January '99
As the worldChurns
The official BBS of Amish Rake Fight on the DALnet


Churn out a Post?


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, January 01, 1999 at 01:32:47 (PST)

I am the first poster of the year??? I'm suddenly speechless!
PaleFire


...


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, January 01, 1999 at 07:28:59 (PST)

You know what they say bout being in second place... the view isn't nearly as good.

:/


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, January 01, 1999 at 13:14:05 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Oh yeah... Happy New Year.

This is gonna be the year that we come out of the barn!

(festive and seasonally correct included above)


A Butter Patty from: AliceinW
on Friday, January 01, 1999 at 22:11:32 (PST)

Reflections on speach and coming in second..... I have absolutly nothing to add. Does this mean I don't get to pinch your ass Bill?...Pout....

Luna where are you when we need you...Help Luna Help!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 02, 1999 at 10:41:59 (PST)

/me holds bill so alice can pinch his butt : )


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 02, 1999 at 11:55:19 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Oh YEAAH!!!

I like thissssss TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!!!!!!!

HURT ME!! HURT ME!!!!!!!!!


A Butter Patty from: Karl Loren
on Saturday, January 02, 1999 at 13:26:58 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Is this really about butter?

I have met many Omish, does that qualify?

I write about health things, including about the Godlieness of butter.

Is that OK?

My web referral is to Chapter Three of my book about the lies told about
margarine and butter. Obviously, if I'm posting here, I am a booster of
butter and call margarine an evil thing.

I could use some help about butter if you wish to contribute to my Chapter
Three.



A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 02, 1999 at 14:22:01 (PST)

Chapter Three:

LUNG BUTTER


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 02, 1999 at 15:57:23 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

width="437" height="278" alt="Image299.gif (4326 bytes)">



Lard producing dead swine.





A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 02, 1999 at 15:58:11 (PST)

Well, wasn't THAT special!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 02, 1999 at 17:38:48 (PST)

First point.... I dont trust anyone who quotes L. Ron Hubbard
Second point....Who was that masked moron?
Third point....Is lung butter actually a dairy product?

Well.....that was pointless

Smooches


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 02, 1999 at 17:59:03 (PST)

Everyone behave or I'll clear this dump.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 02, 1999 at 20:57:30 (PST)

Yea and he means it too! Doc can clear a kidney bean convention with one of his farts!!

;o)

/me ducks

BillyZ


A Butter Patty from: AliceinW.jpeg
on Saturday, January 02, 1999 at 22:57:45 (PST)

FOR THE LOVE OF BUTTER:

Once I was rubbing butter all over a loved one thinking this might be a good medium to lick off. Unlike the jalapenos I had used the week before, (but that is another story) and found the wonderful creamy smooth texture, unsalted of course, to be an insparation to fuzzy lens work and art photos. Now between the heaters and talking people into painting them selfs white and pretending to be popcorn and rolling in the melted stuff I was in a buttery sort of heaven. Kind of like when you smell the cinamon buns all over the mall when you are starved. Greasy bodies running here and there the smell of melted butter and the fresh baking bread in the oven..... Did I fail to mention the bread? I was just beside my self and started clicking away with the buttery lens of my nikon.
The pictures did come out clear enough to tell just who every one is and you can buy the negaitives at a very cheep price, the bread photos being extra. You know who you are my slippery litle devils and if you don't want any one else to know who you are just send $100.00 per photo in small unmarked bills to: Buttery Buns and Popcorn PO Box 555 Milwaukee, Wis. (The Dairy State)

Until next time with jello love and buttery kisses.......


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 02, 1999 at 23:00:10 (PST)

Damn it now I just have to figure out how to work this thing ........


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 02, 1999 at 23:01:42 (PST)

is it soup yet?


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, January 03, 1999 at 09:57:06 (PST)

I warned you, Billy.

Doc


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, January 03, 1999 at 20:57:57 (PST)

/me giggles


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, January 04, 1999 at 21:55:26 (PST)

Wish that I was on Ol' Rocky Top down in the Tennessee Hills
Aint no smoggy smoke on Rocky Top; Aint no telephone bills
Once I had a girl on Ol Rocky Top; Half bear the other half cat;
Wild as a mink and sweet as soda pop. I still dream about that.

Rocky Top Youll always be Home Sweet Home to Me
Good Ol' Rocky Top
Rocky Top Tennessee
Rocky Top Tennessee

Once two strangers climbed Ol' Rocky Top looking for a moonshine still
Strangers aint come down from Rocky Top; Reckon they never will
Corn wont grow at all on Rocky Top; Dirts too rocky by far
Thats why all the folks on Rocky Top get their corn in a jar

Rocky Top Youll always be Home Sweet Home to Me
Good Ol' Rocky Top
Rocky Top Tennessee
Rocky Top Tennessee

Ive had years of cramped up city life;Trapped like a duck in a pen
All I know is its a pity life cant be simple again.

