April '99
As the worldChurns
The official BBS of Amish Rake Fight on the DALnet


Churn out a Post?


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 01, 1999 at 13:07:10 (PST)

Does this make me the April Fool?


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 01, 1999 at 17:07:08 (PST)

Ahhhh.. but you are a fool for all seasons!
;0)


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 01, 1999 at 18:13:29 (PST)
You should look at thisweb page.

The main purpose of this post.. Errrr really no purpose is the attached perverted URL.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 01, 1999 at 19:14:50 (PST)

CARL!


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 01, 1999 at 23:29:41 (PST)

Pooh porn...now that could take on a whole different meaning.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 02, 1999 at 09:49:55 (PST)

Pooh Porn?!? Someone hitting my webpage again? ;) Oh wait my LAZY AZZ hasn't made a home page:) GO ME!!!!!

Fitzie


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 02, 1999 at 13:52:28 (PST)

Fitzy if we were poking Pooh you would be more excited.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, April 03, 1999 at 21:44:29 (PST)

As the sexual act wore on, Linda said it grew gloriously tolerable, describing the experience as "endurable beyond my wildest dreams."


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 04, 1999 at 12:38:37 (PDT)

Am I going to get my hour back with interest in the fall?


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 04, 1999 at 19:15:49 (PDT)

You know, I'm damned tired of being pushed around. I put it all on the line today. I said, "The Man ain't gonna shove me round no more". I figure, it's my life and I'm calling the shots. I've been around the block a few times and here's a little piece of advice- Life is risky... it's no walk in the park... it can't always be "safe". Sometimes you just have to say "screw it", jump on out there and live on the edge. My friends, today I waited until EIGHT OCLOCK to set my clock ahead one hour. Yeah, you heard me right... eight PM! I hope that some of you can gain some courage and conviction from my wreckless act of defiance and prosper from it!


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 04, 1999 at 20:29:51 (PDT)

You go Ez!!!! Next year nine o'clock and then you will be moving to AZ where they don't even bother to change the clocks at all...The whole fucking state..think of it. It's mind boggling.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, April 05, 1999 at 06:04:30 (PDT)

Hey, I'm WAY past that now, EJ! I'm like crazy over the edge nuts. I might just move to AZ and actually observe daylight savings time!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, April 05, 1999 at 11:41:54 (PDT)

"April is the cruelest month." Discuss.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, April 05, 1999 at 13:47:46 (PDT)

I think April is the cruelest month because that's when the frogs fly north again, and the Doctors who specialize in diseases of the wealthy return from Florida. On the first clear days when the sleet and grimy snow begins to melt off the television newscasters, sometimes you can hear a faint small sound, like an impeachment manager's cellphone going off in the distance, an employment agency lining them up with a job selling small appliances or perhaps what remains of a once-promising future calling them up to say goodbye.

April is when the fur flies, as any otter will tell you, and the whales all come out to party because mother Nature brings out the most kick-ass plankton up by Alaska, which Eskimo maidens use to line their underclothing with in hopes of attracting new dogs for the team. One told me once (while I was waiting in line in a grocery store to buy tomatoes, feta cheese and vaseline for a greek salad) that their nipples burn like fire under the midnights sun, like vick's vapo-rub accidently applied in the dark instead of K-Y.

April is also when we have to pay our taxes.

Ed


A Butter Patty from: Wu-Tang Johnson
on Monday, April 05, 1999 at 14:10:13 (PDT)

Ain't no way no April be the cruelest month, mo-fo. Cruelest month be February. Listen ta me tell it:
Outside be cold. Can't be sellin no dope on the corner, on accounta cause de customers be stayin' inside. You hang where it be freezin' and the man drive by, he gwine know why you be chillin' on the corner. Can't be knifin' whitey and grabbin' his flow, cause de mufucka be up skiin' or he be down with his winter homeboys in Florida or Arizona. An' I don't be doin' no skiin'. Can't do no drive-by cause the niggas be holed up with they malt, watchin' BET or some damn thing.
April be de cruelest? Shee-it. Get out my face widdat shit.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, April 05, 1999 at 15:16:47 (PDT)

April is cruel because toads are dating loudly on top of my pool cover and in the end I will dump their efforts over the hill when the pool is once again opened on April 25th!!! Umm maybe it is cruel and good, kind of like pain and pleasure. My nipples burnt last month but only until the dog came home.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, April 05, 1999 at 18:06:41 (PDT)

!


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, April 05, 1999 at 18:38:55 (PDT)

let's be a bit more descriptive, luna.


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, April 05, 1999 at 20:12:55 (PDT)

The feta and vaseline should have been good enough Ez....I love Greek





salad


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, April 05, 1999 at 21:13:58 (PDT)

Look I'm gonna be sappy 4 a minute here guys.

My best friend from high school died on Friday. He was raised by a single mom on welfare, ended up going 2 Harvard, could play all sort of instruments, sing, dance, paint, and was an incredible friend. The fucking American dream. But he also liked 2 do heroin. He left a large group of people with a helluva lot of pain. So when u play with the fun stuff boys and girls, please be careful. He was only 29 years old. What a fucking waste.
Sorry 4 the lecture.
love2uall - Mayte


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 06, 1999 at 05:34:12 (PDT)

*fractious puts the fun stuff aside and bows her head in a moment of silence.*


A Butter Patty from: beenthere@donethat
on Tuesday, April 06, 1999 at 12:52:19 (PDT)

OK, if we're going to be serious here for a minute, I think this might piss some of you off. I'm going to stay anonymous because of that. About your friend, Mayte, I've really thought long and hard about it but I just don't care.

