August '97

As the world Churns
The official BBS of Amish Rake Fight on the DALnet


Churn out a Post?


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 01, 1997 at 02:21:56 (PDT)

Looks like I'M first this month....and I have absolutely nothing to say............. so NEENER NEENER NEENER :P


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 01, 1997 at 11:32:59 (PDT)

Just me:) I wanted Everyone to see MY pic towards the top everyday, cuz I've got the Cutest one:) And that's all I have to say Neener's Neeners whateversssss

Fitzie


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 01, 1997 at 15:05:14 (PDT)

Ok why didn't my pic work?!?


A Butter Patty from: Fitzie
on Friday, August 01, 1997 at 15:07:09 (PDT)

Ok, it did, MY bad, no more Churns from me for awile:)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 01, 1997 at 16:36:06 (PDT)

Just wanted you all to know (Candy in particular) that today is Jell-O's 100th Birthday!! Happy Birthday Jell-O!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 01, 1997 at 17:47:18 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Happy B'day J-E-L-L-O!! I made a Blueberry Vodka Shooter Jello Mold for my party tonite! Wish you all were here....
(I'm a bit worn out from the DrForrester B'day bash last night truth told...and can't wait for this *high social season* to wind down.)
-The Candster :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 02, 1997 at 04:36:38 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

hey Nish..I *just* got your email man.
the ad agency where I work had gotten hit by lightening sometime last week, and it totally fucked up our internet connection. We were without internet access for over 5 days - which pretty much sucks for the few of us that work on the net..
Anyways, if anyone missed me...i'm right now going through about 40 pieces of email that have accumulated in that time..and I'll email you back sometime soon, Nish.

Oh..I saw "Contact" last week..and it was really silly. In the movie, we overcome all sorts of obstacles, and send Jody Foster into space - trillions of light years away from earth - only to learn a lesson right out of a "Barney" episode.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 02, 1997 at 06:48:28 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I dunno...some people get an e-mail off me and have to brag about it over the web...tsk....:)


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 02, 1997 at 13:02:46 (PDT)

*sniff*
Welp, I'll be out of commission on the rake fight for a bit. I moved outta the old homestead and away from my poor old much maligned computer. I'll be downgraded to snail mail only, I"m afraid.
Hope to see you all VERY SOON. Wish me luck in getting back online. :)
lisa


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 02, 1997 at 20:38:49 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Well, its good to have flossie back safe and sound but i am wondering why she has a tatoo that reads " i love raven" on her butt!!!!

Check is in the mail Jim. Thanks again!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 03, 1997 at 21:51:19 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

HAHAHAHAHAAHHAH!!!! Goddamn, nishy...I'm STILL laughing about that post o' yours!!!!! You just RULE! But really, I just ALSO wanted to brag about getting an email from the Nishlord. I am sooo amused. And I also wanted to recommend to everyone the good web site of Nishy's...I don't know the URL right off, but you all should be able to easily get it from him...He even has a guestbook. The whole things makes me laugh. A lot.--poseroo


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 03, 1997 at 21:51:36 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

HAHAHAHAHAAHHAH!!!! Goddamn, nishy...I'm STILL laughing about that post o' yours!!!!! You just RULE! But really, I just ALSO wanted to brag about getting an email from the Nishlord. I am sooo amused. And I also wanted to recommend to everyone the good web site of Nishy's...I don't know the URL right off, but you all should be able to easily get it from him...He even has a guestbook. The whole things makes me laugh. A lot.--poseroo


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 03, 1997 at 21:51:48 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

HAHAHAHAHAAHHAH!!!! Goddamn, nishy...I'm STILL laughing about that post o' yours!!!!! You just RULE! But really, I just ALSO wanted to brag about getting an email from the Nishlord. I am sooo amused. And I also wanted to recommend to everyone the good web site of Nishy's...I don't know the URL right off, but you all should be able to easily get it from him...He even has a guestbook. The whole things makes me laugh. A lot.--poseroo


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 04, 1997 at 02:46:01 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

You see? Some people get so excited by an e-mail from me, they just lose control and repeat themselves like the folk who see Jesus in an orange peel. Happens in real life too - commuting to work for me is like the opening five minutes of A Hard Day's Night...*sigh*

Anyway, I want to wish our ol' dear Queen Muvver many happy returns of the day, Gawd bless 'er she does a GRAND job at her age etc etc etc.

