February '99
As the worldChurns
The official BBS of Amish Rake Fight on the DALnet


Churn out a Post?


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 01, 1999 at 05:18:06 (PST)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

February! The month of love!!!!

Post Your Favorite Valentine :)

My favorite:

Goofey valentine where he is holding a pencil sayin, "Get the point, be my valentine"


A Butter Patty from: HayellFahr
on Monday, February 01, 1999 at 09:54:08 (PST)

That was from Pale. And it wasn't a pencil.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 01, 1999 at 11:34:33 (PST)

My favorite is in the form of poetry;

There once were two ladies of Birmingham,
And this is a story concerning 'em:
They lifted the frock
And tickled the cock
Of the bishop, while he was confirming 'em.

Now that bishop was nobody's fool:
He'd been to divinity school,
So he hauled down his britches
And screwed those two bitches
With his holy episcopal tool.

Now one of those gals was named Sue,
And she said, when the bishop was through;
"The vicar was quicker
And slicker and thicker
And four inches longer than you."
---------------------------------------

Call me an old romantic, but sometimes that poem can make me cry.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 01, 1999 at 14:30:00 (PST)

HayellFahr? Who the hell is that? Do I have to start PGP signing my damn posts? And
besides, that valentine wasn't from me... I always send the one that has a train on
it, with the greeting "I choo-choo-choose you!"
---PaleFire


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 01, 1999 at 14:37:37 (PST)




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There's my dang PGP public key. If you want the email addy that goes with it, ask me
in the barn. Sorry to waste all that posting space, but I think those dang dumpster
bums have finally gotten net access.
---PaleFire



A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 01, 1999 at 15:03:52 (PST)

I had this incredible beautiful letter once that came with some broken roses and candy I did not like. That letter was the best Valentine I had ever gotten when I read it it took my breath away and I was lost forever.... but on the other hand I love the naked cherubs with the rosey cheeks. Lower of course.

Shoot me baby and call it love. Go figure.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, February 03, 1999 at 15:13:31 (PST)

Should I know and/or understand what a Pale is talking about? I feel technically challenged or somthin.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 04, 1999 at 09:41:42 (PST)

Hi gang,

As you may have noticed, the ARF server went over-limit last night and nobody could access it for a couple of hours. This was because the Churn is listed among this week's "Wack Ass Links" at shugashack.com. The good news (?) is that the Churn received over 1000 visits Wednesday, easily a new record. Damned if I know what they were looking at. Probably Ed's poem.

Generally, when the server gets overloaded, you can access it shortly after the top of the hour. Sometime this month, we will be switching to a new web host with unlimited bandwidth, which should take care of the problem for good.

Thanks for your patience,
Doc


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 04, 1999 at 10:34:38 (PST)

Does anyone else that was in the barn last nite see the irony in the fact that a "Whack Ass" site was the culprit????
Sheesh....


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 05, 1999 at 16:08:43 (PST)

~Love soft as an easychair
Love, fresh as the morning air
One, love that is shared by two
I have found in you


NAME THAT TUNE


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 05, 1999 at 16:32:35 (PST)

The women who sung that song died from not eating any chocolate. A moment of silence for Karen. Ok enough already!
You know when you talk about valentines you got to talk about chocolate. Love and chocolate. Is it because both can make you crazy?

Luna.....love can make ya crazy......did you hear the chocolate box talking?


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 05, 1999 at 16:51:32 (PST)

*PINWHEEL EYES*

"CHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOCCOOOOOOOOOOLLLLATTTTTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!"


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 05, 1999 at 20:43:21 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

very cool page!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, February 06, 1999 at 09:43:07 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Aren't those lyrics from "Suck My Love Pump, Baby" by Spinal Tap?