Now, let me explain before you get your panties in a bunch; if you don't know anybody who hasn't died of AIDS or DRUGS, then you truly are Amish and shouldn't have your computer set up in a secret little room, reading this.

A decade ago I might be truly sad and commiserate with your pain and sorrow and loss, now it just pisses me off. Anyone who has lost someone close to them from their own stubborn stupidity (and addiction is the ulimate in selfishness) knows what I'm talking about, and now you do too, Mayte.

That anger has eaten up a large portion of my life, but not anymore. Addicts are spectacular liars, because they practice on themselves. Making you think that you are making the difference, that they're going to quit just because you care is a real piece of cake to them, they enjoy it. But that betrayal eats away a certain part of you, and you'll never get it back. Call it love or trust or just common sense, it's gone. As many times as you beg, cajole or even kick their asses, they suck that gift right out of you and come back for more, and wind up with a head full of mush from "just one more". Then it kills them and takes part of you with them.

The 3rd or 4th time it happens, you start to understand that in their pathetic way, they've already told you to fuck off, and the only way to deal with that anger- for me anyway- is to say "fuck you too!" and write them off. It doesn't make me a monster. I don't do drugs, or even drink for that matter, so it just makes me human. I can understand how people go down that road, but I'll never understand why.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, I'll admit that I have a huge amount of sympathy for your loss, I've been there. I hope you understand that I don't care about another dead junkie because I don't dare let myself.

Let him go.



A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 06, 1999 at 14:07:47 (PDT)

/me changes the subject:

Goat's Milk in the doctor's office. Discuss.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 06, 1999 at 21:06:31 (PDT)

Goats milk soup......


A Butter Patty from: ditto
on Tuesday, April 06, 1999 at 21:38:24 (PDT)

I lost my first friend to dope in 1972. I think I felt exactly as you did then. The song you sing is a golden oldie. Junkies will be junkies- regardless of their family background, whether they went to harvard, dropped out of school or could or couldn't draw a straight line. I, like the person above, is way over feeling sorry for their weak, pathetic asses- and, boy, didn't they enjoy the pouring out of attention and concern while they were still with us- better than a fix itself. They just chose to escape, rather than deal with life... cowards, is a better word for them- or maybe they were, at best, dumbasses. It's unfortunate that they hurt newbies like yourself- people that haven't figured out yet that shit like that happens on a daily basis and life goes on. The only difference is that this time it just happened a little closer to home. I am now sympathetic for those that that are innocent victims of random misfortune, not those that understand the gravity of their actions and choose to do stupid shit anyway.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 07, 1999 at 06:26:32 (PDT)

Hey Dambit! I do stupid shit all the time! Guess that makes me a junky eh? ;o) Does this mean I can sign up for gov aid?

(oh shite.. i broke the law and used a smiley... see? more stupid shit)


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 07, 1999 at 07:06:47 (PDT)

You are, at best, a dumbass.

;o)


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 07, 1999 at 10:07:03 (PDT)

ummm.....
ok


A Butter Patty from: palefire,gif
on Wednesday, April 07, 1999 at 11:52:08 (PDT)

Regarding the bitter and sad responses to Mayte's post, I can only mutter a trite
aphorism once popularized by a certain carpenter who himself met a perhaps untimely
demise: "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Seems like good advice, no? Yeah, junkies,
addicts, drunks, and inebriates of all sorts are destructive, sad, doomed... but ease
up, guys. A person died, a person that someone we know cared about, and I have not
yet reached the state of misanthropy to think that it doesn't matter, or that "he
deserved it." Perhaps he caused his own death... but does that make him worthy of the
scorn being dished out? Maybe I am just feeling a bit defensive, as I haven't found a
way to live a perfect, flaw-free life, unlike our self-righteous and superior
posters. (On a self-righteous note, anonymous posts are kind of a cop-out, no? You
are already known to us with only a pseudonym, so what are you afraid of? You rail at
the junkie for not taking responsibility for his actions, but then you refuse to take
responsibility for your words. Whatta hypocrite.)
---PaleFire
(real name and address available up


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 07, 1999 at 15:58:32 (PDT)

Your last name is gif?

;0)


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 07, 1999 at 16:14:50 (PDT)

D'OH!


A Butter Patty from: doc,gis
on Wednesday, April 07, 1999 at 16:29:41 (PDT)

No, no.. it's an abbreviation. Girlfriend Is French, probably.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 07, 1999 at 22:26:07 (PDT)

My last name was gif in another life, I think or was that Jane Austin? I get so confused. I have to go soak in a nice goats milk bath to soften my skin as Cleopatra taught me in a life that was so full of fun, slaves and trips down the nile (no pun). Although the crocodile dung and honey cervical caps just were not as much fun as it sounded. But I digress or regress or may be I should just call up the Shirley Mclean hot line. I am lost in another life and can't get out!


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 08, 1999 at 06:23:52 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

EJ- I SELL goat's milk body and bath products... WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH MY LIFE!!!!
(Want a free sample? Low minimum opening order :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 08, 1999 at 19:07:17 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Hi kids,

Thought I'd leave an overlong post regarding server news whichaffects the illustrious amishrakefight.org server.

As you may know, the GFYsite on the amishrakefight.org server has become quite popular,averaging about 1500 hits/day lately, and in the past we havebeen up against its bandwidth limit (200 MB/day) from time totime, which shuts down the Churn for brief periods.

