December '98
As the worldChurns
The official BBS of Amish Rake Fight on the DALnet


Churn out a Post?


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 01, 1998 at 05:33:08 (PST)

HELLO :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 01, 1998 at 06:18:09 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Hello? You have the profound honor of being first this month, able to move mountains and create profound topics for our discourse in this, the month of unbridled greed, and all you can say is "Hello"? Let me tell you, if Dennis Rodman needs a spokesperson up to the task of keeping up with his gigantic intellect, I'll be sure and tell him about you. (Provided I don't choke the shit out of him first.)

Zipperhead


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 01, 1998 at 06:32:43 (PST)

Hi luna :o)


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 01, 1998 at 06:56:56 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

The lack of fanfare was refreshing.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 01, 1998 at 06:59:01 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Connection refused

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Description: Unable to connect to the site "www.twinkiesproject.com".
The site is down, overloaded, or unreachable. Try connecting again later.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 01, 1998 at 14:48:25 (PST)

Looooona!


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 01, 1998 at 18:12:25 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuna!


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 01, 1998 at 20:33:55 (PST)

YellowSmiley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So i guess December's topic and or topics will all consist of at least typing LUNA in your churn:)

Fitzie:)


A Butter Patty from: S}{0CK
on Wednesday, December 02, 1998 at 18:54:25 (PST)




8)



A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, December 02, 1998 at 19:00:32 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Ok... ok... What the HELL?

*** Now talking in #dan_the_avenger
*** ChanServ changes topic to 'Check out the porn!!! http://www.S}{0CK.com

8)



A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 03, 1998 at 01:12:12 (PST)

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooona!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 04, 1998 at 02:50:12 (PST)

I Love December :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 04, 1998 at 14:13:19 (PST)

With apologies to the Kinks:

I met her in a barn where the Amish chat
She likes to bake fruit pies and stuff like that,
luna, lu lu lu lu luna
Now I'm not dumb, but I read things twice
In her recipie was the wrong kind of spice
oh no luna, l-u-n-a luna

(I am fully aware of the awfulnes of the above, but I can't stop myself sometimes.)
PaleFire


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 05, 1998 at 08:29:54 (PST)




A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 05, 1998 at 13:08:14 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

SCRIPT for pilot episode of new TV show entitled "I LOVE LUNA"

FADE UP

LUNA is relaxing at the computer in her kitchen, the "wall of shame" behind her.

LUNA: (looking up from keyboard) What's that smell? (She sniffs the air.) My pies! (She races to the oven, which is smoking.) Oh NOOOO! (She fumbles for her oven mitts, which go all the way up to her shoulders, and opens the oven.) I forgot to put the pumpkin in my pumpkin pies! (Insert laugh track)

(The front door opens, enter DAVE, her musician husband, guitar case in hand.)

DAVE: Loooooooona, I'm hooooome! Hey, what happened?

LUNA: (sobbing) Oh, Daveyyyyy! I forgot to put pumpkin in my pumpkin pies again and I started a fire and.. (LUNA bursts into tears) (Insert laugh track)

DAVE: Oh Luna, you so cwazy! (Insert laugh track, fade up "Theme from I Love Luna". LUNA and DAVE wave at camera. Roll credits. Fade to black.)

END


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 05, 1998 at 21:48:50 (PST)