Nishlord


A Butter Patty from: HRH Queen Muvver
on Monday, August 04, 1997 at 08:56:31 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Why Thank You, Nishlord ! Your kind words have earned an extra "heating oil stipend" for your Dad &Mam. Off to see if Candy's done a tribute to me on her Web Site. She's ever the clever girl!
-The Mumster


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 04, 1997 at 16:14:55 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

WHOA! REWIND!Stop this churn RIGHT NOW!

At this very moment, Lord Nish sits in his Chill Palace, his face a distorted mask of rage and anger...his fist a-shaking across the Atlantic...you American fuckers have PISSED me off BIG STYLE, and some bastard's gonna PAY!

According to some upstart colonial FUCKPIG called Kitty Kelley, our own Queen Mother - The Nation's Grandma, goddammit it, Britain's best-loved manky-teethed monarch - couldn't bear children, and so was artificially inseminated in order to give birth to our own fair Queen and the pissheaded one, what's her name again....anyway...

I don't mind her ripping into some wife-beating scrawny Mafia wannabe, or an anorexic hag with a senile husband, but when my Royal Family is besmirched...well, you know that the Nishlord isn't gonna stand for it...so I'm gonnna take this tissue of lies and WIPE my ARSE on it.

You got that right, Father Fishcake...I am going to give the Queen Mother a right royal TUPPING (maybe on live TV before the lottery numbers, if the money's right), and knock her up as only the Nishlord can....and then we'll see, won't we, friends? The world will know the TRUTH, HA HA HA HAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

What a fucking ugly kid it'll be though.

Nishlord, ready to die for the Queen


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 04, 1997 at 16:31:23 (PDT)

Er...someone called 'me_mongo' (me_mongo@PM103-18.freeway.net) has just banned me from #ARF...it might have been an honest mistake, but if it wasn't, could you do the decent thing and kick his bollocks so far up his fucking neck he'll be wearing them as earrings, if you please?

Nishlord


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 04, 1997 at 16:37:35 (PDT)

Oh aye...and the shitbag's in #sex now. He made himself a powerful enemy this night...


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 04, 1997 at 19:58:38 (PDT)

Hmmm....a tatto that says "I love raven", eh? There seem to be a lot of those around lately...especially in this town. BTW..has anyone checked Candy's backside?? >:)



A Butter Patty from: Candy-O
on Monday, August 04, 1997 at 21:16:11 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

C'mon...cheek...err...*check* it out! :)
(Candy accepts Visa, MasterCard & Discover)
-All peeks subject to Federal & Local taxes.-


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 06, 1997 at 09:47:40 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I saw my first Regis & Kathie Lee this morning. Apparently my satellite providers feel that two blocks of wood wanking off about what their kids are doing is just what I need to see as I slump in the sofa with a black coffee and a fag on, feeling like a bag of shit with a knot tied in the middle, my hand stuck down the sides in a futile search for coins. Why the fuck do they have these happy-clappy nobends on in the morning? I demand to see people just as janked and pissed off as I...Imagine the news broadcasts...

"Yeah, er, oh where did I put the fucking papers..oh aye...(looks at script)...oh, you don't wanna know...some fuckers killing some other fuckers...the usual shit...Diana's going abroad again...bollocks to this, I need a shite"

Anyway, a few questions about those two ponces;

1) What are they ON?
2) Why do they bother?
3) Who gives a monkey's chuff?
4) Why hasn't someone shoved a broomstick up their arses?

Nishlord


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 06, 1997 at 12:19:15 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Graduation speech given by Kurt Vonnegut at MIT, June of 1997

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proven by
scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful with whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 06, 1997 at 14:39:26 (PDT)

Nish:

1) What are they ON?
Nothing. Show people are isolated, some more than others, leading to made-for-TV behavior that is not easily explained, especially with those two.

2) Why do they bother?
The money, and they just don't know any better.

3) Who gives a monkey's chuff?
Someone, somewhere, whom you would find even less desirable than those two, if that's possible.

4) Why hasn't someone shoved a broomstick up their arses?
Because they would enjoy it. Also, it was probably felt, at one time, that luring Kathie Lee's curmudgeonly husband into a well-publicized extramarital affair, and accusing her of exploiting sweatshop workers, would wipe that disgusting smile off her rapidly aging face. But TV plastic knows no flexibility, so on they go. Hopefully, someone will try your suggestion soon, and with tape rolling.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 06, 1997 at 17:14:19 (PDT)

I think Kurt Vonnegut talks out of his ARSE. If the man has fuck all to say in response to my Regis & Kathy questions, he can suck my fat white ringpiece and try and write a novel with a plot in it for a change.