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, February 07, 1999 at 16:55:43 (PST)

Whackass? Sounds kinda kinky to me in this "month of love" segment.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 08, 1999 at 16:26:02 (PST)

: )


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 08, 1999 at 17:45:52 (PST)

:P


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 08, 1999 at 18:58:01 (PST)

People r whacking asses and no one told me?
damnit damnit damnit


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 08, 1999 at 18:58:50 (PST)

And y wont my jpg show?
damnit damnit damnit
madlove---Mayte


A Butter Patty from: Dave-Yes, that one...
on Monday, February 08, 1999 at 22:13:59 (PST)

My favorite valentine is also in the form of a poem:
Ahem.

"The Valentine's Day Poem"
Stick it in, stuff it up and rub...oops wrong one...

Ummm...here we go.

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways...
I love thee as the sweaty buttocks thrust...no no, that's not the one either.

Ya know what I can't remember my favorite one, they're all so good. Happy Valentine's Day to all the happy people in love and the rest of us...well let's not rain on everyone else's parade this year ok?

F*ckin sappy miscreants.

Sincerely,
Dave, mudbath, mrcloud, crablegs, dniel213, satan, the hardest working man in show business


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 08, 1999 at 22:30:56 (PST)

lower case only mayte!


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 08, 1999 at 22:53:49 (PST)

True stuff:

After spending two hours pleading with a deranged gunman to give himself up and come out of his house, police in Oakland, California, were able to call the siege off when they discovered that the gunman was standing beside them, shouting entreaties to himself.
Similarly, in East Hampton, Conneticut, a group of volunteers dragging a lake were able to cease their efforts when a man helping them realized the presumed drowning victim they were looking for was himself.


A Butter Patty from: whack ass visitor
on Tuesday, February 09, 1999 at 02:54:12 (PST)

hmm.....whack ass posts if you ask me


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, February 09, 1999 at 07:00:19 (PST)

Is a pack of gum considered a proper valentines gift?


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, February 09, 1999 at 11:19:55 (PST)

Only if delivered by holding the pack in your clevage.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, February 09, 1999 at 11:21:08 (PST)

WOW!! I'm right side up again!!! Bless my shoe strings! I had quite the head rush for a while there.


A Butter Patty from: DrLove
on Tuesday, February 09, 1999 at 12:48:12 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

A Valentines Poem....for all you old softies

Hearts and roses and kisses galore...
What the hell is all that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer
It is definitely the most annoying day of the year

This day needs to get the hell over with and pass
Before I shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass
I'll spend the day so drunk I can't speak
And wear all black for the rest of the week

Guys act all sweet, but soon it will fade
For all they are doing is trying to get laid
The arrow Cupid shot at me must not have hit
Because I think love is a crock of shit

So, here's my story...
What else can I say?
Love bites ass...Fuck Valentine's Day!!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, February 09, 1999 at 16:55:31 (PST)

ohhh chocolate and bitting ass....

luna.. only Black Jack gum works for Valentines..clevage or not.

I am yelling at my self to give up and forget the whole love thing but it's not working. Can you send some cops over to help? If they bite ass and have chocolate I might give up.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, February 09, 1999 at 16:58:22 (PST)

ohhh chocolate and bitting ass....

luna.. only Black Jack gum works for Valentines..clevage or not.

I am yelling at my self to give up and forget the whole love thing but it's not working. Can you send some cops over to help? If they bite ass and have chocolate I might give up.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, February 10, 1999 at 18:48:20 (PST)

What if you don't have cleavage?


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, February 10, 1999 at 19:41:01 (PST)

no clevage...wonder bra...if that doesn't even help, well tape the gum to your panties oh and make him chew it off.

Love tip #45 make panties of Black Jack gum and then tell your lover on your knees and make me happy and no blowing bubbles


A Butter Patty from: dave(mudbath)
on Wednesday, February 10, 1999 at 22:33:27 (PST)

Love tip #212: If you're really looking to make an impression on that special someone this Valentine's Day, always remember...nothing says loving like a heart shaped candy box full of raw meat and maggots.

Just a thought.

Yours truly, The Masked Marauder


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 11, 1999 at 03:49:36 (PST)

luna looks for some tape


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 11, 1999 at 11:15:59 (PST)

Remember ladies; Nothing says "love" like a bucket of KFC and a remote.