Rocky Top Youll always be Home Sweet Home to Me
Good Ol' Rocky Top
Rocky Top Tennessee
Rocky Top Tennessee


GO BIG ORANGE!!!!!!!



A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, January 04, 1999 at 21:58:04 (PST)


Never churn drunk....its messy


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, January 05, 1999 at 02:29:08 (PST)

I believe Marlon Brando had the best use of butter in "Last Tango in Paris"


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, January 05, 1999 at 10:30:26 (PST)

WOOOHOOO!!!! Thanks doc!!

I can see up everyone's skirts from this angle!!

/me winks at the gals

BillyZ


A Butter Patty from: Tommy Titwillow
on Tuesday, January 05, 1999 at 13:08:41 (PST)

Ah, the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl... You've got to like any snack with a 'tit' in it.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, January 05, 1999 at 13:22:26 (PST)

Billy, does this mean you can throw away your mirrored shoes now? (no smilie faces allowed)


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, January 05, 1999 at 17:23:48 (PST)

GOD HELP ME! DAVE HAS THE BUTTERKNIFE AND A VERY STRANGE LOOK IN HIS EYE!


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, January 05, 1999 at 21:42:43 (PST)

Part of my New Year's resolution is to get better at exhibitionism. I was going to retire, but I decided to stick it out a while longer. Also, I refuse to eat brussels sprouts or liver until we achieve world peace. Hell, maybe not even then.

From Monty Python's "The Meaning Of Life";

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis.
Isn't it simply grand to have a dong.
It's swell to have a stiffy, it's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger to the world's biggest prick...

So three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas,
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake.
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy or your cock,
You can wrap it up in ribbons, you can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public or they'll stick you in the dock,
And you won't a-come a-back.



A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 06, 1999 at 01:25:47 (PST)

I've been suffering from the insidious winter blahs lately...depressed, tired, crabby, etc. So, at the risk of sounding like an Oprah-loving simp, I will now use my position as first poster of the month (and year, damnit) to suggest our topic: Things That Don't Suck¨ú. I need something to cheer me up! So, here are a few THINGS THAT DON'T SUCK¨ú:
1) It is now possible to buy an ORANGE (well, technically "tangerine") iMac.
2) It is now possible to buy a RED (er, "strawberry") iMac.
3) It is possible to buy SOMETHING other than a Wintel box.
4) You guys don't suck, either. I love (most of) you!
PaleFire




A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 06, 1999 at 10:42:41 (PST)

I bring you this msg from the lovely Nikki, visiting from England and seeing the churn for the first time; (very impressed, I could tell. I Had to wipe the tears out of her eyes after that "Lung Butter" remark, and hold her until the heaves subsided.)

"Eye tink Emedica is one cool place, and the Brrritish are uptight. Now, please take the socks out of your underwear, I want to see what emedicans are *REALLY* like. Thankyouveddymuch."

You did fine, Nikki. See? Nothin' to it. Piece o' cake.

Ed



A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 06, 1999 at 19:53:26 (PST)

THINGS THAT DON'T SUCK FOR THE WINTER BLAHS AND OTHER ALLIMENTS:

1. Butter Rum life savers (although to enjoy you must suck)
2. Nice warm lips (sucking to enjoy is preferable)
3. Real Milwaukee frozen custard (sucking and licking allowed for extra pleasure)
4. A nice hard........*

*now I bet you thought I was going to say cock but not knowing who was reading this I thought I would leave the sucking up to winter and go back to other forms of good cheer.



A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 06, 1999 at 23:10:45 (PST)

#amish_rake_fight can't join channel (you're banned!)

wtf?


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, January 07, 1999 at 08:54:38 (PST)

Sorry Ed -- we had banned that idiot Sloth again. Unfortunately, most of the trouble comes from AOLamers lately, and we tend to ban the entire domain. We detected you and took down the ban as fast as we could, but you were gone by then. Next time, /msg one of us.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, January 07, 1999 at 16:36:39 (PST)

I hear ya. I had it up to HERE with AOL about 3 years ago, but unfortunately until recently it was the only ISP available out here in the boonies (I live in a little beach town in No. California).

Also, it's the only email address Sandra Bullock has for me, so I keep it on the off-chance that she may contact me, wanting another of my patented "Flip-over-and-I'll-drive-you-home" hip muscle workouts.

Maybe you could start a drive to get me a good ISP. Or build a barn, either one.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, January 08, 1999 at 21:36:18 (PST)

HELLO :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 09, 1999 at 22:01:05 (PST)

MISS ME????