Just an opinion, but it's MINE, so it's valid.

My graduation speech was given by some old bastard from a better university than mine, and I can't remember what he said - I was too busy reminding myself what a twat I looked in me gown and mortar board. Everytime I go back to me Mam's I see that fucking picture of me holding a white plastic tube with a ribbon on it, looking like a complete spack. You know what the worst is? If I get murdered tomorrow, THAT is the picture that'll be on the news and in the papers. So instead of people mourning my demise, and thinking what a magnificent example of the human race I probably was (and a tip-top shag to boot) they'll be pissing theirselves laughing at this mong in a Billy Bunter outfit. *sigh*.....

Nishlord, terribly, terribly pissed, not that you'd noticed


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 06, 1997 at 22:31:37 (PDT)

I must say I loved Kurt Vonnegut speech. From here on out I vow to wear sunscreen, not be reckless with other people's heart, and to dance in my living room every chance I get. The third I do all the time anyway.
Nishy...if you get murdered tomorrow, I promise to send your pic from the wank factory to all the papers.
~Wishing I knew a fancy HTML sign off.....Angela


A Butter Patty from: S}{0CK
on Wednesday, August 06, 1997 at 23:15:13 (PDT)

AMISH TOP FIVEŠ


From the home offices in Goodtown, Pennsylvania
Top Five Ways to get Fitz in the sack....
#5 Tell him your Rob...
#4 Put on a monkey suit and tell him to touch you...
#3 Five words.... Glow in the Dark Condom
#2 Tell him you like his "Pepperoni"

and the number one way to get Fitz in the sack....
Put on a sheep suit and baaaaaaaaaaaaaa


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 07, 1997 at 12:50:27 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Um...luna....yer goat's loose again. Found her in my GuestBook this morning. Yikes!
*Most Concerned*
-TheCandster :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 07, 1997 at 19:25:49 (PDT)

Dammit!!!! That hellspawn of a goat was standing on the roof of my car this afternoon!! I approached her and noticed a funny look in her eye.. (the same look Fitzie gets when "Body by Jake" comes on TV) Sensing immiment danger..I immediately enlisted the proud members of the Pennsylvania State Police to remove her from her perch. Sadly...she seemed to enjoy the doughnut pelting and they left disgruntled and somewhat hungry....Now here I am hiding in my shack like Andrew Cunanan sans houseboat and bodycount...Guess I'm going to have to call the fat people next door after all...

****extremely embittered and somewhat afraid*****
Raven



A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 08, 1997 at 03:58:01 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I don't wish to be a gossip...but have you seen the state of that bloke Princess Di's knocking off?


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 08, 1997 at 18:05:52 (PDT)

Just thought I'd drop a little note to my fellow rakians. Hope you're all having a fab summer (keep that sunscreen on hand--makes a good lube)
Thanks to everyone that dropped me a personal note. I miss you all!! :)
lisa


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 09, 1997 at 18:40:37 (PDT)

Hey all you amish types! :o)
Man, I havn't posted here in ages.. ah well.. I been missin all you folks as of late, but alas, business is business, and it's almost done! I've released the site that I've been working on, and much to doc's assumed annoyance, I give you,

The Link!

So give it a looksie and lemme know what you all think. hopefully i'll be able to visit the barn a bit more often in the very near future.

{{{{{{All Y'all}}}}}}

BillyZ
"Hey... You never know!"


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 09, 1997 at 19:35:27 (PDT)

Amused annoyance? I don't give a shit, I thought the reason we never saw EJ any more was she didn't want to be in a channel with you. At least now I know who was telling her all kinds of shit about me, which was constantly regurgitated back at me through msgs. Thanks Billy! Couldn't pick up the stones, btw.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 09, 1997 at 22:07:04 (PDT)

ummm regurgitation has never been one of my strong points doc, i think ya gots the wrong guy again.

all i have to say is.. "hey.. money is money" nuff said


BillyZ


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 10, 1997 at 13:41:24 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I went through great turmoil to capture this wav (I had to pack the VCR upstairs), it's only 38k or so and I'm sure you'll all like it. Enjoy.