Well, my other domain, nwlaser.com, just switched to a "nobandwidth or storage limit" web host. This means I am ableto off-load the files that suck all the bandwidth from the amishrakefight.orgserver and put them on the nwlaser.com server.

So the point is, our bandwidth problems should be solved onceand for all. Probably. I hope.

(Shameless Plug part)
This also means I can expand Doc'sChat Sounds in an unlimited fashion, so I have redesignedthe whole site and even have credit at an advertising companythat will be broadcasting the banner ad below to other websites.So this is the big advertising kick-off for the newly redesignedDoc's Chat Sounds. Enjoy.Or, not.



A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 09, 1999 at 07:36:42 (PDT)

Olllllllllllllllllll
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

:)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 09, 1999 at 07:37:29 (PDT)

Ooooooooooooooooo that is :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 09, 1999 at 19:14:33 (PDT)

luna, is that your joy in Ez's bath products or just joy in general over things that make you go Ollll Ahhhhh!!!!!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 09, 1999 at 21:00:44 (PDT)

I have to say, knowing that Ez sells products featuring goat's milk does
move him up on my list :)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 09, 1999 at 22:08:00 (PDT)

Hi,

I know I'm a few days late, but I'm sorry for your loss, Mayte. I'm not sure when we all got so damn insensitive, but some of the posts directly following Mayte's were total bullshit, and I only wish that those cowards had posted their true names so that I didn't have to make a blanket appeal for compassion.

I've never lost a friend to drugs or AIDS, and I certainly am not amish, or live in a hole. Worldly views are dependent on perspective.

I love freedom of speech, but it seems that some people need to learn a little self-control in their mindless drivel.

That's all,

Hempy


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 09, 1999 at 22:56:54 (PDT)

what is wrong with mindless drivel? just because my mind is a wee bit smaller than most, does not mean that i don't have one at all. what is it with you people anyway? drivel just messes up my shirt a bit but it is nothing that a handtowel can't simply fix.

retards are people too!!!

mongolloyd

Quote of the week:
"Save a tree, eat a beaver"


A Butter Patty from: Storm
on Saturday, April 10, 1999 at 22:26:00 (PDT)

I was raised and baptized in the Old Order Amish church. I have never believed in anything else than our teachings. My neighbour showed me this room. I am, somewhat, confused. Have not you people from the world had enough fighting? Apparently not. This sight is nonsense. Amish rake fight? Really? Now where on earth have you seen that?

I know, you will have your justifications, - I who am AMISH will be condemned by you Englisha Leit - I know, I know - You Englisha think this to be very clever - however - and many other Amish Leit (people) are not laughing. Please remove your coarse "humour" elsewhere - and as for using a computer we are not trying to live in a century past. We also accept and emply some what you call "modern" things - our districts decide what will be detrimental as awhole to our particular district. Tus, tupperware, store-bought sheets, and machine-woven broad-cloth are not bad in themselves. They do not break down the moral fiber of our community.

I am informing other Amish people of this sight where you are using our name and our religion.


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, April 10, 1999 at 22:34:38 (PDT)

Ummm....are we supposed to be scared now?


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, April 10, 1999 at 23:53:42 (PDT)

That's "site", bucko. Have your lawyers call mine.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 11, 1999 at 01:46:41 (PDT)

We are not making fun of Amish. Nobody has anything but the utmost respect for the way you choose to live, and frankly I think people are envious that you have managed to base your lives around your families and your beliefs. "Amish Rake Fighting" is funny, only because we know that the idea of peace-loving people duking it out with rakes is a real hoot.

As it says in the Book of Deuteronomy; "Lighten up. Life's too short."


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 11, 1999 at 11:34:23 (PDT)

I think something's wrong with Ed.


A Butter Patty from: Doc
on Sunday, April 11, 1999 at 12:23:27 (PDT)

Yes, there is: He should get a non-AOL account so I can ban these dipshit AOLamers from both the channel and the Churn.

Doc


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 11, 1999 at 13:29:23 (PDT)

Guess that means you can be Amish have a chance to turn up the generator, interpret the beliefs any way any one see fit. Just like all the other organized religions. Where will it all end...milking machines in the barn...quilting bees will be a thing of the past as sewing machines crank up. I think it is inbreeding and cell phones breaking down the moral fiber of the community. Now that you have acesses to porn and free speech via the net they sky is the limit.... those big bush hogs are looking mighty good to old Bessy who has one too many turns around the field.

Ed. Take two IN and Out burgers and call me in the morning.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 11, 1999 at 17:51:26 (PDT)

Can't we all just get along????


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 11, 1999 at 18:46:00 (PDT)

What a nim-cow-poop!


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 11, 1999 at 19:02:57 (PDT)

Miss me?

Just dropping a note to say the ice maiden will soon be resurrected.

Fear me. ;)


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, April 12, 1999 at 21:02:23 (PDT)

Recent posts in a nutshell...
(1) Luna has a goat's milk fixation.
(2) Insensitave posts are total bullshit.
(3) Hempy isn't Amish.
(4) An old order Amish upbringing obviously doesn't include spelling instruction.
(5) AOLers continue to be lame- Ed excluded.