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, January 10, 1999 at 11:32:18 (PST)

How come Oggie doesn't have a pic on the ARF page ?????


A Butter Patty from: .
on Sunday, January 10, 1999 at 12:19:45 (PST)

Three pictures down the page from your own, Luna. Best lighten up on the alcohol.


A Butter Patty from: some northerner
on Sunday, January 10, 1999 at 13:02:26 (PST)

Dear Friends,

I'm sure many of you were wondering about the lyrics to "RockyTop", which were posted here earlier in the month. In particular,those of you living north of the Mason-Dixon line may need somehelp with translation of the State Song of Tennessee. So I present:

Rocky Top, translated for Northern consumption

Wish that I was on Ol' Rocky Top down in the Tennessee Hills
(I wish I was on top of a not-very-tallmountain with unforgiving soil conditions)

Aint no smoggy smoke on Rocky Top; Aint no telephone bills
(Like all mountaintops, it's windy and freezing;like most of Tennessee, it has no telephone service)

Once I had a girl on Ol Rocky Top; Half bear the other halfcat;
(Here in Tennessee, we are not strangersto bestiality)

Wild as a mink and sweet as soda pop. I still dream about that.
(This partucular creature didn't have allher teeth, I still suffer nightmares from having made her acquaintance)

(Chorus)
Rocky Top Youll always be Home Sweet Home to Me
(I can't afford bus fare out of the county,let alone the state)

Good Ol' Rocky Top
(The unchallenging simplicity of the viewstimulates me in a positive manner)

Rocky Top Tennessee
(It's not actually a town, this part ofthe lyrics was designed to fool visitors)

Rocky Top Tennessee
(We enjoy fooling visitors; we have a problemwith the educated)

Once two strangers climbed Ol' Rocky Top looking for a moonshinestill
(We know they weren't from around here;they had all their teeth)

Strangers aint come down from Rocky Top; Reckon they neverwill
(Ever see "Deliverance"?)

Corn wont grow at all on Rocky Top; Dirts too rocky by far
(The object of all this repetitive rhapsodizingis a huge mound of gravelly dirt)

Thats why all the folks on Rocky Top get their corn in a jar
(We're all constantly drunk)

(Chorus)

Ive had years of cramped up city life;Trapped like a duck ina pen
(I've been to Memphis. Who puts waterfowlin a pen? The same people who would cross-breed a bear and a cat,that's who)

All I know is its a pity life cant be simple again.
(Apparently, there are no caves on RockyTop)

(Chorus)


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, January 10, 1999 at 16:49:02 (PST)

MY GOD I'M BUYING A HOUSE!!!!!

AND I JUST BOUGHT A STOVE!!!!

SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!!


(wow.. look what happens when one gradimicates!)

BillyZ


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, January 10, 1999 at 21:55:25 (PST)

Next thing you know you will be pregnant, barefoot and cooking for a load of unpotty trained kiddies on the new stove with the house falling down around your head....then you will need the help of your friends from prozac..real life sucks don't it? There is a message in there some where about staying in school and avoiding real life....like mortgage payments, mowing the lawn and cleaning the stove. (we should not go on and depress everyone all at once)

*Brought to you by real life and the making it better people...PROZAC


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, January 11, 1999 at 15:28:37 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

White Trash Wrestling Alliance!

definately too much time on my hands :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, January 11, 1999 at 18:33:59 (PST)

TIPS ON BUILDING A BETTER SNOWMAN:

1. anatomically correct is always good (remember if your snow man has an icicle point it towards the neighbors for their enjoyment)

2: yellow patches are a good contrast to white and can be used through out your creation to accent and make the neighbor think he has been drinking too much again

3. if you run out of coal, frozen dog poop is a wonderful and creative subsitute; be sure to save some for the big defrost and that flaming paper bag, always a big laugh with the neighbors

4. Never use a scarf and hat on your snow man/women as the object is to stay cold instead use a good tie or some panty hose along with clip on earrings this goes for either a snow man or women cross dressing snow men/women always make for good neighbor relations

5. If you start a snow ball at the top of a hill make sure it is the neighbors hill it is always such fun to see an out of control growing mass crash through the sliding glass door and into the large sceen TV the neighbor is so proud of

any other building suggestions would be appreciated, keep in mind your civic pride....


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 13, 1999 at 16:05:38 (PST)

AMISH NEWS BREAK

Michael Jordan hath quit basketball. Again.

Thou mayst remember we did telleth thee that basketball is the game played with the large orange ball, wherein every five seconds a bunch of tall, rich schwartzes jump in the air. He was one of them.

