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A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 01, 2001 at 18:48:57 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

i'm
king of the hill
a #1
top of the heap


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 02, 2001 at 20:52:34 (PDT)

heap of what???


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 03, 2001 at 09:38:12 (PDT)

Looks more like a pile than a heap ;)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 03, 2001 at 14:44:06 (PDT)

Shouldn't it of been...I am king of the world..... then we all would not be so hesitant to be under this big steaming bowl of heap all month long.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 05, 2001 at 10:57:00 (PDT)

I didn't want to do this...but I guess I have to I declare this dirty limmerick month on the churn
Ill start
There once was a man named Mort
Whose dick was decidedly short.
When he climbed into bed
His ladyfriend said,
"That's not a dick it's a wart."

OR

There was a young fellow named Menzies,
Whose kissing sent girls into frenzies,
But a virgin one night
Crossed her legs in a fright,
And fractured his bi-focal lenses.



A Butter Patty from: beffy
on Sunday, August 05, 2001 at 17:54:29 (PDT)

There once was a man from Peru
Who fell asleep in his canoe
There he dreampt of Venus
Who sucked on his penis
& Woke up with a handful of goo.


A Butter Patty from: Donald Retcherson
on Monday, August 06, 2001 at 01:53:30 (PDT)

There once was a man from Iran

Who took my car and was gone

He smashed into trees

And sank in the seas

But ne'er he did doughnut my lawn






A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 06, 2001 at 02:29:16 (PDT)

There once was a man from Nantucket
....
someone else can finish it


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 06, 2001 at 06:10:51 (PDT)

hmmmm a limerick with a nod to lawn jobs...
ohhh the judges are impressed indeed


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 06, 2001 at 13:21:04 (PDT)

There once was a pirate (the story relates)
Who liked to go dancing on roller skates.
He fell on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And virtually useless on dates.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 06, 2001 at 19:15:10 (PDT)

why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
because it was dead!

why did the little girl fall of the swing?
because she had no arms!

why don't cannibals eat clowns?
because they taste funny!

whats black and white black and white black and white?
three nuns!

oh my god i kill me. heheheheheeeee


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 08, 2001 at 17:35:31 (PDT)

There once was a man from Van Nuyses
Who had balls of two different sizes.
And one was so small
It was no ball at all --
But the other won several prizes.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 11, 2001 at 17:14:21 (PDT)

A woman from South Carolina
Placed fiddle strings 'cross her vagina
With the proper size cocks
What was sex became Bach's
Tocatta and fugue in D minor.



A Butter Patty from: Puzzled
on Saturday, August 11, 2001 at 18:03:42 (PDT)

That's a pretty hetero-sounding limerick for a gay teletubby.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 11, 2001 at 18:22:29 (PDT)

ATENTION:

Walmart now has orange crush in bottles!

wooooooooooooooo!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 11, 2001 at 22:28:54 (PDT)

Dear Puzzled,
Jerry Falwell can suck my tinky winky


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 13, 2001 at 01:18:49 (PDT)

"Dear Puzzled,
Jerry Falwell can suck my tinky winky"

Now that is the gay teletubby we all know and love.



A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, August 14, 2001 at 20:17:47 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

There was a young man from the wilds of west Texas

Who thought that his cock was the Great Causal Nexus

He followed it North

Where in joy it spews forth

Little Wally thinks every day is like Xmas



A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, August 14, 2001 at 20:22:53 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

My dick is a weapon of passion

He is not a victim of fashion

Wally doesn't mind dirt

And a tight fit won't hurt

But be patient, you'll all get your ration


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 15, 2001 at 05:26:32 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

You have to look at this site. It was referred to me by a guy who won't post at the Ranch any longer because of me changing his posts and linking them to kiddieporn material and making mouse-over jesus/penis pics on his editorial ideas. It is priceless.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 16, 2001 at 04:44:13 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

the site was a parody. boy, am I a dumbass


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 17, 2001 at 17:20:18 (PDT)

hey Lord FlashHeart, I heard Slayer is touring Australia right now...