Doc


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 10, 1997 at 15:48:31 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Hi everyone! Forgive me Candy and Raven for the mischief that my deat Flossie has caused. I have been busy at work on my web site. Check it out!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 10, 1997 at 15:49:45 (PDT)

What the heck is a deat???


A Butter Patty from: Posey
on Sunday, August 10, 1997 at 16:43:34 (PDT)

HEYYYY!!!!! I'm in an internet cafe!!!! Johnny99 is sitting right next to me on another computer
We're having much fun...i was groped by a cab driver, we got real drunk, we went to a clothing store where there was a live DJ, our hotel caught on fire this morning and the firefighters ended up singing "Did you ever know that you're my hero..." to me cause I poured water out the window on it (it was Johnny's idea, since he could smell the fire thru our window, but I gladly took credit), I met the man I will marry (yes, yet another one...and this one's name is...KEN! fancy that!), our cab driver (the groper) turned the wrong way down the one way street and steph's brother and his girlfriend and I (who have become very wonderful friends of mine) were all nearly killed...oh, and soooo much more!!! LOL...it's fun...wish some more of you could be here...kinda sick we're in an internet cafe...we decided it might be a nice respite...well, that and I kinda goaded Johnny into it...he thought it was too far away...but I doubt you care so much about that. Good fun. One more nite here, then tomorrow, and then it's back to my house for a bit of rest or something. Oh. And none of us has turned psychotic and serial killer yet. We shall see if that happens to stay the same.............


Posey


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 11, 1997 at 02:56:07 (PDT)

Sorry to burst any bubbles out there, but it seems that the Vonnegut speech was a filthy dirty hoax, and the man is NOT pleased. According to the papers over here, he said "So some jerk infected the Internet with an outright lie. It shows how easy it is to do and how credulous people are".

It also says his favourite person is Nancy Reagan. Surely that must be a hoax as well...

Nishlord


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 11, 1997 at 07:57:02 (PDT)

Yup..I had forwarded that Vonnegut speech, only to be innundated with responses that read:
He didn't right this!! Check out wired @
http://www.wired.com/news/news/culture/story/5762.html

So there you go.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 11, 1997 at 11:09:41 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Ok....I kept my mouth shut...fingers idle when the "alleged" Vonnegut commencement speech was posted here in the Churn. Wish I would have piped up sooner. The actual "speech" was a column written by a fellow Chicago journalist and much admired peer, Mary Schmich. It ran in the Chicago Tribune...I enjoyed it immensely when I read it way back in June. It amazes me that people who are in the paper trade..now or in another professional lifetime, fail to check their sources. Just goes to show ya....don't believe MOST of what you see on the Net. Just enjoy what ya do see on face value. If it adds to your life in a positive vein....you've gained. If it pisses you off...your intellectual senses have been challenged. Now that'sentertainment with a kick! :)
-The Candster


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 11, 1997 at 13:23:55 (PDT)

Yeah, but remember - I said it first...


A Butter Patty from: Candy-O
on Monday, August 11, 1997 at 16:33:37 (PDT)

Gee Nish....if Mary Schmich had said "Yeah, but remember - I said it first"......this whole Vonnegut incident would have been a lot more interesting to follow, eh? :)

NOT keeping score...cuz it's pointless... :)
Candy


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 11, 1997 at 16:41:57 (PDT)

Wise words, Candy - but it doesn't detract one iota from the fact that, I, Nishlord, said it first.

Thank you.

Nishlord, who said it first, actually


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, August 12, 1997 at 12:20:50 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Canster:

You would've been less amazed if you'd remembered that I was in ADVERTISING, not EDITORIAL. (We were paid to make stuff up.)

...have an "editorially accurate and properly sourced" day :0)


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, August 12, 1997 at 12:36:01 (PDT)

I'll admit that I have virtually no idea what's going on here...so I'll just do what I do best. (sit here and look cute :) )

Raven


A Butter Patty from: Candy-O
on Tuesday, August 12, 1997 at 13:13:21 (PDT)

SHRUG
-The Candster


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, August 12, 1997 at 15:04:02 (PDT)

AIEEEEE! The Martians are invading! The Martians are invading! Orson Welles just said it on the radio, so it must be true...