You don't have to understand.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 11, 1999 at 13:50:55 (PST)

Love tip # 101 Remember to always clean up those big buckets of greasy KFC after the remote has slipped from your sweeties hands. All that grease is one hell of a fire hazard.

Love Tip# 102 As your sweetie snores away remote on the ground full of greasy KFC buckets a match (or cigeratte) tossed in the right direction looks like an accident. The approte remorse should be shown as you arrive home to the inferno. Maybe some hunky fire man can help you with the Black Jack panties.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 11, 1999 at 16:31:48 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

I am NOT GAY!


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 11, 1999 at 16:59:01 (PST)

Y'know there's something about that gay teletubbie that really gives me the screamin willies :I Somehow I think its related to that primordial fear of H.R. Puffinstuff, whom I'm SURE was a pedophile!


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 11, 1999 at 20:06:32 (PST)

London Times, (Feb. 11, 1999)

The midget who portrays the character Tinky-winky just called Jerry Falwell "A bigger dipshit than that idiot Quayle. At least Murphy Brown had genitals. If you're going to bash fictional characters, make sure they have something to be perverted WITH. Besides, we're British. Everybody knows, the symbol for gays in Britain is not a triangle, its Elton John."

(isn't a pedophile someone who likes bicycles?)


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 11, 1999 at 21:15:35 (PST)

Fitzie...damn it bring my tu-tu back
While I have your attention...has anyone stopped to ask why a 60 something year old man is watching a program produced for preschool children? Perhaps Mr Falwell has some issues he and Mr Rodgers should discuss.

Big Hug,
Tink


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 11, 1999 at 21:34:38 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Well all I'M saying is that H.R. had a WAY too unnatural attraction to Jimmy and that friggen flute. Whats more the flute obviously had issues of its own as it was constantly bitching and whining about something. Jimmy obviously had a need for love that wasn't present in his paternal home, hence his seeming co-dependence. The crux of this whole thing is simply this...HR PUFFINSTUFF WAS A FLAMING PERVERT!!

P.S.

I don't know whether he had genitals or not and it scares the crap outta me just thinking about it!! :I Thank you drive thru.

P.P.S. Please see above link. AdmAckbar wanted me to give it to everyone as he things it rocks!!! >:)



A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 11, 1999 at 21:37:49 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Lets try Adms link again >:)


A Butter Patty from: Witchie Poo
on Friday, February 12, 1999 at 03:52:19 (PST)

NOOOOOOO!
NOT HR PUFFINSTUFF!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 12, 1999 at 04:10:18 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

a link to share with your loved ones


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 12, 1999 at 15:04:24 (PST)

I don't know about any one else but if you remember that much about HRPuff N Stuff maybe therapy is in order. I can vaguely remember being tied to an alter and offerd up to a dark lord but even those details are fuzzy. Jacks hair cut was not all that bad but I wanted to rip witchepoos nose off.... I think I am having a memory flash back.... Oh my god I hope I do not go on a Puff N Stuff rampage and break up recorder lessons in the park. Last time it was ugly. Sid and Marty I will get you!!!!!!


A Butter Patty from: dave
on Saturday, February 13, 1999 at 01:13:37 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

wow H.R. Puffnstuff got me thinking...it was actually a bit before my time believe it or not but I began recalling my younger days of utter confusion at the mixed messages that SESAME STREET sent...I had actually related quite a story pertaining to the bizarre quality of both Bert and Ernie's relationship and that of Big Bird and Snuffalumpagus when I realized that no one else was going to get what I was talking about and deleted it all-i forget what generation I belong to sometimes.

But about the teletubbies...I knew it all along...the pastels, the matching outfits...it's all too obvious...And the baby voice constantly saying "Again!" is just kinda too sick to even joke about...is this what we want our children to grow up remembering?-well, your children anyways...

dave


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, February 13, 1999 at 06:31:14 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

How can any of us resist the Billy doll, when he now has such a strikingly handsome lover? Thank you Adm for leading us to a link where we could witness such bliss.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, February 13, 1999 at 14:12:36 (PST)

Thank god for AdmAckbar :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, February 14, 1999 at 09:56:25 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

I've seen a few articles defending my lifestyle this week, but this one is easily the best.
Tinky


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, February 14, 1999 at 11:19:24 (PST)

Dave:

You are suppose to get me flowers on Valentines Day NOT flour!