A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, April 12, 1999 at 21:59:00 (PDT)

WEEELLLLL NOW
I certainly seem 2 have inspired quite a discussion. I do agree with some points on both sides, but unlike the good historian I am training 2 be, I refuse 2 examine each one individually. Let's just say that I appreciate the responses, both sympathetic and otherwise. I was in a very dark place when I wrote my earlier message and needed 2 let it out. Since I do care about u people, this seemed an appropriate venue. I cannot, as much as I loved my friend, condone his actions nor see the sense in it all. I was not, however, intent on making a political statement nor attempting 2 come across as Nancy Reagan. I only meant to express the sadness and void that I felt. 4 those I offended with my lamentation, I apologize. 4 those who understood it 4 what it was, I thank u 4 your condolences. 4 some of u, both of the above applies. What I have been reminded of by this event in my life is that it is people who matter - not my god damn work. (Another trite life's lesson from Mayte)

Now - back 2 our regularly scheduled programming . . .



A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 13, 1999 at 00:44:11 (PDT)

Not going to be an AOLamer much longer. Negotiations are underway now with both ATTWorldnet and GoshenNET, which is run on a commodore 64 in a barn in eastern pennsylvania. It only operates for a while after chores are done, and I have to recite bible verses in German, but it's real cheap. Besides, I like milking cows (except the male ones!)

I'll let you know how it goes. Meanwhile, consider this, I was one of the very first people on AOL, back in '92 when it was mostly scientists getting away from Compuserve. Had a 14.4 modem and everything. It sucked even worse then, if you can believe that. Oh, I have many stories, but I'm saving them so when I'm old and sick, my friends can listen patiently for as long as they can, and then beat me to death. Sign up now.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 13, 1999 at 12:52:23 (PDT)

Ed...do you remember the $100.00 and up bills a month.... Doc and I and few others were stuck on AOL back then too. I was an escapee from Compuserv... the best part was having to beg to get back on after being caught saying FUCK!!!! or Bra or panties. I never got caught. :) Keep up the negotiations! Milking cows only sucks when you get shit on or kicked. But that is AOL's job isn't it?


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 14, 1999 at 07:08:11 (PDT)

Let's see if it still works, maybe they'll AOL will kick me out and I'll have no choice but to get a new ISP.

Fuck


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 14, 1999 at 07:09:22 (PDT)

Panties.


A Butter Patty from: Zeus
on Wednesday, April 14, 1999 at 13:41:39 (PDT)

Dating tips for Gods


A Butter Patty from: Som Dom Fok
on Wednesday, April 14, 1999 at 13:46:57 (PDT)

Dating tips for Canadian boys


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 14, 1999 at 16:39:24 (PDT)

I know we're not on this subject anymore, but a stupid, fawning article marking the fifth anniversary of Kurt Cobain's death appeared in the local paper today, and I can't help but respond. The article was by Gene Stout of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

"(Courtney) Love and Cobain's mother, Wendy O'Connor, had feared the musician was suicidal after leaving a drug-treatment facility and buying a shotgun."

There, you see? His suicide was a complete surprise.

This quote is from Charles Cross, editor of Seattle magazine The Rocket (it's a shitty, free little rag about the Seatle music scene) and author of "The Will of Instinct: The Biography of Kurt Cobain," due next year:

"Without any doubt, Kurt is the most important rock musician of not just the 90's, but of the most current generation."

Anyone else smell the horseshit here? Were the 90's THAT bad? It gets deeper:

"A lot of the lyrics that Kurt wrote were about death, about isolation and vacancy," KNDD program director (Phil) Manning said. "I don't hear lyrics like that anymore. I don't hear anybody's lives bleeding out in a song. It's all sugary pop songs."

Well, Mr. Program Director, how long have you been in this business? It's called a "backlash" and it occurs when your listeners get tired of hearing one supposedly alienated, spoiled shithead after another spout off about how tortured they are while collecting 6-digit royalty checks and being carted around in a fucking limousine. The only thing more phony is some writer comparing some one-hit wonder drug addict to Jim Morrison, or someone with actual talent, in order to sell his shitty book.

Maybe Kurt's songs touched you deeply. Maybe he was your all-time favorite recording artist. But one thing is sure: He was a fucking loser. Losers take heroin and blow their own heads off with shotguns. We can debate all fucking day about whether he was the greatest whatever, but he was undisputedly a loser. Anyone still mourning his death is a loser, too. Boo fucking hoo.

I feel better now.

Doc


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 14, 1999 at 19:53:47 (PDT)

Hey, Steve Miller was once termed "The Poet of our Generation" ... how twisted was THAT! I would of bought that bozo a Mossberg, if I thought he would have used it. Last time I saw him, it appeared he was doing it the slow way... with Hostess Twinkies and Baby Back Ribs.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 14, 1999 at 23:38:51 (PDT)

I'm NOT Amish?????? *with a look of bewildered surprise*


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 15, 1999 at 06:52:11 (PDT)

Remember back there a ways when I was fawning over the Amish, saying all those nice things? As most of you who know me probably gathered (this means you, Pale) it was part of an elaborate 2-part post that was going to be a real hoot. Due to technical difficulties, the punchline never came along, and so everytime I drift by that post I sort of cringe.

I'm happy to report that they've loosened my straps (tomorrow is my birthday, I'll be 21- again) and they've promised me fruit-cup if I don't make obscene objects in basket-weaving therapy again.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 15, 1999 at 09:52:00 (PDT)

Ed, when I said something was wrong with you, I meant it as a compliment. If you
didn't still have that AOL account, I'd call you a genius.