In other news, President of the English Wilhelm Clinton sowed his seed on a maiden's (not his daughter) frock, may be forced to dance naked in public atop a glowing orb of pure argent "mommy-love", according to confirmed lunatic William Rehnquist's interpretation of the Constitution. Meanwhile, former House speaker Newt Gingrich hath finally disappeared up his own backside, fulfilling the prophecy in the Book Of Hebediah 32:16-28


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, January 14, 1999 at 09:05:23 (PST)

Hi Gang,

Seems the GFY Home Page has suddenly become so popular (2,493 visits yesterday) that we are now up against our bandwidth limit. I am taking steps to find a new host server with unlimited bandwidth. Until then, you may find yourself unable to access the Churn at certain times, like during the last 15 minutes of the hour. When this happens, try again shortly after the top of the hour, as the bandwidth limiter resets hourly.

Thanks,
Doc


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, January 14, 1999 at 09:52:04 (PST)

How much you want to bet visits to the gfy page are up because people are linking it in their emails to their congressmen...

Food for thought.

Ed

P.S. I know *I* did!


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, January 14, 1999 at 17:16:58 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

uh huh.. yeah.. whutever.. check the link above- and enjoy!


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, January 14, 1999 at 18:25:50 (PST)

Yeah but I want my picture next to looooona! :)


A Butter Patty from: cari
on Thursday, January 14, 1999 at 19:58:08 (PST)

hello everyone! This page looks fantastic


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, January 15, 1999 at 04:02:45 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Yup, that's pure genius. Before you click on the link above, copy this page's address and paste in the window to follow, click "redneck" or "Elmer Fudd" and laugh your ass off. Good job, Ez. (The GFY page is pretty cool too)

Ed Zeppelin


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, January 15, 1999 at 13:46:28 (PST)



Have I mentioned that I hate winter??????


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, January 15, 1999 at 16:34:54 (PST)

So I was up very late last night and round about 7am Richard says to me; "what is that strange noise". I think ice running off the roof? But no, get up this morning and the once very beautiful wheeping willow that was in the front yard is now on the front porch. We figured out what the funny noise was. Now I call the property manager and guess what the tree guys are charging an hour to get your tree cut up...$400.00, because so many trees went down and they are on over time. Over time, I am in the wrong business. Well I don't have any damage so the tree will wait and the tree guys can stuff it. Now for the worst part... My sister has no power and they may not get it back until Tues. so even though the bed is on order the whole brood may be camping over here. Guess that means sex on the kitchen counters is out for the weekend...Damn it!!!!!

I am with luna winter sucks and gives me the blues...can we sing that?


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 16, 1999 at 10:45:35 (PST)

I know the feeling. I spent two decades in New England, most of it in New Hampshire. I've seen enough snow for one lifetime, and there are still parts of my body that may never come out of hiding again. It gets so cold in New Hampshire, people will carry around huge rocks just to get some heat action happening. OK, maybe I made that up.

As far as Winter in the Bay Area, we had a little rain this morning, and the thermometer dipped all the way down to the low 60's. I actually put on a pair of socks for about an hour. Now the sun is out and the tourists are milling around in brightly-hued clothing, bitching about the snow back home.

Damn right I'm gloating. I earned it. My advice: move somewhere where they have the little round bumps in the road (they're actually called "Bott's Dots", after the inventor, Mr. Bott) because then you'll know there isn't a snowplow for hundreds of miles. When you get there, bore everyone to tears with tales about how fucking cold it was, how the trees fell on everything, and how after being cooped up for half the year, you really could understand why Elvis shot his TV.

Oh, yeah. Keep having sex on the counters and major appliances. It'll warm you up good, and keeps the company amused.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 16, 1999 at 15:29:36 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

I think I've lost it.... lemme know if you come across it.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, January 17, 1999 at 00:03:43 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Congratulations.


You are the 100,111th one to go fuck yourself since 3/22/97.

What can I say???
My heart is full


A Butter Patty from: drunkandstupid
on Sunday, January 17, 1999 at 05:34:14 (PST)

*Bed Spins*
Not a good sign :(


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, January 17, 1999 at 08:44:48 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Actually, I was tracking it, and I think the counter on the GFY site jumped from 98,999 to 100,000. Anyway, the site really has had over 9,000 visitsin the last four days, and currently runs right around 50% capacity all the time. The search for a new web host continues.

Doc


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, January 17, 1999 at 15:50:22 (PST)

I am leaving drunk and stupid a big bottle of cold water, some tylenol, tums and vitamin B later on we can talk about hang over food...one of my favorites used to be In and Out Burger (Double Double) and now... I moved to a cold place with no In and Out Burger. I think I need to get drunk. Or find what Ez has lost. Maybe I will get a prize, ya think?


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, January 18, 1999 at 03:25:33 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

EJ, If that doesn't work, get my # from SLi and I'll freeze you up a couple and fedex them to you. I missed them for 20 years. People just don't know what they're missing.