*SIGH*


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, February 14, 1999 at 13:02:20 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Dear Adm,

Thank you so much for the beautiful balloon. I love you too!

Carlos
XXXX


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, February 14, 1999 at 22:00:25 (PST)

Is it just me or does Wall Street Billy really need a tailor? He is letting down gay men every where with that cheep ill fitting suit.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, February 16, 1999 at 16:02:08 (PST)

Have you ever seen a purple cow?


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, February 16, 1999 at 19:09:22 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

height="301" alt="yeah.jpg (39447 bytes)">



enuf said



 




A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, February 16, 1999 at 19:10:44 (PST)

I shall never master the complex post. Just one of my many limitations.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, February 16, 1999 at 22:49:26 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

ummmm.....Bob Dole thinks the above link might help Ez,
/sound linehere.wav

Smooches
SLi-ness
(and to answer your question...yes SLi in swahili does mean bitch)


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, February 17, 1999 at 10:53:05 (PST)

you ever notice puff a lumps have no arms...just legs.




A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 18, 1999 at 19:49:02 (PST)

*SIGH*


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 19, 1999 at 09:08:13 (PST)

is it just me... or is that chicago theater sign a bit... ohh... phalic?


it's probably just me.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 19, 1999 at 12:27:02 (PST)

You are corrrrrrrect, it is errrrrrrrect.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 19, 1999 at 16:12:40 (PST)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BILL!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, February 20, 1999 at 11:17:58 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

/me does his best Marilyn Monroe imitation

~~Happy Birthday to yooou Happy Birthday to yooooou Happy Birthday dear Bill, Happy Birthday to yooooou.~~~~~~~~~

Love You Big Boy,
Carlos
XXXX
Oh and P.S. I still havent gotten the smell of that mexican beer out of my carpet in the den, next time be more careful baby.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, February 21, 1999 at 14:13:41 (PST)

The cats are staring at me like I am going to feed them in an hour..... I feel so....violated


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, February 21, 1999 at 14:26:37 (PST)

INTERCOURSE DAILY

Intercourse, PA
Daily News, Feb. 16, 1999

AMISH ALIEN ABDUCTIONS

Local officials are baffled by recent reports of Amish youths claiming to have been abducted by aliens. Says one 17-year-old; "I was just walking along the road, and I saw a buggy with bright lights on it, and it didn't have any horses in front of it! It moved like lightning, and it was coming at me so fast I had to jump into the bushes and hold my hat over my face, hoping it wouldn't see me. It roared like a thousand bulls, and when it came by me, it stopped. I lowered my hat and I saw that it had already captured another person. She had long blonde hair and was wearing something that looked like one of Papa's old undershirts. I think they must have taken most of her clothes off already, because I could see her legs, and she must have lost her bonnet." At that point, the young amish lad became more agitated as he continued;

"She yelled to me 'You from around here, sugar?' and so I thought maybe she was trapped in that alien vehicle, so I stood up and told her I was. She said 'I'm from Jersey, you need a ride somewezz?' The door on my side of the vehicle opened, and I got in. It made that roaring sound again and we took off so fast my hat blew off, and I think she must have thought my leg would come off or something, because she put her hand on my knee to hold it down. Then she moved her hand up my leg. I guess she was just making sure I wasn't going to fly out, but all of a sudden my 'churn-handle' popped up, and she grabbed it. Good thing, too, because if she hadn't I was going to."

"Next thing I knew, the vehicle stopped outside old man Stoltzfus' barn, where we were able to escape from that horrible alien contraption to the hayloft. She showed me things she must have learned from the aliens, like how to talk to her butt (I really liked that part, it reminded me of licking the bowl after Mama makes shoo-fly pie), and then she showed me how to use my churn-handle to make cream."