Doc, you are a genius.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, December 06, 1998 at 00:14:45 (PST)

~~~Happy Birthday To You....happy Birthday to you.....happy Birthday dear S}{0CK-O Happy Birthday to You!!!!!!~~~~
Smooches


A Butter Patty from: S}{0CK
on Sunday, December 06, 1998 at 00:37:48 (PST)

Ok... ok... Someone Stop the churn.....

We forgot someone's Birthday, as of yesterday....

My deepest apologies to Miss Sugar for being a day late with her song and dance number. This one's for you.


~~Happy Birth Day to.... You......
~~Happy Birth Day to.... You......
~~Happy Birth Day you Day older than me Indain Chic.....
~~Happy Birth Day to.... You......




A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, December 06, 1998 at 05:54:23 (PST)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCOTT!!!! : )


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, December 06, 1998 at 10:46:24 (PST)

****************Happy Bithday Scotty and Sugar******************


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, December 06, 1998 at 12:53:13 (PST)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUGAR!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, December 06, 1998 at 23:07:17 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

I just had a weird brush with Christianity... See, I happen to be auctioning a piece
of memoribilian on eBay right now, and it happens to be a Gideon bible autographed by
Penn & Teller, who used it as a prop in a show I worked on... Anyway, it's up for
auction, and I just got an email from some guy who claims to be one of the Gideons,
and he wants me to remove the item from auction... I sent him a politely worded
"piss-off" letter, so I hope he doesn't try to get litigious on me...
Weird. Also, happy birthday to those who are celebrating. Also, Loooooonnnnna.
Pal


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 08, 1998 at 19:58:51 (PST)

Woohoo 16 SHOPLIFTING days left till Christmas:) And Happy Belated Birthday to S & S and LUNA!!!!!!!!!! Now back to that Porn page i was drooling at:)


Fitzie


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, December 09, 1998 at 03:14:21 (PST)

I have one for all you creative types.

Twelve days of Christmas.

Example:
~On the first day of christmas my luna gave to me....


A Butter Patty from: Your momma
on Wednesday, December 09, 1998 at 09:39:24 (PST)

I think all you people are dorks you have no life so you go through the amish web site and leave these obseen messages. I guess all I really have to say is get a life and leave the amish alone. Besides that I thought that the amish lived on farms, road horses, and had no lights! what are they doing with a web site?


A Butter Patty from: RpmQ
on Wednesday, December 09, 1998 at 12:13:25 (PST)

Suprisingly Wile E. Coyote (above) can't figure us out...

Hey gang I need email addresses cuz my computer crapped...
thanky..

btw doc this is mny works ip.. so dont freak thinkin im an imPOSTER...

and to prove it...


İİ


A Butter Patty from: RpmQ
on Wednesday, December 09, 1998 at 12:14:30 (PST)

...I must be outta practice...

(İ)(İ)


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, December 09, 1998 at 12:24:02 (PST)

On the first day of Christmas, my Luna gave to me
A nude photo of the BeeGees


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, December 09, 1998 at 14:30:41 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Bwaaahahahahahahaha! The above URL is quite humorous, in a juvenile, "fuck you" sort
of way


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, December 09, 1998 at 15:35:41 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

I called my mom and asked her if she posted that message up there and she said she didn't know anything about it. I think it must be an imposter or somebody like that. Man, I was ALMOST fooled!


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, December 09, 1998 at 15:49:22 (PST)

I thought I was going to be clever this year and do my christmas shopping online. I have yet to find any sites that offer fun gifts. All I seem to find is books, music, and wine. You guys know of any sites where I can find something for everyone?


A Butter Patty from: HECTOR
on Wednesday, December 09, 1998 at 16:18:47 (PST)

Hey ZIpperhead.....How big an O'boy are you anyway????


A Butter Patty from: HECTOR
on Wednesday, December 09, 1998 at 16:19:00 (PST)

Hey ZIpperhead.....How big an O'boy are you anyway????


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 10, 1998 at 10:17:34 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Big enough to be mistaken for a giant sundial at a nudist camp. Anybody got a road horse? I think Hector has deja vu all over again, and maybe I need to answer twice. I think Hector has deja vu all over again, and maybe I need to answer twice.

(What the hell is an oboy anywho? Is it obseen?)


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 10, 1998 at 14:09:27 (PST)

On the second day of Christmas, my luna gave to me 2 bikini waxes, and a nude picture of the Beegees.

BTW, that was my mom that left that message. I apologize for that.

Hempy


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 10, 1998 at 14:33:26 (PST)

An Ode to a Sink...

Porcelain and copper, fittings so tight,
After I wash you, you sparkle quite white.
Mere mortals all tremble whilst your presence is known,
though beneath your wide basin, I make my home.
I'm often beneath you like my mom on the streets.
Sent there by nice people who look very neat.
Magazines and KY and stuff in the corner.
I like to sit there and act like Jack Horner.
My thumb never manages to come up with plumbs.
After licking for hours, my tongue gets quite numb.
I cannot quite focus, lead poisoning, I think,
so, I'll kindly retire now, and go 'neath my sink.

Hempy


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 10, 1998 at 17:57:52 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

On the third day of Christmas my Loooona gave to me
Three sheets to the wind
Two bikini waxes
And a nude picture of the Bee Gees.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 10, 1998 at 22:10:02 (PST)

On the fourth day of Christmas my luna gave to me
Four prophylactics
Three sheets to the wind
Two bikini waxes
And a nude picture of the Bee Gees.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 10, 1998 at 22:12:04 (PST)

On the fifth day of Christmas my Luna gave to me,