Ed


A Butter Patty from: alice.jpeg
on Monday, January 18, 1999 at 15:32:14 (PST)

Ed, have I told you I love you lately!!!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, January 18, 1999 at 15:34:26 (PST)

I was so excited about In and out I for got how to post...la dee da


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, January 19, 1999 at 09:21:12 (PST)

There's a pony in my pocket
And its frolicking in my pocket
And he tells me
Its cozy in there


A Butter Patty from: Monty
on Tuesday, January 19, 1999 at 14:00:30 (PST)

There's a python in my pants,
And its frolicking in my pants,
And he tells me
Its cozy in Luna's pocket, too

(But don't pet him too much, he'll spit at you!)

Monty


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, January 19, 1999 at 18:34:56 (PST)

Damn....my tongue went numb. Is this a sign?? It makes me wonder where Mayte is. :I


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, January 22, 1999 at 04:57:11 (PST)

:)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, January 22, 1999 at 14:33:32 (PST)

The cat has been staring at me for the last hour.... I think he wants to eat but I am seeing how long it takes for him to attack. Then it's survial of the fittest.


A Butter Patty from: MaggieB
on Friday, January 22, 1999 at 18:10:20 (PST)

You guys are pretty funny butter. Glad I discovered ARF, it was quite by accident, which is how most things happen, even butter. How's chapter 3 coming along? And Rocky Top, yes. That was my dear departed husband's favorite song, and it brought a tear to my eye just to read those fine old words.

Au voir, maggie b


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 23, 1999 at 00:20:20 (PST)

Hi Kids,

ValueClick, our former sponsor, booted us because of the content on the GFY site, which I was expecting. Our new sponsor, Aaddzz, has this to say about our application for a "PG" rating:

Subject: Aaddzz site re-rated
Date: Fri, 22 Jan 1999 09:07:09 -0800 (PST)
From: support@aaddzz.com
To: nwlaser@pacifier.com

Re: Your Aaddzz site "www.amishrakefight.org"

Dear (Doc's real name here),

A page in your site was reviewed by our staff and determined
not to be consistent with the rating listed for the site:

Site: www.amishrakefight.org
Site Rating: AC-PG
Page: http://www.amishrakefight.org/gfy/
Page Rating: AC-R

Because of this, the rating for this site has been changed:

Site: www.amishrakefight.org
Old Site Rating: AC-PG
New Site Rating: AC-R

If you wish to change your site rating back to the old rating,
you should first remove or edit the inconsistent page.

- Yet the GFY site contains nothing more than "profanity" as outlined in their own guidelines as to what constitutes a "PG" or "R" site.

The morality police are still very much alive, letting their own dirty minds do the talking, and breaking their own rules. Fortunately, this rating has no real bearing on our site, as I do not intend to advertise it through our new sponsor.

Doc


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 23, 1999 at 09:59:00 (PST)

And so I replied:

Seems to me that your company should spend a lot more time attracting actual advertisers, and a lot less on policing the sites -- I have no intention of ever advertising my site through Aaddzz, I simply don't need the traffic. So your silly, arbitrary, prudish "rating system" is moot to me. I find it amazing that a company like yours actually has its own set of morality police when you seem to be desperate for actual adverstisers. You actually paid some idiot to surf my sites to check for
dirty words when you can't even attract advertisers? You need to get your priorities straight. Since I will never advertise "The Go Fuck Yourself Home Page" (Oops, have I offended your delicate sensibilities again?), that was a complete waste of time. Furthermore, you can find the word "fuck" in several of my sites if you dig deep enough. So not only did you waste your time, you also did a half-assed job of playing Morality Police.

I was making nearly $5.00 a day with ValueClick. I seem to be making about 12 cents a day through Aaddzz. Do you think there are enough ignorant webmasters out there who don't know about ValueClick to keep you in business? I think not. Better get yourselves together and re-think your strategies, or you won't be around long.

Someone needs to get out there and compete with ValueClick. You aren't even trying.



A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 23, 1999 at 13:09:18 (PST)

Wow... it's been a while sence i've seen a nice rant from the ol docster!

^5 doc!!

ohhh the good ol days...

BillyZ


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 23, 1999 at 16:16:37 (PST)

Woohoo, got my provider back:) Thats all, back to your irregular scheduled programs

Fitziee


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 23, 1999 at 16:41:43 (PST)

I refuse to surf any site that DOESN'T have the word "fuck" in it. I demand more value for my CLICK!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 23, 1999 at 18:26:58 (PST)

A story for our times.............