A Butter Patty from: Steve Miller
on Thursday, April 15, 1999 at 13:09:54 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Ed is the real Pompatus of Love.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 15, 1999 at 17:07:20 (PDT)

Let me take some time to respond to recent posts....
Zeus, You know...the whole swan with an enormous phallus might get me...Im an old fashioned girl.
Som Dom Fok, I think you are giving the canadians way to much credit, there are several of those boys who cant find their penis.
Doc, Once again...Baby there are times when your brillance takes my breath away,
YOU DA MAN!
Ez, That was Steve Miller at Dalts????????
Hempy, Honey, Im sorry Doc and I meant to sit down and explain it to you before you heard it like this, it will all be okay we will get through it together, but hey, you can stop with the celebacy thing now!! GOOD NEWS!
Ed, Sometimes the flower that blooms in adversity is the most rare and beautiful. Work on that for a while....
Pale, Remember Einstein couldnt do algebra, lets give the big guy a break
and finally...
Steve Miller, Know one I have ever known has referred to you as the space cowboy nor the gangster of love..I have heard washed up and looks like hammered shit from time to time
***Smooches***


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 15, 1999 at 22:12:16 (PDT)

I suck....


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 16, 1999 at 01:41:01 (PDT)

Hey Ed!
Hippo Birdie Two Ewe
Hippo Birdie Two Ewe
Hippo Birdie Deer Ewe
Hippo Birdie Two Ewe

*****smooches******

(cripes...3 in a row...Im gonna have to slow down Ill beat Ezzies posting record)


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 16, 1999 at 12:02:39 (PDT)

~i don't wanna fight
~i don't wanna fight
~i don't wanna fight
~i'm a lover lover lover


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, April 17, 1999 at 11:54:59 (PDT)

~ i dont wanna be repetitive
~ i dont wanna be repetitive
~ i dont wanna be repetitive
~ i dont wanna be repetitive


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, April 17, 1999 at 12:22:45 (PDT)

Now who is Steve Miller again? Is that the guy we banned?


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, April 17, 1999 at 17:32:36 (PDT)

Some people call Ez, Maurice.


A Butter Patty from: Fountains Of Wayne
on Sunday, April 18, 1999 at 00:17:33 (PDT)

Here we go at last
The moment soon will pass
We'll go our separate ways
We'll vanish in the haze
We'll never be the same
We'll forget each other's names
We'll grow old and lose our hair
It's all downhill from there

But tonight we'll reach for the stars
We'll rent expensive cars
And dream our dreams
Of a perfect night
And we'll sing our prom theme
Here we are at last

We're running out of gas
The air is getting thick
The girls are feeling sick
We'll pass out on the beach
Our keys just out of reach
And soon we'll say goodbye
Then we'll work until we die

But tonight we feel like we're stars
We'll play our air guitars
Cause we're eighteen
It's a perfect night
To sing our prom theme




A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 18, 1999 at 11:29:04 (PDT)

But...exactly what does Mayte taste like??? ;=======>



A Butter Patty from: Mountains of Excrement
on Sunday, April 18, 1999 at 12:47:13 (PDT)

Here we go at last!
This movement soon will pass
We're running into gas
The air is getting thick
Turn the fan on, quick!
We'll go our separate ways
You'll be flushed away
It's a perfect night
To sing our pooping theme


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 20, 1999 at 07:34:44 (PDT)

Skateboards. If you understand that I'm the size of a small car, then you begin to see why I don't see the point to bouncing off curbs and bannisters, vaguely attached to a small wheeled board.

The neighborhood punks sure do, though. Man, they live for that stuff. The problem is, they practice their art in the parking lot of the (Mormon) church next door. There seems to be a particular move they are trying to master that, while very aerobatic, also makes a sound like somebody slamming a couple of boards together. Apparently, this move can only be performed before 6AM and after 11PM.

Perhaps they have hidden cameras in my house, and know exactly when my head hits that pillow, because I've been bounced out of my sleep hundreds of times now by what sounds like a frenzy of board-slapping right next door. It has grown tedious.

I can't bring myself to call the cops because that's just not cool, nor do I want to have my house burned down, which would be the result if I confronted these little jerks directly. Being a devious old fart, though, I thought you folks might be able to churn out some alternate methods of dealing with this modern menace to sleep.

Back in my day, we were getting fucked up. What's wrong with these kids?

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 20, 1999 at 08:03:39 (PDT)

hey ez... watch them once or twice.. and what ever they are using to "jump off" of for this "move"... wait till they're not around and give it a good greasing :o)

and don't forget to watch again after the greasing.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 20, 1999 at 08:04:10 (PDT)

errr ed.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 20, 1999 at 11:01:26 (PDT)

Im sure Ez watches after greasing too Billy, natural mistake
: )


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 20, 1999 at 11:09:22 (PDT)

Hell, Billy's advice is good for a lot of situations, not just skateboarding.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 20, 1999 at 16:39:46 (PDT)

The "move" (there are actually about 30, I think) involves leaping up, sliding down a section of curb, and then making the board flip around endwise before landing on your elbows and/or head.

I took your advice, but I got the directions wrong and greased my wife up, then bounced off her and had her flip around endwise before landing on my elbows and/or head. Now I know why they call it a "headboard". Plus, I didn't actually use a skateboard (they don't make them long enough) but a pair of brown wool socks. My wife said they went very well with the wetsuit.

Thanks for the advice.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 20, 1999 at 18:04:07 (PDT)

Please tell Shena I had nothing to do with that, Ed.