Five gold pings,
Four prophylactics,
Three sheets to the wind,
Two bikini waxes,
And a nude picture of the Bee Gees.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 10, 1998 at 22:16:26 (PST)

On the Sixth day of Christmas my luna gave to me
Six Black Helicopters
Five gold pings
Four prophylactics
Three sheets to the wind
Two bikini waxes
And a nude picture of the Bee Gees

(and it was actually one I didnt have already)


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 10, 1998 at 22:38:23 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

On the seventh day Christmas my Luna gave to me
Seven Bottles of Cuervo
Six Black Helicopters
Five Gold Pings
Four Prophylactics
Three Sheets to the Wind
Two Bikini Waxes
And a Nude Picture of the Bee Gees

Well that was loads of fun. Here's hoping you all have a Merry Christmas, Happy Kawanza (or how ever the hell you spell), or a Happy Hanukah. Other then that. Bite Me, Love me or Hate me. Whichever seems appropiate.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 11, 1998 at 14:03:57 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

On the eighth day of Christmas my Luna gave to me...
Eight Monica Lewinski's,
Seven Bottles of Cuervo,
Six Black Helicopters,
Five Gold Pings,
Four Prophylactics,
Three Sheets to the Wind,
Two Bikini Waxes,
And a Nude Picture of the Bee Gees


A Butter Patty from: HECTOR
on Friday, December 11, 1998 at 15:32:53 (PST)

Zipperhead.........my friends want to know, Just how big an O-boy are you anyway? I may have to open a BIG can onya.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 11, 1998 at 18:44:09 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

On the ninth day of Xmas, Luna gave to me:

Nine boiled knuckles of pork,
Eight Monica Lewinski's,
Seven Bottles of Cuervo,
Six Black Helicopters,
Five Gold Pings,
Four Prophylactics,
Three Sheets to the Wind,
Two Bikini Waxes,
And a Nude Picture of the Bee Gees(WOOOOOOHOOOOO! Gotta love Barry in the buff!)


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 12, 1998 at 10:06:02 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

EZRA'S PERFECT PIG'S KNUCKLE

1 pig's knuckle, about 2 pounds
4 cups water
1 tablespoon salt 1/2 cup vinegar
1 bay leaf 3 cloves mashed garlic
oil for frying (enough to cover) salt and pepper to taste

Boil pig's knuckle in water. Add salt and bay leaf. Cook until tender, then deep fry
in oil until skin is crispy. Serve with relish or dip of vinegar and garlic

(Wine suggestion... 1995 Cadet de Cazenove, Bordeaux)


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 12, 1998 at 12:11:14 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

I think it is important to remember the true meaning of the holiday season, so I
offer the above link for all of you. (SLi especially!) The best comic Jack Chick
never made!
Happy Solstice!

PaleFi


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, December 14, 1998 at 09:02:43 (PST)

From Webster's dictionary;

Hector (pronounced "fuh ked") verb: to play the bully : SWAGGER
verb transitive
: to intimidate or harass by bluster or personal pressure
1) Synonyms: INTIMIDATE, bludgeon, browbeat, bulldoze, bully, blowhard, cow, dragoon, strong-arm, terrorize
2) Synonyms: BAIT (v), badger (v), bitch (v), chide, heckle, hound (v), ride

hec*tor [1] (noun)
[Latin, from Greek "Eetmee"]
1 capitalized : a son of Priam, husband of Andromache, and Trojan champion slain by Achilles.

2 : BULLY, BRAGGART

Doesn't say anything about "O'boy", so I'm assuming it's complimentary.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, December 14, 1998 at 09:38:22 (PST)

Anyone else getting the idea that Zipper has had enough of Hector???
I mean Zipper wasnt even with the Amish bunch that trashed the Four Seasons...I think he has his large ARF-ites confused


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, December 14, 1998 at 15:36:04 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Looks like Disco's "Nine boiled knuckles of pork" addition pretty much stopped the "Luna's Twelve Days" project dead in its tracks.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, December 14, 1998 at 15:46:51 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention...

WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG!

heh


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, December 14, 1998 at 16:54:38 (PST)

It has come to me that several people are unaware of the origins of my nick
I would like to clear that up straight away
According to Webters
Pontifex:(from the latin pontifuk) is the scientific name for the ring of muscle surrounding the anal glands of marsupial thunder-sheep"
I hope this clears up any confusion
Thanks
Pont


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, December 14, 1998 at 17:13:36 (PST)

In the interest of this season of goodwill, I'd like to get things back on track. Re: Hector/Zipperhead pissfest; to quote Murphy Brown- "why don't you two just drop your pants, I'll get a measuring tape and we'll settle this thing once and for all!"

Zipperhead; please sit on a flashlight and sing "You Light Up My Life"

Hector; insert a mag-lite, and sing harmony.
--------------------------------------------------------------------

On The 10th day of Xmas, my Luna gave to me;

Ten Pontifexes
Nine boiled knuckles of pork,
Eight Monica Lewinski's,
Seven Bottles of Cuervo,
Six Black Helicopters,
Five Gold Pings,
Four Prophylactics,
Three Sheets to the Wind,
Two Bikini Waxes,
And a Nude Picture of the Bee Gees


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, December 14, 1998 at 18:26:09 (PST)

I am thinking of becoming a member of The Hector Church of God. anyone wanna join me????


A Butter Patty from: Tyrebyter
on Tuesday, December 15, 1998 at 16:18:43 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

The above link doesn't show the picture that appeared in the paper, which showed
a group of amish kids sitting in front of *gasp* computers (power macs, Doc!).

Instead of a flashlight, why don't we have Zipperhead sit on an icicle
and sing "don't it make my brown eye blue?".



A Butter Patty from: JustAngel
on Tuesday, December 15, 1998 at 17:35:31 (PST)

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my Loooooooooona gave to me:
11 pounds of GOAT MILK FUDGE
10 Pontifexes
9 Boiled Knuckles of Pork
8 Monica Lewinsky's
7 Bottles of Cuervo
6 Black Helicopters
5 Goooooooold Pinnnnnnnnngs