Nishlord, the shit-stirring little bleeder


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 13, 1997 at 04:48:28 (PDT)

But ANYWAYYYY...I got me a free AOL account the other day, and immediately checked the chatrooms out. Ignoring the UK area I piled into the US rooms, and got this message...

"A word of warning about Chat on the US system: our friends across the water are considerably more sensitive about rude words than we are. They don't have Page 3, and the anglo-saxon you'll find in the Sunday papers is probably illegal in some states! This also means that you'll find American Guides much stricter than our own cuddly UK guides. So basically, when in a US Chat room please mind your language, or you'll get into trouble, and that'd never do, would it?

You prissy FUCKERS...

Fucking Bastard Nishlord


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 15, 1997 at 11:07:06 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Flashback: 20 years ago to this day. I was young. I was cute. I was blissfully unaware that within 24 hours...this life would dramatically change. I was probably counting spare change to buy a new lipstick...or nickel bag. Can't recall. On this day, 20 years ago, The King was still alive. His Kingdom was still Rockin.(Stay tuned for yet ANOTHER timely Flashback.)
-The Candster


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 15, 1997 at 16:04:01 (PDT)

FLESHBACK: 20 years ago to this day, I was young, life was awkward, I was blissfully unaware that within MINUTES my life was hormonically about to change. I was counting all the nude pigmy's in a National Geographic and GETTING to know myself a LITTLE better. Can recall, on this day 20 years ago Puberty was ALIVE, my Hand was Still Rockin. (Stay tuned for yet ANOTHER timely FLESHBACK.)

The Fitzman


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 15, 1997 at 17:01:00 (PDT)

Switch: Thursday, August 16th, 1977

Master Nishlord is a nine year old slip of a lad aged nine, spending the summer holidays at his Grandpas. I used to love going there for me holidays, cos there was plenty of space to play Subbuteo (a table soccer game where you had to flick the little footballers about), and they had bags and bags of mini Marathons (what you know as Snickers). Anyway, before I went to bed, I always used to put me pyjamas on, sit on me Grandpa's knee, and watch the News At Ten, which I used to love cos me Grandpa would call Margaret Thatcher a stupid evil bitch. He was right. My Grandpa was always right.


Anyway, halfway through the broadcast, the phone rang. Alistair Burnett (famed throughout the land for licking the arse of the Royal Family) picked it up. Then he put it down.

"We've just recieved news that Elvis Presley, the Rock n' Roll singer (obviously as opposed to Elvis Presley the chip shop owner from Skegness), has died in Memphis. They'll be more details as soon as we get them."


Now, one thing you should know about The King and my own dear country; Here, Elvis was (and still is) a God. As Albert Goldman said. "Unlike the United States, where Elvis was merely a symbol of triumph over the last restraints of the Permissive Generation, in Britain he spoke of a more profound yearning; the desires to cast off the shackles of the oppresive caste system. To English working class boys he was virtually a messanic figure because his legend proclaimed: 'One day a lorry driver and the next - The King!'". Well, my dad was (and still is) a lorry driver, and he worshipped Elvis - even to this day, when I'm in the pub with him, he'll rise from his chair, hunch over, start to clap his hands and sing "WEEEELLLLLL since MAH bay-BEE left ME, I've found A new PLACE ta DWELLLL". My best mate's dad has a full set of Elvis plates on the wall over the fireplace. The only thing I can remember about Silver Jubilee Day (supposedly the most important day in a British person's life - similar to the Bicentennial) is my Dad and the next door neighbour sprawled on the settee singing Hound Dog. There is a Chinese restaurant io the Old Kent Road that I will take all of you to one day called Gracelands, where the restauranteur called Paul Chan dresses up in a white catsuit and sings the King's songs very badly. There's also an Indian restaurant in Cardiff that does the same thing - the owner calls himself Patelvis. I can't stress this enough - the man was a god.

Anyway, there I was, in shock. Then the phone rings again. The newsreader picks it up. And puts it down. "We've just heard that Elvis Presley might not be dead... we'll get confirmation as soon as we can"

Looking back on it now, it was like an episode of the Wonder Years, for it was the first time in my life that I worried about my Dad. "Your Dad'll be crying into his pint tonight, Our Al" said me Nana.

I went to bed, and for the only time in my life, I prayed that he would live. Next day, I woke up to hear the radio blaring 'Crying In The Chapel', and for some bizarre reason, I took this to mean that Elvis was still alive and they were celebrating.