I actually got some "email humor" from somebody named Nigel in Australia... pardon me if I don't laugh, or even read it


A Butter Patty from: Oxsan
on Sunday, August 19, 2001 at 12:16:40 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I was engaged today in ye olde optics shoppe in what my French friends (and my more abundant french enemies) might call a tracasserie or as Tennyson called it "a rift within the lute " of life. It all started over my need for a new pair of reading glasses. I detest bifocals for a number of reasons, some too delicate to go into in this forum, so I use two seperate pair of glasses---long distance and reading. Having been poorly treated the last time I bought glasses at Walmarts implanted optics shop I decided to go to the local non -affiliated, un-malled , run-by-your-friends-and-neighbors optics shop.

I walked in and told the lady beside the desk that I needed two pair of glasses, one for reading and one for long distance vision which were adequately defined for technical personnel by the two perscriptions I held in my hand--which were themselves marked "long distance vision only" and "reading only". She didn't even look at them, but asked "have you been here before?"

"No, ma.am" I replied adopting my current cover of obsequious servant.

"Then you'll have to fill these out", she said as she chewed her gum.

"Why is that, ma'am?" I asked, as I looked at the four pieces of paper, "I'm gonna pay cash so what do you want with my social security number and all this insurance information. My insurance doesn't pay for glasses."

"Your going to pay cash?" she asked in disbelief " For two pair of glasses?"

"Yes, ma'am, I a'am"

"Well we still have to have this information." She looked around furtively then leaned forward and whispered "We don't really know who you are, do we?"

"I am Charles Turrentine, ma'am, and if you wanta check who I am I have a passport out in the truck and I am going to pay you in cash with pictures of U.S. Grant and Alexander Hamilton on it."

"Now Mr. Turpentine you just sit down right over there and take this pen and fill out the forms for me. "

So I did. She was very sweet and pleased when I returned with the four pages of financial and credit information which she skimmed over and said "Now Mr Turpentine, you failed to fill out your work phone number and your place of employment".

"I'm retired"

"Oh, I see. Now let's see these prescriptions from Dr. Bronkowski. Here she leaned forward and confided, "You know we have our OWN optometrist here in the shop."

"Yes , I know"

"Oh, but you haven't been here before?"

"Not as a customer, but I brought my mother here once. As a matter of fact she died shortly after leaving your office here"

"Well, I see. Well lets look at these prescriptions. HMMMMM! Mr Turpentine you do know that one of these perscriptions is out of date--we can't fill it because it has expired. It is the one for your reading glasses and it has a date of 1-7-00 which is more than a year ago obviously it has expired".

"What about the other one?"

"Well the other one has no date on it at all so we can just assume that Dr. Bronkowski failed to put todays date on it and we will fill that in for him".

"Then just assume that Dr. Bronkowski made an error on the other prescription and put another date on it."

She smiled patronizingly, "Now Mr. Turpentine, you know we can't do that". She pulled herself up proudly, "That would be against the law".

"What law?"

"There is a state law that forbids us from filling a prescription more than one year old.-------It is for your own good you know."

"I don't believe it. Do you know that the prescription for the glasses I am wearing was written in 1980?"

She sucked in her breath like an elevator full of Japanese business men. "Surely you are joking"

It was like that all day. I asked the lady to shred the info I had given her and I told her, "I work for an agency of the United States Government, and that information you have on me must not fall into the wrong hands. I won't trust you to shred it--hand it here. Blood may be flowing in foreign capitols already"

So I have to either change the date on the prescription or go get another eye exam. We have too much government.



A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, August 19, 2001 at 15:24:26 (PDT)

Kafka-esque, yet touching... (snif)...


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 20, 2001 at 14:21:17 (PDT)

If he added in starving children in China, South American or Apalachia it would of moved me even more. Perhaps the plight of those trying to see in America is full enough for me after all. Naw...... a good poke in the eye would have been the ticket.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, August 21, 2001 at 23:06:37 (PDT)

i feel moved......... FRAAAAPPPPPPPP!!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 23, 2001 at 20:12:02 (PDT)

Shocko, I don't know what happened to ya, but I saw that your nick had lapsed and I registered it. E-mail me for the password.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 25, 2001 at 03:44:21 (PDT)

Happy Birthday to ME
heheh
Kurt, I have all cement lawn ornament type email addresses blocked automatically, humourous or not.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 25, 2001 at 16:13:25 (PDT)

Happy birthday to Lord the soon to be daddy!!!!!!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, August 25, 2001 at 22:50:23 (PDT)

Crap! I miss everything! Happy belated B/D LORD!