4 Prophylactics
3 Sheets to the Wind
2 Bikini Waxes
and a nuuude picture of the Bee Gee's



Geez..i cant believe no one remembered the goat milk fudge!!!!
Happy Whatever You Call It, be it Xmas, or Hannukah, or whatever..cya'll in the barn:)) Angel


A Butter Patty from: Hector
on Tuesday, December 15, 1998 at 19:31:57 (PST)

Nice try zipperhead but you ain't talking your way outta this one! I am ready
to bury the hatchet...IN YOUR HEAD!


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, December 16, 1998 at 00:23:19 (PST)

Let me get this straight; you're gonna go after me with a hatchet because I won't reveal how big an "O'boy" I am, right? I just looked back through the posts, and that seems to be your major (in fact, only) theme. Ok, just cuz it's Christmas and politicians are roasting nicely on the fire, I'll tell you. I'm a big O'boy. There, I said it, hope it makes your nipples hard. I don't even have a clue what an o'boy is, but I hope it's worth getting all worked up over. My advice: Get a nice big turkey,










And STUFF IT.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, December 16, 1998 at 09:25:37 (PST)

I have rubble with turds. No matter how I try, everything comes out obscene. Despite being a clitiful putz, I feel that you are pretty fart smellers and perhaps there may even be rumerous nipples of laughter because my ships are slowing. In school, I tasted a whole worm in English class, reading "A Sale of Two Titties", "Lacenic and Old Arse" and "French the Lieutenant's Woman", all in reverse. I wound up tailing two firms. I can't tell you how many mystery lectures I hissed.

Let me sell you a tory that explains it all:

Once upon a girl there was a time. She was a wordy stench, and a very gritty pearl. I wanted to ask her for her hole in handy matrimony. I was titted for a fucks, and soon we were jawfully loined. On our moneyhoon, we went to the Whore's Bed Inn, where I told her; "It's my ducky lay when they serve both chancy fuck and a late groin of beef!" I proposed a toast, and said to our English waiter; "To the queer old dean, Elizabeth." Then, we heard Miss Playbody pee songs from shit hose for us. Unfortunately, I soon found my whack to the balls, because I had to shake an enormous tit.

The next day, I made a call from a Hell and Bowel telephone ball cocks, and we got two pickets to Titsburgh, where we shook a cruise tip. Due to an stormy ass of mare, the fog was thick as sea poop. I felt like a dick suck, and they had to send an OSS in coarse mode. The vessel shit holes trying to arrive before the short putz, but finally we landed and shopped a whore. We visited all the shitty props and with the help of a lank bone, bought everything to seat our nudes- a banned hag, a cool tit, some breast to crush with, a hand glider, a crotch we both waved, some delicious cock randy, and an overdead whore for the garage.

I would tell you more, but it would just be astute cunt, and would deperp my fetus. Perhaps others can now admit having the same problem, and I know I will truly have wed the lay.



A Butter Patty from: AliceinW
on Wednesday, December 16, 1998 at 15:24:51 (PST)

On the 12th day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
12 Geeks a sipping big gulps
11 pounds of GOAT MILK FUDGE
10 Pontifexes
9 Boiled Knuckles of Pork
8 Monica Lewinsky's
7 Bottles of Cuervo
6 Black Helicopters
5 Goooooooold Pinnnnnnnnngs
4 Prophylactics
3 Sheets to the Wind
2 Bikini Waxes
and a nuuude picture of the Bee Gee's


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, December 16, 1998 at 19:04:45 (PST)

What's the matter with you, Ed and Hector? Cat got your tongue(s)? I'm a mighty big O'boy, and maybe you're CHICKEN to deal with a big O'boy like myself. Why don't the two of you pool your courage enough to stop shaking in your Sperry Topsiders and RUN AWAY SCREAMING like the Indigo Girls you are!


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, December 16, 1998 at 19:51:16 (PST)

On the 13th day of Christmas, Luna gave to me.....umm an ASS whipping cuz I'm a day late and a dollar short, Oh well I enjoyed the ASS whipping, so I guess you can say my wish came true for Christmas:)

Fitzie


A Butter Patty from: Hector
on Thursday, December 17, 1998 at 16:16:56 (PST)

Rakefighters:

This will be my last post for a while. My unit is being sent to Turkey as
part of Desert Fox. I will miss you guys greatly even the good natured
jabbing with ol' zipperhead. I must admit, I am scared but I will do my duty
to serve this great country. GOD BLESS AMERICA!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 18, 1998 at 11:18:08 (PST)

Hector, you wuss! When did the U.S. Army establish a gay battalion, anyway? And as far as your unit goes, it's probably been in a turkey before, as well as many other common barnyard animals. Wrapping your cowardice in a flag didn't work for Pontifux and it won't wash here either. Just admit that the reason you are going away is that you are afraid of a big O'boy name Zipperhead!

Yours in manliness, not that you know what that is,
Zipperhead


A Butter Patty from: Noel Horn
on Friday, December 18, 1998 at 14:34:03 (PST)

Hey Zipperhead....... you're a loser.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 19, 1998 at 08:12:56 (PST)

Who else it tired of Zipper's bullshit here?


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 19, 1998 at 09:39:18 (PST)

Wotcha, tossers...

Just a short one - have a non-shit Xmas.

Nish


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 19, 1998 at 10:54:58 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Condider this quote, from the above site:
"Everybody sees a different meaning in the GOP's setbacks,but I feel that the voters
recoiled holding their noses when they sniffed the strong stink of polecat pee
arising from Kenn Starr's witch-hunt. After all, in previous nightmare journeys on
"moralic acid," the puritans merely announced that somebody had acted naughty,
without prurient details. Grover Cleveland, they told us, had an affair (and a child)
with a woman whom he had not wed; they didn't spy and snoop enough to find our what
styles of dalliance Grover and his lady enjoyed, and they did not publish such
intimacies.. Even the excremental McCarthy merely denounced people for a Gay
lifestyle: he did not try to find out, or tell us at length , what forms of Gay sex
the victims had enjoyed. Starr's sexual fascism sunk to a much lower level of the