Face it, kids, what happened 20 years ago today was our generation's Kennedy shooting...but it was more important, really, wasn't it?

TCB,

Nishlord, a hunka-hunka burning love


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 16, 1997 at 09:19:05 (PDT)

Okay, time for me to blurt my previously-untold take on Elvis' death.

I was 19 (do the math, you jerks) and working in a record & tape shipping warehouse in northeast Portland. The company was Lieberman Enterprises, and we supplied records & tapes to drug & department stores who wanted to have a tiny record & tape department handled by an outside source. Our area was mostly rural, consisting of Idaho, Montana, Colorado, Wyoming and parts of other western states. So, we shipped a lot of Country & Western crap.

Nobody seems to remember this, but Elvis was considered a Country artist through his last years. The people who bought his records were the same people who enjoyed the major Country artists of the time, mostly Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Dolly Parton, Mel Tillis and the like. So Elvis' records were always listed on the Country charts in Billboard Magazine. Elvis wasn't really doing anything new at this point. His "new releases" were either yet another compilation of previously released recordings, or "live" stuff. I remember shipping a new "live" Elvis album during my stint there, a double-album with a recent photo of The King on the cover in all his obese, jump-suited glory.

Anyway, we shipped quite a bit of Elvis, from new releases like the one above to old, weird records on obscure labels, some for as little as $2.49! On the day Elvis died, I remember shipping some of those old wierd records and thinking "Boy, someone is going to snatch this right up".

Indeed they did. Demand for Elvis product -- ANY Elvis product -- went throught the roof. Within a week, we had to make a special section of the warehouse, consisting of about 1/3 of our floor space, that was nothing but Elvis product! For me, an underpaid shipping/receiving clerk in a record & tape warehouse, it was fucked.

Months later, I got fired.


Doc


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 16, 1997 at 09:49:00 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Flashback: 20 years ago today. I was workin in the Sweat Shop. (pre-Kathy Lee, so we didn't have the perks she gave 'her kids") The dj on the radio said Elvis was dead and made a joke about the King od'ing in the can! I laughed. My co-worker went into hysterics when the News Service verified the info...and I had to call her dad to come 'n get her cuz she was too hysterical to work! There were puffy eyes everywhere I looked - for endless weeks! Did I ever tell you my cousin Dee threw her panties onstage from her front row seat at an Elvis concert? (Thin Elvis. Early 60's.) Check out my Tribute to the King at my Web Site. (link above)
TCB....Candy-O has Left the Building!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 16, 1997 at 11:07:04 (PDT)

FLASHBACK: 20 years ago today, I was playing hopscotch in the street, pony-tails bouncing around, trying to figure out why all the grown ups on TV were STILL crying about the fat guy being dead.
Understanding a little better now, Frac


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 17, 1997 at 10:55:49 (PDT)

wow, 20 years ago.....hm... I was just a little cutie pie. Just on my way to starting first grade. *sigh* The good old years...not a care and a guaranteed bedtime of 8:00pm.
I also had no idea who the hell Elvis was. My parents were in to the Kingston Trio, Simon and Garfunkel, Neil Diamond, etc. (yike!) I'm sorry to say I know all the words to Dionne Warwick's Golden Hits album.
Do you know the way to San Jose......
lisa


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 17, 1997 at 12:51:55 (PDT)

Hey didnt the Kingston Trio do that song about the boy who "fell into the well...fell into the well...fell into the deep dark well?" His name was so long that he ended up drowning before anyone could say his name. Wonderful childhood song. I think that it was that song, and being raised by a cop that made me turn out the way I am today. *Shiver*
Angela


A Butter Patty from: rikitikitevyanosarrevyasharivarirushitikverrytevya
on Monday, August 18, 1997 at 07:06:35 (PDT)

help. I think I'm stuck in a well...either that or I'm in my office cubicle.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 18, 1997 at 07:12:13 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

FLASHBACK: Four years ago, I was a strapping young lad, about 30 pounds heavier than I am today, and I was still sitting on the can, after overdosing on No-Doz, and singing "All shook up."



I have no freakin clue as to where I was planning on taking that...so I'll just give up. And, Nish,We're all so sensitive to your rude words that I'll have to ask you to watch your fucking language.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 18, 1997 at 09:52:28 (PDT)

You know those moments when you're sat in front of the monitor, and you just want to add something to the Churn that will send us all off down a new avenue of self-exploration, that will help to bring us closer together, that will amuse or infuriate, provoke, and, yes, even arouse, and you can't think of a single fucking thing to say? I'm feeling that way right now...