Scott is a missing person. Wonder if he and johno eloped?????


A Butter Patty from: DJ Jazzy Jerkov
on Saturday, August 25, 2001 at 23:31:34 (PDT)

Hip Hop Happnin B-Day to the utmostest FleshHarp DJ Daddy-Lord!


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, August 27, 2001 at 12:37:48 (PDT)

Boo! I'm bored at work. and thought -- I wonder if the ARF gang has been thrown in jail yet. . . .-- guess naut.

Peace.

Ehcin


A Butter Patty from: Dave...Yes THAT Dave
on Wednesday, August 29, 2001 at 00:44:47 (PDT)

Okay, let's see...

There one was a man from somewhere,
Who did something...and then he did something else...shit.

Okay, wait.

There once was a man from the moon,
Whose farts would make anyone swoon,
uhhh...something that rhymes with Neptune.

Man, I'm not very good at this.

Nevermind.


A Butter Patty from: Dave again
on Wednesday, August 29, 2001 at 01:26:47 (PDT)

Just for the benefit of anyone who might be confused...that was my own little attempt at a limerick, for "Limerick Month," which hasn't been going on since the 14th, I understand...I just felt moved to create something (other than poop) since it's been a long long, long time since I visitied the Fight or the Churn...I guess I just got carried away with all the emotions swelling up within my breast. Hmm...I could probably write an entire novel or two about things swelling up in my man-breasts, but I'll spare myself (and everyone else) that particular indignity.

It's probably readily apparent that there's no real aim to this post...(or really any other post I've ever thrown up in here)...I'd just like to remark on three things, if I may.

1) The progression of the technology (and engineering) from way back in 97 to the current point is just astonishing, and I think deserving of a great big shout-out to Doc and everyone else who threw down for hours on end to tweak the HTML so that you can actually write and have your writings come out as somewhat natural without having to line break every six words so that your post doesn't scroll off the edge of the page, on into infinity.

b) As many posts as I make, as many times as I visit this page without posting, as many aborted posts as I've concieved in the middle of the night...I STILL can't get over the hypnotic in-and-out motion of that stick! Oh MAN does it ever turn me on...I could watch that shit for hours...in....out....oooooooooh.
Ooooooooooooooooooh.

3) Talking like a pirate is awesome. Try it today! Call all of your friends "Matey" or "Lass," refer to all people you don't like as "Land Lubbers" or "Salty Sea Dogs," and most importantly, answer every single Yes/No question you are asked with either "Yarrr..." or "Narrr..." Nigh-on-infinite hours of amusement await.

Okay that's all...kiss kiss night night.

-mr_n


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, August 29, 2001 at 20:24:25 (PDT)

1. Thanks, but the only time anyone's post scrolled off the end of the page was when YOU typed a word that was like 400 letters long, or occasionally in one of Shocko's "experiments."

b. I know. I know.

3. Yarrrr.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 30, 2001 at 15:34:11 (PDT)

oh my god,

/me gives Sloth a buck to buy a clue

SO! I was going to join in the limerick festivities, but I can't really rhyme fer shit, so I was going to go steal something off the www like a true netizen. I found a link so apalling, I had to share:

http://www.aps.org/apsnews/limericks.html

aside from the horrible scientist humor (I actually laughed now that I work with scientists) I have a NEAT link you must see:

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/uploads/27000/27549_winrg.swf

HEY DAVE, HEY ECHIN!



A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, August 30, 2001 at 18:35:00 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

That is so fucked up. I was laughin my ass off for 30 minutes navigatin that thing. It works a little better than my OS, however.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 31, 2001 at 15:31:54 (PDT)

Does any one ever do the I am the last to post dance?


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, August 31, 2001 at 15:35:39 (PDT)

I dunno. I wonder if anyone even reads the last post.


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