BTW....heres a little question Why is it that Billy will post and taunt us via the churn but he wont pop in the barn? Busy greasing something yourself there Bill?
You know Stampp has been around lately...I could always give her your home address...
I believe she is living in NY now too...just a short car trip away from BeelyZ and his mustard. Shes probably alot more fun IRL.
Smooches Bill :)
SLi-ness


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 20, 1999 at 20:04:22 (PDT)

Man, this whole Y2k thing is a bit unsettling. I was at the post office today and they've got this big LED sign that counts down the months, minutes and seconds to the big moment. I swear if I had a clock like that, I'd be much busier- as well as a lot more stressed. I can just see myself staring at it and thinking, "Shit, I just wasted three minutes and fifty two seconds writing this ridiculous post... but what the hell, sex doesn't take that long for me. (Wonder why I felt compelled to volunteer that?) Anyway, I guess I wonder what will really happen come the turn of the century. For example, will your stamps still stick to the envelope... or has the Y2K bug affected that? (Just in case, I've buried some 32 cent stamps and a whole book of one centers in a jar in the back yard.) Nothing and no one is safe, they say. If all banking institutions and governments fall victim, what will be the new currency? I'm banking on empty Corona bottles and am hoarding as many as possible. Will the Churn still work and will anyone even care, if they're having to dig earthen wells in their back yards? Shit. That's all I can think of to say. What about .wav files, Doc? What if they won't work anymore??? God, I need another beer- someone slice a lime. Oh shit... do you think limes will taste the same?


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 20, 1999 at 21:57:31 (PDT)

Ed...a load of small pebbles will do the trick. Then watch the fun begin as road rash takes them out one by one. The other solution involves sewing up thier baggies and making them wear tight undies but I think that is just a little further then you want to go at this point in time.

DO NOT POUR A LOAD OF PEBBLES ON YOUR WIFE OR BED THIS COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS!!!!!!!

I have to go grease my self up now and swim the English channel. They said I could drop by any time.


A Butter Patty from:
on Tuesday, April 20, 1999 at 23:18:51 (PDT)

I took your advice and greased a bunch of pebbles, put them in Corona bottles and threw them under the clock at the Post Office.

Ed

P.S.; I don't know about greasing up for the English channels. My wife is from Scotland.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 21, 1999 at 00:56:50 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I know there have been rumors about where I have been lately, but Id like to tell all you smart asses that NO IM NOT IN JAIL, Im actually on the other side of the judicial system this time. Im taking advantage of my right to sue someone, me and my paralegal Durleen ,shes real pretty, 18 years old, just got her paralegal while she was in lock up for solicitation, whatever that means, anyway it seems that there is a band called Everything and they have made a ton of money with this song called "Hooch" click on the link above and you can read "their" lyrics I heard the song and while they didnt not copy the score that Bernie Taupin and I had originally set for it the words are eerily close to a song I penned while serving an 11 month 29 day stretch for non-payment of child support. Well here is the song I came up with, judge for yourself, read the one at the link above and then read mine its so apparent, I just hope Durleen and I can figure out someway to keep my five wives and 10 kids away from all the cash Im gonna make off this.
Here is my song
Hoop
by Geffen
Produced by Boo-Bleah Records 1996
Who got the hoop

Who got the sweetest ass in cell block five


The prison days are long

With my sentence grinding on

And I swear Ill send those bitches a check -yeah yeah

The primal fire's here

And my celly is so near

And the simple truth so very much clearer


Who got the hoop, baby?

Who got the sweetest ass in cell block five?

Who got the love, who got the stretch-e-stretchy?

Who got the sweetest ass in cell block five?


The birds and bees will sing

My fangs your neck will sting

The good vibes flow from me to you

The reach around was nice,

The guards and the moonlight

Ill drop my soap descretly to the floor


Who got the hoop, baby?

Who got the sweetest ass in cell block five?

Who got the love, who got the stretch-e-stretchy?

Who got the sweetest ass in cell block five?


Let's get Bruce, let's get Chevy

'Til the KY breaks the levee

Let's get loose, loose, who got the hoop?


I think I have made my case.


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 21, 1999 at 06:21:12 (PDT)

Did everyone feel a bit uneasy like i did before your kids went to school?


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 21, 1999 at 13:18:39 (PDT)

Is that suit based on intellectual property because that might be hard to prove.....


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 22, 1999 at 00:19:22 (PDT)

Hi kids!

Welcome to the Science Museum. We have something really special for you today. Over here is a scanning electron microscope, which is the most powerful microscope in the world. Okay, Timmy, would you please get the lights? Now up on the screen I'm projecting an image from the microscope. It's a little tiny animal, a microbe, called "Pilobolus," and it lives exclusively in bovine excrement.

Now I'm going to increase the magnification 1.5 million times. We're looking at the anal aperture of the Pilobolus. Do you see that tiny speck? That's the waste product of the microbe, and because it lives it's whole life in pure Bullshit, it is the most intensely concentrated excrement on the planet.

That, children, is the only thing in the world lower than a "deadbeat Dad," except one who brags about it. We don't have a microscope powerful enough for that.


A Butter Patty from: Don Pardon
on Thursday, April 22, 1999 at 12:00:08 (PDT)

Next month, Mr. Science discusses the relationship between salespeople and battery acid.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 22, 1999 at 20:01:35 (PDT)

Yes, Luna, I felt a bit uneasy.. because I have failed to provide my kids with handgun carry licenses. Just think... if the other students had been properly armed, this would have never happened.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 22, 1999 at 20:07:34 (PDT)

Hold on... I dont have any kids.. and Luna, you only have one.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 23, 1999 at 03:15:37 (PDT)

Mr. Zeppelin, you are a remarkable scientist. Keep up the good work.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 23, 1999 at 05:38:41 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Obviously, the school shootings in Colorado are horrifying... but also horrifying is
the media hysteria surrounding the events. I don't pretend to know what would make a
couple of kids go berzerk, but I am pretty sure it isn't Marilyn Manson, KMFDM,
Ramstein, or any other band. And I'm also pretty sure it isn't the "goth"
subculture... Putting aside for a moment the very real horror of this event, it's a
good lesson for us all in how the news media simply MAKES STUFF UP to fill column
space... shit, it's early in the morning, and I have to spend all day at a hotel
doing yet another tedious conference, so just look at the above link for a large
number of examples of the idiocy of the news media... Or not...
---


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 23, 1999 at 08:42:40 (PDT)

On the other hand, you could just watch Fox News Channel. A reporter, standing in front of the High School, getting snow on his toupee, breathlessly asks a weeping student; "How do you feel about abortion, Vernon Jordan, Kosovo and O.J. getting away with murder?"