Once upon a time there was a fucking cute girl who could give blow jobs like no bodies fucking bizness ( or jizness as the case might be) and she gave pleasure to the one she loved most.... "Oh baby" he said "you give the best fucking blow jobs this side of the Mississippi". She promtly stoped the said action and asked, "who gave better blow jobs on the other side of the river?" Now the one she loved blushed as this was just a figure of speach but not to feel like he had been in a closet for all these long years he made up a name...."ahhhhh Goldie Locks" said the beloved. "Goldie Locks said the giver I will see to her little blonde ass".

So off she went to the other side of the fucking muddey river looking for a blonde chick who could spell blow job let alone give one. She looked high and low finding fucking blonde girls who chewed dick, fucking blondes girls who knew what a dick was but none who actually would go down on a man suck him inside out and swallow like it was the finest wine in the land.

So the giver returned to her beloved and "asked again about this fucking Goldie Locks. Who was this fucking blonde and what did she think she was doing sucking her mans dick?" The beloved had to confess that the giver gave the best fucking blow jobs he had ever had and he was sorry to have told a small lie but Mama bear had told him this tale and he was intrigued.

Ahhh said the giver, a lesbian rug munch I should of known, they can lick but they can't suck as they don't have the full apperciation for that vintage.

Moral of the story....just becuase you can fucking lick does not mean you can fucking suck.

The End


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 23, 1999 at 18:31:02 (PST)

Damn you think If I could write a fucking fairy tale I could post it right.. fucking A!!!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 23, 1999 at 18:32:07 (PST)

what a fucking moron!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 23, 1999 at 19:14:09 (PST)



A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, January 24, 1999 at 13:46:14 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Paranoia will distroy ya...

Dear @HOME user,

Due to the severe amount of unsecured proxy servers present on your provider's network, we have had no choice but to ban all clients connecting to us from *.home.com until such a time as they choose to actively take responsibility for the grave security risk imposed by these misconfigured customer machines. If you would like to rejoin DALnet as soon as possible, we encourage you to contact your provider directly and request that they contact us at k-line@dal.net with a solution to this problem. We are unwilling to allow the abusers of this security hole to cause
problems for the rest of our users. We apologize to the many legitimate users this affects, but we have no choice in the matter.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, January 24, 1999 at 13:47:31 (PST)

dEstroy, rather


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, January 24, 1999 at 15:41:04 (PST)

Since EJ's fucking story made no fucking sense, I ran it through AltaVista's translator, turning it into French, then back to English, then went to the dialectizer at www.rinkworks.com/dialect, turning it into Ewmo Fudd. Now the fucking thing finally makes sense;

**time-out** a histowy duwing ouw time It be a time it thewe have a giww nice fucking which can give the wowk of bwow wike aucuns body kiss the biz (ow the jizness whiwe the case can be) and it give the pweasuwe wif that that it have wike the the majowity... " baby of OH " it you have say " ewasticity the good wowk of bwow of fucking this side of Mississippi ". It have pwomptwy stop the afowementioned action and have ask, " which have give the good wowk of bwow of othew side of wivew? " Maintaining that which she wiked weddened because it was wight a figuwe of the wowd but not to feew it as it had been in a cabinet duwing aww these wong yeaws composed... un, uh-hah-hah-hah. "ahhhhh named the pious wocks " indicated wiked " the pious wocks indicated the givew whom I wiww see wif his smaww faiw ass ". Dus in addition to it went to the othew side of the muddy wivew fucking seeking a faiw chick which couwd even wess speww ewasticity one of the wowk of bwow. It seemed the high ones and wow foutues faiw giwws of concwusion which chewed the dick, the giwws fucking bwondes who knew what was a dick but no which weawwy wouwd go downwawds on a man sucks him inside outside and swawwow as it was the finest wine in the gwound. Dus the givew tuwned ovew to its woved and " stiww asked on the this pious wocks fow fucking. Who was this faiw fucking and what it thought it made sucking it team the dick? " wiked had to admit that the givew gave best wowk of bwow of fucking than it had evew had and it was sowwy to have said a smaww wie but the beaw of Mama had indicated to him that these tawe and was intwigued to him. AHD indicated the givew, a covew wesbian me cown sawad wouwd have of known, they can wick but they cannot suck because they do not have the fuww appweciation fow this vintage. De mowaws of wa.just of histowy... because you can kissing to wick does not mean that you can kissing to suck.



A Butter Patty from: HECTOR
on Sunday, January 24, 1999 at 19:02:09 (PST)

Doc
Not only do you have the looks, you got the brains two!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, January 25, 1999 at 07:25:34 (PST)

you mean doc's the man with two brains?


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, January 25, 1999 at 07:50:33 (PST)

I heard it was two heads.

I'm writing a modern-day children's book called "How to be an asshole, like Dad" and in Chapter 6; "She shouldn't have made me mad," is the quote: "When the little head gets hard, the big one gets soft. Or my name isn't Clinton."