Er...oh yeah, my Dad's got a glass eye, and when he goes into a transport caff with a new and inexperienced driver's mate, he'll stick it into the other bloke's porridge when he's not looking.

Has anyone got/had a more embarrasing parent? Yes, let's have a competition. First Prize...erm...(looks around the office) this blow-up doll of some ugly prat who plays for Man United. That'll do.

Nishlord>, who got out of that quite nicely, I think


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 18, 1997 at 09:59:33 (PDT)

Oh, and going back a bit: how can ANYONE be embarrassed to know the words to Dionne Warwick's Greatest Hits? I know 'em all, and I'm not ashamed to sing "The moment I wake up, before I put on my make-up" on the balcony at 2am. Dionne'd be well fucked off if she knew that she shares space on my record shelf with NWA and Cypress Hill, though...


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 20, 1997 at 14:04:25 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Hello! Not online as of yet:( Taking a break from homework in the computer lab. I miss all you crazy people!! Hope to see ya soon at the fight!


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 20, 1997 at 21:00:55 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Go hunt for ghosts at that link...and who's coming to Redding to help me move??? Just think...you can drive a U-Haul allll the way to LA...with me beside ya, telling ya stories and singing you songs, and doing whatever folks do when they're alone in a car together on a long trip.....I'm certain I'll get tons of interested parties, so don't be surprised if I have to have ya all draw straws...


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 20, 1997 at 21:00:57 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Go hunt for ghosts at that link...and who's coming to Redding to help me move??? Just think...you can drive a U-Haul allll the way to LA...with me beside ya, telling ya stories and singing you songs, and doing whatever folks do when they're alone in a car together on a long trip.....I'm certain I'll get tons of interested parties, so don't be surprised if I have to have ya all draw straws...


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 21, 1997 at 03:53:45 (PDT)

"doing whatever folks do when they're alone in a car together on a long trip"? Lemme think....be sick, argue over the radio, spill fag ash over each other, piss into empty beer bottles, drink by mistake piss-filled beer bottles, get snappy with each other, push each other about, stab each other...er, I think I'll pass on this one...no matter how many time you ask...:)

Nishlord


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 21, 1997 at 13:30:12 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Um..posey - you're sounding kinda redundant. And you're sounding kinda redundant, too. Did I mention that you're sounding redundant? Well..If I could find a word for how you sounded.......


Nish! I wanna win! (although I'm not sure why) - But my parents certainly aren't that embarrassing. When my mom ends up doing time for computer piracy - I'll get back to you , though.


A Butter Patty from: bonkeydalls
on Thursday, August 21, 1997 at 13:33:44 (PDT)

I forgot to add the fact that Posey was sounding repetitive.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 22, 1997 at 11:54:58 (PDT)

ummm, justr checking, but... I'm not the only one without a life right?

ok.. just making sure :o)



BillyZ


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 22, 1997 at 13:52:55 (PDT)

No life?!?! We *ARE* you life, hun.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 23, 1997 at 13:16:07 (PDT)

Speaking of things to do on long car rides.....
Has anyone else ever played Padiddle? You know...when a car in the opposing traffic lane has only one headlight working? Everyone hits the roof of the car and says "padiddle" and the last person to hit the roof has to remove an article of clothing. Something like that, anyway....or have I just been playing it wrong? ;)
lisa


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 24, 1997 at 05:16:24 (PDT)

Ahoy! It's Bank Holiday Weekend here, and also the biggest street party in Europe, the Notting Hill Carnival, where the black population all dress up in butterfly costumes 50 ft high, blast out Reggae and Hip Hop in the street, while all us Whiteys stand by, smoke spliff in the street, and watch with envy. I'm going tomorrow, but first, there's something called a Dracula Party going on at the Hippodrome (a huge and very naff nightclub in Leicester Square) today, and I'm on the guest list! Hurrah! Probably the first time I'm going to a club and hoping I DON'T get sucked off in the toilets...

Oh, and the hunt for the Naughty Nurses of Shoreditch was a complete washout...we were frogmarched out of the hospital by security...but my mad acquiantance made a full taped confession about something he did with his nob as a teenager (sorry, too crude for even me to say here), and I was introduced to hotknives and The Meters, so in all, a fine day.

