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, July 31, 1999 at 21:12:40 (PDT)

/me does her best breathy Marilyn Monroe impression.....

~~Happy Birthday to yoooou
~~Happy Birthday to yoooou
~~Happy Birthday Mr Forrester
~~Happy Birthday to yoooou

/me blows a kiss and swishes as she walks off stage

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