Those who are interested in the progress of my lawsuit against myself for sexual harrasment; there has been much dispute over where I touched myself and with what. Though I have admitted grabbing my own buttocks, and fondling myself vigorously while reading the Starr Report, I still say I lied under oath about getting anything on the curtains, and certain other details (I don't even LIKE cigars!).

I plan on calling witnesses, especially in regard to Henry Hyde, who ran an S&L that bilked old people out of billions of dollars, and was fined $17,000,000. (True, look it up.) After I question him I plan on asking him to contribute a chapter to my book as one of the biggest assholes *I've* ever heard of.

Thank you for your attention, we now return you to our regularly scheduled program;
"Amish Hospital"


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, January 25, 1999 at 08:06:09 (PST)

Amish Hospital.....
Can I play nurse?


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, January 25, 1999 at 15:40:53 (PST)

I just wanted to say hello. I stop by ALL THE TIME. I sit there for ever, and noone comes into the channel. This east coast time zone thing truly sucks. I miss you all and hope I will run into you eventually.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, January 25, 1999 at 16:01:50 (PST)

Congratulations frac and Oggie :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, January 25, 1999 at 22:23:35 (PST)

If Sli plays nurse I get to play candy striper. That is NOT stripper!


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, January 26, 1999 at 17:28:47 (PST)

I think this East coast time really rules..


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 27, 1999 at 08:55:16 (PST)

Remember, if you're trying to calculate the time difference between the East Coast and the West Coast, it's about five years.



A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 27, 1999 at 12:11:34 (PST)

and you have to add ten and divide by the number of cousins that have married each other in your family to figure out the time difference to the South.


A Butter Patty from: Mayte
on Wednesday, January 27, 1999 at 15:52:45 (PST)

Damn I 4get how depressing u people r!!
So howz the tongue nitey???
And 2 all u shackers out there--just remember --u r going 2 hell.
Love Mayte


A Butter Patty from: Mayte
on Wednesday, January 27, 1999 at 15:56:06 (PST)

Wait --I am in hell----that means u can come be with me whoopeeee!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 27, 1999 at 16:00:02 (PST)

Dammit!!!! If Sli gets to be a nurse I want to be Dr. Tongue the young and handsome amateur gynecologist with a Victoria's Secret Catalog fetish!!!! :I


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 27, 1999 at 16:03:17 (PST)

neone know of free porn sites??


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 27, 1999 at 16:27:55 (PST)

Yes.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 27, 1999 at 17:28:01 (PST)

Why thank you loooooooooona. Both our mothers will be happier when we are not "shackers"
Mayte, Oggie says if we are going to hell he wants a seat next to the lesbians. I couldn't agree with him more.


A Butter Patty from: RpmQ
on Wednesday, January 27, 1999 at 18:11:01 (PST)

I still got my old addy btw..
whats with the dal?
I cant connect without like thrityfourteen retries and whence I finally gets in there, theres noone in the room.. Of course, Im sure I'm just lagged or something so bad that Im actually viewing 5am this morning...

oh well look for me...

-r


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 27, 1999 at 18:12:06 (PST)

Did they say free Porn? I thought they said CORN!

No, I don't know where to get any porn.

"Corn, not porn" is our motto. You can probably find what you're looking for in town at Abner Stoltzfus' "Corn Hole" bookstore. Good luck.

Tell 'em Doc sent ya.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, January 27, 1999 at 20:31:52 (PST)

Time, who has got time any way. I knew this big white fuzzy guy once, he was always late, no matter he loved his cousins and thought they had the best porn. I mean corn. The family that eats corn together........


A Butter Patty from: CITIZEN CANE
on Friday, January 29, 1999 at 11:45:03 (PST)

The Republicans are sure an interesting Lott, aren't they? I keep tuning in to CSPAN expecting to see them biting each other on the asses and ears, and fighting for a place atop the pile of steaming corpses. That's the way my dog Red would handle it.

Whose giving who a blowjob here, I ask ya. We already KNOW it was a world-class hummer, based on the Bill-batter he splooched on "the blue dress". What we want to know, Miss Lewinski, is;

1. AT ANY TIME WHILE YOU WERE WRAPPING YOUR TONSILS AROUND THE "HEAD OF STATE", DID THE PRESIDENT SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A "JOB"?

2. WHY DID YOU NOT ALLOW THE PROSECUTORS OFFICE TO REMOVE YOUR TONSILS AND HAVE THEM TESTED FOR DNA EVIDENCE?

3. PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR TRAINING TECHNIQUES AND WHAT RADICAL LEFT-WINGERS YOU LEARNED THEM FROM, UNLESS IT WAS FROM BARNEY FRANK, WE DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT HIM.