sewer than these previous swineries. I think most people knew that his Report would
have included "Graphic Photos --The Kind Adults Like" if he could have found any. I
have no quarrel with porno, if the actors get paid decently and volunteer for the
work, but when any prosecutor can make any political foe into the unwilling star of a
porno novel, we have entered a nightmare worse than any in Kafka: a sexual fascism
only William S. Burroughs ever foresaw. "
I don't want to start shrieking dire Orwellian warnings, but, as they say, the
writing is on the wall. Watch your backs,


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 19, 1998 at 11:01:11 (PST)

Perhaps the previous post would be more effective if it started with "Consider"
rather than "Condider." And it looks as if the final words of my posts are yet again
vanishing into cyberspace. As Jesus said, as he hung upon the cross, "Goddamn, this
hurts."

PaleF


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 19, 1998 at 18:22:19 (PST)

AP Nov 7, Wash D.C.-- Despite the stunning public repudiation of Republican sleaze in the elections, Kenneth Starr has announced two new Clinton scandals he intends to investigate.

The first, and major of the new charges, involves the assertion of two Little Rock women, Edna Crone, 88, and Edith Hagg, 91, who allege that in December 1981 they were sitting behind Mr.Clinton in the First Baptist Church when he let a ripping fart. "He tried to look innocent," Ms Crone said, "And when we said, 'That was you,' he lied to us.He said 'Who, me?' But it was him, and it stank to high heaven." Starr commented, "This shows a pattern of deception."

A second charge comes from a retired secret service man whose name was not released, who says he saw the president pick his nose on 23 July 1993. Starr intends to investigate fully. "These investigations will only cost another $50 million," Starr said, "and the America people deserve to know if full penetration occured, and all the other details."

A poll of typical citizens conducted by CNN/Time found that the most popular explanations of Mr Starr's increasingly bizarre investigations are:

He's one Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl
One taco short of a combination plate
A sandwich short of a picnic
A gallon short of a tankfull.
A few feathers short of a whole chicken
He's dumber than a box of rocks
A few peas short of a casserole
Doesn't have all his Cornflakes in one box
The wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead
All foam, no beer
He's so far out the trolleys don't run there
The cheese slid off his cracker years ago
An intellect rivaled only by garden tools
Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash
Elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels
Receiver is off the hook
Sky light leaks a little
Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.


A Butter Patty from: Tom Bodett
on Saturday, December 19, 1998 at 18:39:04 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

The Top 16 Rejected Motel 6 Slogans


16 We're working on that smell thing, too.

15 Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.

14 As seen on "COPS"

13 If We'd Known You Were Staying All Night, We'd Have
Changed the Sheets

12 Not just for nooners anymore.

11 We left off the 9, but you know it's there.

10 You rented the room, now buy the video.

9 Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you
wouldn't have money left over for a hooker.

8 We'll leave the Lysol for ya!

7 Hey, we're not the Ritz, but just try bringing your
secretary there on *your* salary, pal!

6 We don't make the adultery. We make the adultery *better*

5 It's Hookerriffic!

4 Official Lodging of the 1998 Florida Marlins

3 Blurring the line between stains and avant garde sheet art
since 1962!

2 Cheap and Easy -- Just Like Your Mother


and the Number 1 Rejected Motel 6 Slogan...


1 We put the "Ho" in "Motel"




A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 19, 1998 at 22:13:57 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

some gift ideas for that hard to shop for person on your christmass list.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, December 20, 1998 at 07:35:06 (PST)

Is there really a Santa Claus?


A Butter Patty from: Hanukkah_Lewinski
on Sunday, December 20, 1998 at 09:08:37 (PST)

Back to the caves! (Trust us, it's for your own good.)

Your Republican Friends


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, December 20, 1998 at 09:42:34 (PST)

I FINALLY decided to make an appearance last night and guess what... I'M BANNED.
I should've known you candyasses wouldn't welcome the opportunity to have a little diversity pumped into your humdrum lives. I should've known a channel that welcomes
the likes of HECTOR, would take exception to a bit of lively give and take.
Par for the course!


A Butter Patty from: Albert Camus
on Sunday, December 20, 1998 at 12:12:33 (PST)

Concerning the peculiar case of Zipperhead , I can only conclude that he is suffering
from a painful type of existential angst common in the mid-twentieth century. Perhaps
a quote from one of my works can best explain:
"Great explorerers in the realm of absurdity have not been lacking. But, in the last
analysis, their greatness is measured by the extent to which they have rejected the
complacencies of absurdism in order to accept its exigencies. They destroy as much,
not as little, as they can. 'My enemies,' says Nietzsche, 'are those who want to
destroy without creating their own selves.'"
Also, he is a dickhead. Hope this helps to clear things up.


A Butter Patty from: Noel Horn
on Sunday, December 20, 1998 at 12:58:49 (PST)

Did I mention, Zipperbutt, that you are a hurlhead and I think you suck and you are a loser???? I wasn't sure if I did or not. And Hector can soooooo whoop your butt any day.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, December 20, 1998 at 16:47:52 (PST)


Can't we all just get along????????????


A Butter Patty from: Innocent_bystander
on Sunday, December 20, 1998 at 22:21:13 (PST)

No.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, December 21, 1998 at 13:23:54 (PST)

SHEESH!!!!

How did he figure out that my ass was made of candy???!!!!???

Hempy