Be Lucky,

Nishlord


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 24, 1997 at 20:48:30 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Hey. Yeah, me again...and again. Dammit all. I have no idea why when I post, it posts at LEAST twice...*and* it won't put my picture up. There's a conspiracy. It's part of Doc's master plan to sabotage me. DOC...I WON'T GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT!!!!! Or maybe it's Billy...yeah, that's probably it...he was probably bribed by Rob, who is secretly in love with my ex-boyfriend, whom he CLAIMS is gay. I, for one, believe it is just wishful thinking...and with me out of the way, he could have Ken allllll for his sweet lil self...





...to be continued





Posey


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, August 26, 1997 at 00:09:55 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Doc's Mac Browser Review, written while drunk (surprise!)

I have spent the last two weeks testing Internet Explorer 3.0 and Netscape Navigator 4.01 for the Mac, so I thought I'd pass these thoughts along to the other poor bastard Mac users.

My usual browser is Netscape 3.0, so that is what I am comparing them to.

Browser:

Internet Explorer:
The browser is basically indiscernible from Navigator 3.0, except that I can't get the flash-update baseball scores from my beloved Mariners site because of a lack of Java support. I guess it's coming though. And IE is stable.

Navigator 4.01:
Same as Navigator 3.0 except it has an easier path to newsgroups, fucks up GIF files (it dithers them horribly!), and crashes daily, which is about twice as often as 3.0.


E-mail:

Internet Explorer:
IE finally has an e-mail client as good as Navigator 3.0.

Navigator 4.01:
Has an e-mail client that adds filters! Now, at last, I can auto-delete any replies from the dorks whom I send to www.amishrakefight.org/gfy! And the bugs when sending an attached file in 3.0 are no longer present!


Newsgroups:

Internet Explorer:
Completely sucks at this. For me, it opens an ancient newsgroup app of mine I happened to have sitting on my hard drive! It also opens its own newsgroup client at the same time. To add to the confusion, it will only give me the very first message in a newsgroup and no other. Other Mac users have told me they experienced the same thing. Worse than nothing!

Navigator 4.01:
No breakthroughs here, but it works!


So anyway, I am now using Navigator 4.0, despite the horror it inflicts on GIF files and the daily crash, which is at least very specific: It crashes when I am trying to grab a menu after running it for several hours. The cursor just disappears. Boom! Time to push the old reset button. Navigator 3.0 suffers from many different types of crashes, most of which won't bring down the whole computer. You can usually restart Navigator 3.0 like nothing happened. Anyway, if they fix this one bug in Navigator 4.01, it looks like they may actually have a stable browser! That would be weird.

Doc, who has secret evidence that Posey herself is gay


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, August 26, 1997 at 10:18:14 (PDT)

Ken? Isn't he Barbie's knock-off? Posey's gonna be SO disappointed when she finds out you can't get his keks off...


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 27, 1997 at 11:18:42 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Treatment anyone?


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 28, 1997 at 12:38:44 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

NITERAVEN

E mail me!!!!!!

I am still waiting for the college techs to fix the internet system!!!!

Have you ever surfed the web text only????? It sux!!!


A Butter Patty from: SuperGeek
on Friday, August 29, 1997 at 00:51:14 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Special News Bulletin....
Amish Times. Dalnet, USA


mIRC 5.1 Released
Today it was announced that the new mIRC, version 5.1, was released onto the net. anyone who would like to dowload the latest version of mIRC can go here and fight and claw to get a good download from one of their shitty servers.

OR... Click HERE (32 bit version) and download it from my page. I'll keep this file up until September 5, then I'll take it down. It looks pretty good, so download it and give it a try.

S}{0CK



A Butter Patty from: That Fuck-Up
on Friday, August 29, 1997 at 01:06:58 (PDT)

Oh BLOODY HELL!!!! WTF did I do to it THIS time????



A Butter Patty from: I once saw a troll eat a smurf
on Saturday, August 30, 1997 at 12:07:54 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Wow, who the hell are these people? Does anyone here remember me?
This is Timmy, by the way.
Aw, f that, I don't know what I'm doing.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 30, 1997 at 16:40:51 (PDT)

HELLO
I just thought I'd let everyone know I'm still alive. Still computerless I"m afraid. :(
lisa


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