4. DID YOU SWALLOW VERNON JORDAN'S MULE-LIKE LARYNX-BUSTER, TOO? WHILE YOU WERE FORCING THAT THICK BLACK ANACONDA DOWN YOUR GULLET, OR WHILE YOU GOT READY FOR HIM TO BLOW GREAT ROPEY WADS OF OYSTER-PASTE ALL OVER YOUR TASTEFUL DONNA KARAN ENSEMBLE, DID HE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT A "JOB"?


A Butter Patty from: Spin Doctors
on Saturday, January 30, 1999 at 00:52:34 (PST)

But did we ask any one a question about the issue at hand·perjury·that all American way of lying ones ass off until we get caught·well the lying asshole who was supposed to uphold the laws of the land not only got caught with his pants down he got caught in a big old lie to avoid prosecution·hey if Clinton gets off does this mean every American gets a get out of jail card free or does that only apply to democrats with money and a way of groping and exposing them selves to women who really donât want to see the little problem he has. We wonât mention all the people who started out in the White House with the pervert lying bastard who are dead in jail or indited·. I think the man has a problem and itâs not a matter of keeping his pants up, itâs a matter of lying, stealing and plain old murder. I really donât care about the fact a willing girl gave him a hoover and played hide the cigar. I care that he perjured him self, and seems to have a major problem forcing his dick and other body parts on women who are not interested. Oh and once again we wonât mention payback in the form of political favors and all those people who have seen the inside of a cell since starting out with Clinton in other places.

Ahhh spin Doctors they can make you forget the issues and it's not about hoovers it's about perjury. That is lying to avoid prosecution.


A Butter Patty from: Master-baiter
on Saturday, January 30, 1999 at 09:18:44 (PST)

See, you just throw it out and reel 'em in. If Monica would have swallowed as easily as you, we wouldn't be in this mess.

Zipperhead


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 30, 1999 at 10:32:00 (PST)

Can a person live on bread alone?


A Butter Patty from: boxelder
on Saturday, January 30, 1999 at 10:35:44 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Scott-
Many thanks for the scoop on gate.dal.net .. works great :)
(Tried to reply to you, but it came bouncin back.)
Got a number I can reach ya at when I'm in the neighbourhood?
:)


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 30, 1999 at 10:36:35 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Scott-
Many thanks for the scoop on gate.dal.net .. works great :)
(Tried to reply to you, but it came bouncin back.)
Got a number I can reach ya at when I'm in the neighbourhood?
:)

(Sawry for the repost...gots to have de pic)


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 30, 1999 at 13:31:01 (PST)

I certainly agree that Bill (Clinton, not Ezra) perjured hisself, and it's an impeachable offense, but let's face it, so did Reagan, and he MORE than got away with it. ("I can't recall" might have been Bill's best bet.)

"itâs a matter of lying, stealing and plain old murder"?
Are we actually trotting out the Vince Foster thing again? Because anyone who really believes that crap probably believes in black helicopters, Area 51, and Pontifex's sanity.

"seems to have a major problem forcing his dick and other body parts on women who are not interested"? Um, let's not get hick-boy mixed up with serial-ugly-woman-fetishist Bob Packwood. I have a hard time believing that anyone would "force" themself on an ugly cunt like Paula Jones pre nose-job. Gennifer Flowers, maybe, Paula, uh-uh. And her own family agrees.

"the little problem he has"? I have yet to hear even Paula describe it as "little". And if you're referring to sex outside marriage (and I really hope you are NOT), check your own history first.

Glad the damn month is almost over,
Doc


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, January 30, 1999 at 15:11:36 (PST)

So what you are saying is, Pontifex wasnt sane?


A Butter Patty from: Dr. Dre
on Saturday, January 30, 1999 at 17:26:39 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

You got a problem? I got a problem solver and his name's Revolver.


A Butter Patty from: Citizen Cane
on Saturday, January 30, 1999 at 19:45:21 (PST)

At least something in your pants still shoots.


A Butter Patty from: Tyrebyter
on Sunday, January 31, 1999 at 18:54:23 (PST)

Bill-batter?? I thought it was presi-due...


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, January 31, 1999 at 21:46:37 (PST)


>> > > These are bumper stickers reportedly seen around the DC area:
>> >
>> > > *HONK! If you had sex with the president
>> > > *Adultery is not a family value
>> > > *Does character matter yet?
>> > > *One more whore and we get Gore
>> > > *Bill Clinton: Commander in heat
>> > > *My President fooled around with Your Honor Student
>> > > *Jail to the Chief!
>> > > *Today kids no longer play doctor, they play President
>> > > *If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter
>> > > *Three terms for Clinton: the third in jail
>> > > *Clinton: Our Nation's Fondling Father
>> > > *Save the President: Legalize Perjury
>> >


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