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, December 21, 1998 at 13:28:44 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Hey there you fine amish folk. Just popin in to say hay! Just here typin away at the new job place. Makin web page after web page. pretty fun stuff actually. One of these days I'll get the irc thing goin here and I'll be on more during the day whilst i "work" hehe. ah welll... spose I should get back to the grind... and if you folks are ever out and about, travelin, driven even, and ya gets tired (or perhaps an urge or two) then look here for the HOtel nearest you!!

BillyZ


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 22, 1998 at 11:15:13 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

Read this first, then go to the link;

I think this may explain the relationship between a certain naughty mideastern dictator, a certain politician being forced to undergo a very public roto-rootering because various acts of hooverism were performed upon the "Head of State", as well as a dubious charge of the extremely rare moral crime of "humidorism".

Now we have an inkling of the massive plot behind it all, and to think it was none other than an anorexic balding foghorn braying at his annual "Kash for Kripples" event. The horror, the horror...


A Butter Patty from: AliceinW
on Thursday, December 24, 1998 at 00:52:30 (PST)

So I am driving home at the wonderful pace of ten miles an hour because of a little snow and freezing rain and what do I see by the side of the road but a living nativity scene. Now what does one do when one sees some thing like this. (Well besides the fact they had small children out in this weather by the side of the road dressed up to be shepherds or something like that and I wanted to go light a nice cozy yule log next to them so the kids would not freeze to death.) The moron in front of me who is having enough trouble keeping his kia on the road starts to wave. The whole group of Mary, Joseph, shepherds and who knows what else stuck in the ply wood barn like structure waves back. Do you think Mary after just giving brith would be standing around waving at people driving by on their camels etc? No I say! Some recreation! The sheep would be moving on because they would think they had been signaled too and Joseph is still wondering how in the hell she got preggers in the first place when all he did was kiss her. So I am sure he was not in the mood to wave. The wise men are hanging on to the goods until they are sure they have the right address so they have no free hands to wave and any one else hanging around probaley just got laid down at the motel 6 because the Romans did not take all their money for taxes so they were to tired to wave. (Men still being in the get laid and roll over to sleep stage of development. I don't think they have evolved much past that at any rate) So all in all the waving thing just ruined the whole effect for me and even the car up ahead with a www.jsus plate did not make me swallow a bunch of freezing people out in bad weather trying to make us feel all Christian. But I never feel all Christan cause them is fighting words. So Merry Christmas to all and to all a good pagan rip snorting time!


A Butter Patty from: AliceinW
on Thursday, December 24, 1998 at 00:58:12 (PST)

PS. I am so glad is has gotten cold because if any carolers come by I can TURN THE HOSE ON THEM!


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 24, 1998 at 10:41:14 (PST)

Just so yall dont think I dropped off the face of the earth...been snowed or rather iced in away from the PC...hope to be back in the barn in soon.
Merry Christmas guys!! I love you
Smooches
SLi


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 24, 1998 at 11:10:00 (PST)

Happy Christmas everyone and a Merry New Year!!!! err something like that, and YES I'm a day early:) OH E.J. I thought it was get Laid, give her some money to take a taxi home, tip not included, then roll over and fall asleep:) Well that's how we do it in the south:)

Fitzie


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 24, 1998 at 12:41:46 (PST)

Just wanted to take a moment to wish a Happy Christmas to those so inclined. (Many
scholars now believe that Jesus was not born in December, but rather in spring or
early summer, but who am I to rant...) Where ever you are, whatever you are doing,
stay warm and dry, and maybe take a second to think about people who aren't so
fortunate. Me, I'm leaving the dumpster unlocked tonight. Goddess bless us, everyone.
PaleFire



A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 24, 1998 at 16:20:30 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

I know it's out of fashioned, but I basically buy into the old fashioned meaning of Christmas. I also belive in being tolerant of other's beliefs and being open minded in general. With that said, I hope everyone has a wonderful season, realizing as Pale mentioned above, how "blessed" we all really are.

Now, back to your regularly scheduled Churn.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 24, 1998 at 16:22:47 (PST)

out of fashioned???
belive???

... someone needs to bless me with a dictionary.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 24, 1998 at 21:04:56 (PST)

Merry Christmas :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 24, 1998 at 22:08:51 (PST)

God DAMN ezra you are SO LAME! Some BRAINS are what you need to be blessed with!

Hey, someone's at the door...


A Butter Patty from:
onThursday, December 24, 1998 at 22:26:55 (PST)

M
ERRY CHRISTMASEVERYONE!

You will all be happy to know that as a Xmas present to you all, I hired three huge lesbians to go and kick the shit out of Zipperhead. They stuffed his body in the trunk of their Geo, and I heard they dumped his ass into a polluted river somewhere.

You're welcome,
Doc


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 25, 1998 at 00:25:12 (PST)

Okay, Okay so it's Christmas time and while I have some very strange beliefs of my own I do actually go to church once in awhile, and yes it is a recognized religion Epsicopal if you must know, but any I digress, the pastor at my church one year
delivered the following for his midnight mass sermon, needless to say the entire congregation wa almost rolling on the floor and I thought I woud share it with you
all..Doc you should really get a laugh out of this, please excuse the length.

What might the Christmas story sound like if it were told incorporating all the various myths, misunderstandings, and attitudes that permeate our celebration? I fear it might sound something like this:
Once upon a time, a decree went out from Ceasar in August that evryone should be taxed so that the deficitwould not get to big. Joseph and Mary traveled to Bethlehem. Mary rode on a donkey named Rudolph, who was embarrased to be seen carrying an unwed mother. He blushed so at the thought that his nose glowed red.
Upon arriving at Bethlehem, they could not find a place to stay. (It was, after all, the Christmas season, and the press of tourists was crushing.) As they knocked at the door of the last inn in town, the innkeeper pushed back the shutter and threw up the sash. His figure appeared so nimble and quick They knew in a moment his name must be nick. "Nick," said Joe, "we need a place to stay." "Joe," said Nick, "there just ain't no way." "But we have Visa and Jerusalem Express!" "Joe," said Nick, "there's no way unless you're willing to stay in a donkey stable, and from the looks of the Mrs.,I'm not sure she's able." "Nick your a saint," Joseph said. "The hay will make a dandy bed." Rudolph however, was not filled with glee--- "Uh-uh, that loose woman ain't staying with me!" Mary responded pleadingly "Do this good deed, Rudolph, and you'll see you'll probably go down in history." Rudolph relented and allslept in the stable: A baby was born and Joseph was able to fashion a crib from manger and straw. And all watched thwe baby with wonder and awe.

Meanwhile in a field nearby, seven dwarfs who were shepards were startled to hear a group of angels singing Handel's Messiah. At the end of the concert they were told to satnd up (that, by the way, has become a tradition even to this day) and to go to Bethlehem. So off they marched to the beat of their friend the little drummer boy. When they arrived, at the stable they met Joseph, Mary, the child and a fat little man made famous in song, Round John Virgin. While the shepards worshipped, the little drummer boy insisted on playing his drum -- Rum a bum bum! Rum a bum bum! Rum a bum bum!-- for hour after hour, until finally the baby was crying, the mother was sick, and Joseph was so agitated that he picked up a stick and smashed the little pest's drum! That night three wise men arrived bearing gifts. They introduced themselves as the three kings from Orienare. They warned Joseph that an evil king, Muammar el-Qaddafi, wanted to kill the baby. So the little family boarded a flight to Egypt. Eventually they were able to return to Nazareth where the baby grew up and became such a bad carpenter that he had to make a living by going around telling inspiring tales. He is still revered today beacuse people always like a good tale.

Once again I apologize for the length but just wanted to share that with you all. Hope every one has Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 25, 1998 at 00:27:20 (PST)

Once agian my pic failed to show up so just tolet you know that long as sthing above is from me Geff.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 25, 1998 at 08:39:36 (PST)

Did I ever say I wasn't lame? Have we officially retired Zipperhead? What a great Christmas gift THAT would be.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 25, 1998 at 11:45:37 (PST)

You ma pal, bud dy. Zhish is where de grrrrls wen

HEY! Waddaya doon n my bar, why I oughta...

...Then he shez "Oh yeah? Who's gon make me?" so I shtood up

an ooh the roomsh shtartin to do 33RPM

can you get me shomethin I'm gon be shick...

BlAaAaaaRGh!! RooooAhgommygommgomm hooh! Oh my Goaaoaooorph! Huh huh huh uhhhhhh...

Ed

(chrismash shpirt, hav nothr one... get me one tooo whi yer up... thang you. Fuckin' wha huh ooooooooooo...)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 25, 1998 at 15:02:16 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

maybe a prostitute could teach you how to take a compliment


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 25, 1998 at 19:44:26 (PST)

Merry Xmas, and Happy Holidays to all you "other religion" type people. Hope this next year brings everyone contentment and satisfaction. (What else could a person want?)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 25, 1998 at 19:59:52 (PST)

Well while we are off the subject of Christmas...I would like to suggest a Barn Mission Statement for next year...and after discussing it with several here are some of the choices.

1. Beneath your wide basin, I make my home
2. We efficently initiate economically sound technology such that we may continue to conviently foster interdependant infrastructures to meet your needs.
3. Nekid Twister, and the occasional slice of orange.
4. It is our mission to completely promote scalable content as well as to assertively administrate diverse methods of empowerment
5. Hey Ed, pass the bong man.
6. It is our mission to proactively facilitate world-class catalysts for change and authoritatively integrate long-term high-impact paradigms while promoting personal growth
7. Luna is Nekid on iVisit again...(also suggested Luna's drunk again and nekid on iVisit)
8. Our goal is to interactively initiate unique products to allow us to continually enhance high standards in our everyday lives.
9. Over 80% of our Ops have a productive sex life...well at least part of the time
10. Our goal is to seamlessly revolutionize high standards in technology to allow us to dramatically pursue multimedia based data because that is what we expect

try em out...say em a few times...it helps


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, December 25, 1998 at 20:22:41 (PST)

that's too much typing... and thinking


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 26, 1998 at 10:39:05 (PST)

Just testing the theory that if I post absolutely anything here that Ez will reply with a smart assed answer within moments....the time is now 12:35CST.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 26, 1998 at 11:23:08 (PST)

how long's a moment?

You know... I was just thinking... Luna is a little bit country and a little bit rock n roll.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 26, 1998 at 11:43:39 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

You single guys may wish to check out this link. Lots of eligible females... all willing to relocate.

(You can thank me later)


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 26, 1998 at 11:55:54 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

hmmm

}:-|


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 26, 1998 at 12:56:45 (PST)