Authorities are looking for the woman for questioning.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 22, 1999 at 15:18:04 (PST)

If talk is cheap, how come it cost $4.99 a minute?


A Butter Patty from: {{ZerO}}
on Monday, February 22, 1999 at 21:14:44 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

This channel looks and sounds pretty sweeet i would hang in it but i'm on efnet :(
move to efnet dalnet is shite.
cya
zero


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, February 22, 1999 at 22:34:04 (PST)

efnet can suck my...uh...little piggy toe. hmmm....


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, February 23, 1999 at 10:57:00 (PST)

Thanks, Zero, we'll let you know when we're so desperate for newbies that we'd let you within a mile of the barn.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, February 24, 1999 at 15:13:02 (PST)

I did Tinky.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, February 24, 1999 at 18:52:36 (PST)

I am addicted!


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, February 24, 1999 at 19:51:09 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Luna has been away from her computer one day on a brief trip to Washington DC and has apparantly found an internet connection somewhere in the city. Ya gadda love THAT level of committiment! (Well, maybe "love" isn't the right word.)

heh
;0)


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, February 24, 1999 at 19:56:04 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

The 10 symptoms of Internet Addiction-

1) Using the online services everyday without any skipping.

2) Losing track of time after making a connection.

3) Goes out less and less.

4) Spending less and less time on meals at home or at work, and eats in front of the monitor.

5) Denying spending too much time on the Net.

6) Others complaining of your too much time in front of the monitor.

7) Checking on your mailbox too many times a day.

8) You think you have got the greatest web site in the world and dying to give people your URL.

9) Logging onto the Net while already busy at work.

10) Sneaking online when spouse or family members not at home, with a sense of relief.



...ummm... hey I RESENT #8!!! My site IS the greatest in the world!!!!!!!!!



A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, February 24, 1999 at 21:43:35 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Best site I've seen all year....two teats up!


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 25, 1999 at 00:56:45 (PST)

Since he's been MIA for awhile...

The Perfect Summary of My Friend johno

If you can't dazzle em with brilliance...
...... befuddle them with bullshit.

Just thought I'd share.




A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 25, 1999 at 00:59:25 (PST)

Oh, I almost forgot,
nice teats Miss Disco




A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, February 25, 1999 at 19:47:22 (PST)

Well Richard and I are taking Luna out tomorrow to feed her some wine, and food and maybe some more wine and may be something else after that...now lets see if we get lost and can even find her way down town... or if we can find the car after all that food and wine


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 26, 1999 at 05:32:34 (PST)

Don't let her NEAR 151, or it'll be a VERY short evening.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 26, 1999 at 13:38:34 (PST)

EJ...ya might want to put some bread in your purse just in case...ask luna to explain before you open the wine...


A Butter Patty from: HECTOR
on Friday, February 26, 1999 at 13:58:45 (PST)

Did I hear correctly, Jerry Falwell was dating Gene Siskel?


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 26, 1999 at 15:14:43 (PST)

hey all just here at school and thought i would say hi! Since i haven't been here for a long time.hope y'all have fun little kitties. I must go.bye!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, February 26, 1999 at 17:04:33 (PST)

404 Not Found
Url '/columnist/doc/doc@nwlaser.com' not found on server

sigh

Doc... Sprint didn't blow me, but they did get close enough to give me a bad case of the analog roam.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, February 28, 1999 at 06:11:17 (PST)

Here are my descriptions of Alice and Richard.

Alice: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Exotic!
Richard: "Fun Buns" GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!



A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, February 28, 1999 at 15:15:36 (PST)

Luna!!!!! ya made it home in one piece!!!! Richard was calculating were you where at any given time. Like in the back seat sleeping, in the front seat sleeping. Oh she might be almost home and awake now. We stayed up until 6:30 celebrating not getting lost on the way home and all that we had to drink. Yes!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, February 28, 1999 at 15:18:18 (PST)

Why didn't you all give me these luna tips BEFORE I went to dinner....geez... but I got LUNA BALLS!!!!!!!!!!


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