Then they cut to a commercial for Ford Broncos, cookware and Andrew Morton's new book "Diary of an Asshole" before coming back to a video loop of the infamous Clinton/Lewinski hug, then to a shot of Jon Benet dancing to "I don't like Mondays" in a sequined leotard, and finally to a Dick Morris interview where he admits; "I am vermin. I stalk the park, looking for seeing-eye dogs to suck off just to shake the jitters." Then they do another 10 minutes of commercials about videos of airplane crashes.

Sometimes I have to be tied to a chair and forced to watch Jerry Springer just to calm down.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 23, 1999 at 09:39:12 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

forced?


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 23, 1999 at 19:33:51 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

The following letter is from a musician friend of mine from San Antonio named Kurt Otto, aka Popeye-X. He has been having problems with possums on his property, but has recently found techniques to put the local marsupials to work on his behalf. I felt I should share his wisdom with y'all. Here goes:

The other day, Stanley the Cat had an emergency, he SHIT on my blanket on the couch. I couldn't believe it. I guess it was my fault, I was ignoring his "mmmmeeeeaaa". Anyway, it was too gross for me to deal with, so on a hunch, I put the blanket in the front yard.. After a couple a of days, I checked the blanket, I can't even find where the shit was! Possum Technology strikes again! I have a brand new appreciation for the bottom of the evolutionary barrel. Possums eat ANYTHING, as long as its gross beyond belief. I can use guys like that. I want a possum on staff at all times.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 23, 1999 at 22:28:26 (PDT)

I just put out the grubs from my garden for those marsupials in a nice big bowl and they would gobble them all up. I figured it was a fair trade, save me some grapes and I will give you some grubs, but they never did me the favor of taking care of the dog poop. I wonder if that was because they were LA possums? Please tell me the blanket went in the wash!!!!

On another note....Ed...sometimes you Rock!!!


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, April 24, 1999 at 05:10:37 (PDT)

I always enjoy positive feedback and constructive criticism. Here's a good example...

;0)

From: Nicholas Vearil
To: bill5@home.com
Date: Saturday, April 24, 1999 6:08 AM
Subject: Homepage

>Hi,
> Not only is your webpage not pleasing to the eye, it is
>useless.....the graphics are all ripped from elsewhere, you have
>absolutely no content, and the constant wave files are irritating as
>hell. You a man of you age should have better things to do with his time
>than waste CPU power and bandwidth running such a peice of crap. One
>other thing, how vain are you to think that people would enjoy going to
>a webpage about you? give me a break, what kinda person does it take to
>believe that people would go out of their way to find out more about
>THEM when they arent even sure who they are.....bye
>
>-descartes


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, April 24, 1999 at 12:39:58 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Poor Nick. He's rude, stupid, AND a poor speller. Ask him where HIS website is, it must be really good.

You think YOU have it bad, I get e-mail from morons like that all the time, but they never tell me which website they are talking about.

You a man of you age, Ezzy!



A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, April 24, 1999 at 17:32:36 (PDT)

Ez hangs his head ://


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, April 24, 1999 at 21:40:59 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I wonder who told him descartes would be a witty nick? Im sure he didnt come up with it on his own...I bet hes glad it isnt "I spell therefore I am"...the stupid prick would disappear.
: )


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 25, 1999 at 06:00:43 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Now if I could just figure out how to freeze a bagful and mail them to you, without them turning into something even worse than McD****d's (lawyer/sharks chum) I would. You know I would.

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 25, 1999 at 07:45:52 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

QUESTION:
"What kinda person does it take to believe that people would go out of their way to find out more about THEM."

ANSWER:
The same kind of person that would go out of their way to find out more about bozos that write unsolicited, rude and poorly spelled emails to strangers.

Nickolas Vearil
Male, 17
Born 10/16/81
Son of Steven & Debra Vearil
Residing at: 125 Lexington Street Bristol, CT 06010
Phone: (860) 584-2210
Email: nvearil@home.com
ICQ: #3538668
Fixed IP: #24.2.185.25




ICQ# 3538668
FIXED IP# 24.2.185.25


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 25, 1999 at 07:51:15 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

Yeah.. so I do have a little time on my hands sometimes. What of it?

;0)


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 25, 1999 at 09:03:03 (PDT)

EZ...I looked up your friends ICQ# that you posted and it says it belongs to a 20 year old female.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 25, 1999 at 09:11:18 (PDT)

woohoo!
umm.. maybe it'a a typo
shit!
#3358668


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 25, 1999 at 12:16:30 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

I notice In & Out Burger doesn't even have a domain. I suppose that's because every possible variation of "In & Out" has already been taken. Sad, really.


A Butter Patty from:
on Sunday, April 25, 1999 at 20:09:26 (PDT)

Big kiss all over your face Ed!!!!