so uhhh ez, you think we all need tips eh? Or is this another site of yours?


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, December 26, 1998 at 15:12:24 (PST)

Actually, I think #5 and #6 could be combined into one mission statement.

(My shoes are almost dry now.)

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, December 27, 1998 at 13:55:42 (PST)

I have another proposal for the '99 mission statement, but I haven't been energetic
enough to translate it into nifty, motivational, corporate buzz-speak. But I think,
if implemented, it will only serve to add value to our product, reinforcing postive
brand-image in the minds of our target consumer base. The proposal: We will NOT use
emoticons (aka "smilies," etc.) to express humor or irony; rather, we will strive at
all times for clarity of discourse. 1999 is the year the ;-) must die.
PaleFire


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, December 27, 1998 at 21:00:00 (PST)

kewl!
:)


A Butter Patty from: AliceinW
on Sunday, December 27, 1998 at 21:10:45 (PST)

does this mean we all have to adopt corporate speak becuase I think I am getting a head ache and only a good bonk cures that so it might push our sex GNP over the top


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, December 28, 1998 at 12:13:48 (PST)

I agree that the current mission should include as much corporate warm fuzzy use of the Thesaurus as possible...I mean if the call to be proactive and more assertive with our oral skills leads to more bonking...well I really can see no downside.
: ) ops strike that
Smooches
SLi

P.S. Are these --> ( o Y o ) considered emoticons? or can we still have boobs in channel?


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, December 28, 1998 at 19:07:21 (PST)

WHAT?????????


A Butter Patty from: AliceinW
on Monday, December 28, 1998 at 21:26:25 (PST)

I feel all warm and fuzzy and hey my head ache is gone...we call that upside economics


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 29, 1998 at 07:59:29 (PST)

Hi Luna! :o)


( o billYz o )

i know, i'm such a boob.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 29, 1998 at 08:22:13 (PST)

So, I'm sitting at work today, and had finally managed to work myself up into telling my boss that I have a second interview with Chrysler next Tuesday, and I am leaving if I get the job, only to find out that my boss is off until the fourth. Screw that hippy!!!!

I got myself a new sink for Christmas, so I will be installing it in the barn over the next couple of days. Ed....this sink is not a urinal. Don't think I didn't know about your late night relief sessions; I heard you splashing around up there.

See ya all in the barn.

Hempy


A Butter Patty from: AliceinW
on Tuesday, December 29, 1998 at 17:28:21 (PST)

Did you ever wonder what they put in those cheese stuffed celery down at corporate headquateres? I mean it resembles cheese but I think they call it a cheese food product. Can you use it to grease your butt when xeroxing that particular body part...well sure you can, but is it necessary? The xerox would not have that arty fuzzy look, then again do we need to see it all that clearly? When getting caught xeroxing your body parts would it not be better to have a bit of art involved or at least claim it was Art's body part in question. Now I can identify the celery but the rest is still a bit fuzzy.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 29, 1998 at 19:07:03 (PST)

Just a few things: First, if it is up to me (am I now the arbiter of
thesaurus-related activities?) ASCII art, including the depiction of boobs, penii, or
any other sex-related body parts will still be allowed. Only smiley-faces, winks,
etc. will be forbidden. I could never, in good conscience, ban boobs from the barn.
Second, I had some thoughts about the processed cheese food, but an indellible mental
image of AliceInW greasing her butt caused me to lose my train of thought. It's just
as well, because one-handed typing can lead to nasty errors.
PaleFire


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, December 29, 1998 at 19:56:11 (PST)

NO SMILES?????????????

/me weeps


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, December 30, 1998 at 06:07:04 (PST)

alicein, i'm a bit cornfused by your post... are you trying to tell us you have a fuzzy butt?

;o)
BillyZ


A Butter Patty from: AliceinW
on Wednesday, December 30, 1998 at 21:37:32 (PST)

As I sit and ponder fuzzy butts in art work and major works on xerox I remember how cold I am and that naked bodies under a blanket is a survival technique. Now two bodies works well but more could really heat up a place. Bring in a bottle of nice cold bubbley to pour and lick off of stuff then you have a convection oven. I am feeling warm and fuzzy all over which gets me back to Art and his body parts.

HAPPY NEW YEAR ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be warm and happy and safe...and have a great fucking year!!!!!!!!!!!Wahoooo!!!!!!!!!!!


A Butter Patty from: AliceinW
on Wednesday, December 30, 1998 at 21:40:05 (PST)

Billy, the bunny parts are fuzzy the rest is pure art.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 31, 1998 at 10:24:26 (PST)

I admit, my aim may have been a little off. Now, to my credit it should be mentioned that the sink is still an improvement over the previous holiday season, when I remember complimenting you on having genius to put a light bulb in your toilet that let me know when the seat was up. You started yelling; "Now I know who's been pissing in my fridge!"

Remember?


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 31, 1998 at 20:01:34 (PST)

Oh, and quickly, before our Luna Theme Month is over - This passage from Eugene Cernan's The Last Man On The Moon (Gene Cernan was the last astronaut to walk on the moon): "In 1959 the Soviets launched Luna 2, an 860-pound projectile that became the first man-made object to hit the moon."


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, December 31, 1998 at 23:19:10 (PST)

I got your large projectile, Doc!

Say, I guess my priorities are all screwed up, but I think it's more important to be last in the month of the last month of the year... rather than to be the first and go "yoo hoo".

(Now it's someone's turn to get the last word... or will it be the first word.. who cares anyway?

So it goes!


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