Ez, you know that 17 year old was way pissed to get to your site and find out it contianed no naked chicks to jerk off too, and no violent video games to blame his ass hole actions on when he takes a job at the above mentioned dinning and dancing club and then locks all the female employees in the freezer after hours to see their nipples get hard and forgets to let them out at the end of his shift. Thus causing another fast food massacre.

Warn him that those polyster uniforms at Mikey D's dampen the nipple effect at ICQ# 3358668, hurry before he blames more deaths on Ez and his internet site!


A Butter Patty from:
on Monday, April 26, 1999 at 19:22:50 (PDT)

Q: Why is Shania Twain a vegetarian?

A: Because she probably eats like a rabbit, too

Ed


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 28, 1999 at 11:20:38 (PDT)
You should look at thisweb page.

The phone rings here at work, and it‚s the single-ring, so the call is usually coming from inside the building. Not this one. It‚s one of our ISP customers, and the call seems to be internal because he has started out by calling the wrong department, then got the call transferred to my department. Lucky me. The guy sounds like Keanu Reeves in "Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure", only dumber.

„Uh, yeah, I wanted to know if there‚s anyone there who knows anything about this virus.š

„Your computer has a virus?š

„Well, no, but I was gone all weekend and then I got home and all these e-mails tell me about the virus."

"So you don't have the virus?"

"Well, no, but I heard it can lay dormant for months."

"So... you've downloaded software that you feel may be infected with a virus?"

"Well, no. But I heard it can lay dormant for months, and I'm worried I might infect someone else."

"So you DO have the virus?"

"Well, no, but I heard it can lay dormant for months. Don't you guys have some sort of virus software?"

"Yes, it's on all individual computers here."

"But you don't got it on the main computer?"

Rather than try to explain what a server was: "No."

"Okay."

Long pause.

"Thanks."


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 28, 1999 at 13:06:41 (PDT)

Top Ten Things that lay dormant for months

10. Despite what we learned in school, Bears Do Not Actually Hibernate.Bears just sleep a long, long time. In fact, they may not go to the bathroom all winter.
9. Herpes (Simplex A-EEE)
8. Observations of the Canadian ground squirrel show that there is more to hibernation than just 'sleeping off the winter'
7. Hootie and the Blowfish (only to lure music critics into a false sense of security that they have penned a song that doesnt sound exactly like the last 12 they wrote)
6. The Spur-Thighed Tortoise (alas these animals are endangered now,but there is a grassroots movement within the turtle S&M community to help)
5."I am working to create Maharishi Veda Land theme park, a magical theme park which will bring enlightenment, knowledge and entertainment to everyone. I believe this new project will be the height of my career, and will bring wonder to generations of people of all ages." -Doug Henning November 1997
4. Bill Clinton's conscience
3. My Ex Husbands Brain Cells
2. Our List of Brilliant Enough to Keep Newbies (last entry PaleFire)
1. Pontifex's Sex Life (dormant his entire life)


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 28, 1999 at 17:55:05 (PDT)

Add to the list:

Kim Chee, a revolting Korean delicacy made from chicken, cabbage and spices that is buried in a clay pot to ferment until it is "ready".

(I learned about this dish while working at Todd Shipyards in Seattle, when the smell of it, the people who ate it, and most of all the gases they emitted could clear an entire ship for hours. Kim Chee farts can make WELDERS puke, and these are guys who pride themselves on hiking their leg, making a noise like a watermelon hitting the pavement, and laughing as your eyes teared up and you sprinted, coughing and gasping, for the gangplank.)


A Butter Patty from:
on Wednesday, April 28, 1999 at 23:03:44 (PDT)

I never had chicken in my Kim Chee but I have laid dorment, but I didn't like that guy much any way.


A Butter Patty from:
on Thursday, April 29, 1999 at 12:17:52 (PDT)

SEVEN SIGNS YOUR AMISH TEEN IS IN TROUBLE

1. Shows up at barn-raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.

2. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou sucketh!"

3. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."

4. Uses slang expression, "Talk to the hand, 'cause the beard ain't listening."

5. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.

6. Was recently pulled over for driving under the influence of cottage cheese.

7. He's wearing his big, black hat backward.


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 30, 1999 at 04:46:18 (PDT)

Ez's friend Nicholas aka Descartes actually looked me up on icq and asked for authorization to add me to his list. I politely declined and explained I would not be able to let him do that on account of him being on an Amish Rake Fight hit list. He responded with this:


DESCARTES:why exactly are they after me? i was wondering why i got all those messages with amishrakefight in the body

FRACTIOUS: If you read the churn...you will see why

DESCARTES: url?

DESCARTES: that wasnt very nice to post my mail address to that board, nor do i believe it is very legal.....but we shall see

FRACTIOUS: LOL
Yes I suppose you shall.
I dont think it was very smart of you to list your mail address on your icq information.....but we shall see.
Maybe you should ask that question on the churn...I am sure they would be happy to let you know wether or not it is legal.

DESCARTES: heh, neh, i doubt i i will......but anyways, i hope you morons enjoy your board, i must be on my way

Maybe we morons should give his mother, Debbie, a call and let her know what he has been saying in #!!!!!!!!!!Dog_Sex


A Butter Patty from:
on Friday, April 30, 1999 at 19:06:15 (PDT)

Proving once again, those who flame-mail are cowardly, immature and amazingly stupid. Say, that makes me wonder, you don't suppose descartes is Pontifex, do you?


A Butter Patty from:
on Saturday, May 01, 1999 at 04:30:40 (PDT)

I am adding Descartes to my icq list. sounds like a neat person to get to
know : )


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